Today’s T:
That was intense. Major players: binge/Tina, anxiety/Greg, and anger/Madison.
Some people in the house didn’t pay their share of the bills which set off a firestorm of anxiety and anger in me which triggered heavy, heavy bingeing.
When meeting with parts during T today, Tina spoke up as being fearful of losing everything. Losing her home, losing food. I didn’t quite understand it at first because I’ve never actually starved in my life, only been homeless a few times. To which T responded, “is that not enough for you? There is a very fine line separating ‘just’ homeless and not having any food.” Which, I guess she’s right, and therefore Tina has a point. She’s scared of not having money to pay bills I.e. buy food and she’s terrified the dietitian is going to get rid of her altogether. We talked about what she would rather be doing to which she replied, “overeat on holidays.” Which had me disgusted but T was like of course! And that’s okay! What was interesting is prior to T I was ready to binge the second I got off the video with her. But somewhere in there it calmed enough that I’m not so desperate to.
We switched over to Greg because holy leg bouncing today. T thinks he’s actually a baby or small child part but for as much as she might be right, he won’t show that. All I see is a middle aged man. Anyways, we figured out the dynamics are that he’s a mommas boy kind of type and Tina is the overbearing helicopter mom who keeps stuffing him full of food to get him to shut up, go to sleep, and calm down. And he hates her. He wants to be able to do shit on his own, not have mother hen hovering constantly. So we practiced letting him feel his feelings without letting Tina step in.
Madison got excited about this. She was tired of managing and being triggered by the dynamic happening between Tina and Greg. So she sat back and watched while Greg felt round about 10% of his feelings. Tina hated this so much. He was feeling fairly confident about it but she was nervously hanging around ready to jump in. We did some box breathing that had any anxiety calming way down. But Tina is still
. T feels okay about that but I’m not sure.
We talked about how the dietitian isn’t going to take away food and how I’m an adult now and make money and we can trust me now to make sure there is always food and always bills paid. But she’s really skeptical about any trust with me. They all are.
It’s better than feeling worse though.
