About To Knock It Over

[Abrasky]

My psycologist said in my last appointment "Lets knock this thing over". She means my thing I have been working on for the last 2 year, my big maypole knot of anxiety, work fear, grief, lost feelings. Really it's just my last huge bits of my PTSD, that I have been working on for 13 years ahve all combined now and turned into one frustration feeling. When it is gone, I think I may be able to get a PTSD free status from my psychologist.

Also I got back 2 personality ego states, Little Miss Kindergarten blossom and Miss Head out of the clouds. Little miss kindergaten blossom is my gentle real underlying personality. She is like Bambi. And Miss head of the clouds is my 19 year old success focussed and results achieving a degree in a male dominated career ego state. They duked it out because Little miss kindergarten blossom was unhappy that Miss 19 head out of the clouds had become so career focussed in an ungentle male dominated career. They have since come together on the subject and decided that it is ok for me to be in a male dominated career as long as I can wear ribbons in my hair and be gentle.

It does make me wonder though, if I pick a career, make sure it is one that get's along with my underlying personality so my future ego states won't duke it out and get PTSD round 2. A career that didn't get along with my underlying personality definantly contributed my maypole of PTSD.

 

[Srain]

Congratulations! It sounds like you have done a lot of work to get to the place where you are right now.

Of course moving forward is always scary and the 'what ifs' are always out there. I'm assuming that your tdoc has taken you through these scenarios and have given you the tools in which to use in case these situations should arise because that is life, unstable and full of the 'what ifs' ...we cannot control other people but we can control our reactions to them and the situations.

But of course you know all of this and of course you are a bit nervous...normal and natural. This forum is always here and I'm assuming so is your support team.

YEAH FOR YOU!!! :) You have done a wonderous job to come so far!!!

Peace and hugs,
Rain

 

[Girl3]

I wish you much love and luck with whatever career you pick. I picked a career in which there are few women (anesthesiologist) and in which I deal with angry men (surgeons) all day long. (There are more female surgeons in the US than there are female anesthesiologists.)

My preverbal child, my 14 year old sociopath, and my successful self - age 51, not sure of the "real" age - have to co-exist in my current field. It has been a turbulent path for me - but we are learning to coexist. The others had to learn restraint, the in-charge had to learn to live.

So you don't necessarily have to change careers for Miss Kindergarten Blossom - you just need to teach her what real life is all about, and how you (all of you) can be safe in a real world life. Sometimes it requires a location change.

I can't be safe in New Haven CT but I can be safe in the Appalachian mountains for instance.

You can be anything you want to be - male dominated or not. It is about learning to deal with them (male-divas) constructively. It is also about putting yourself in a place where you can succeed.

Much love and peace.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think anything that requires anyone to be at total odds with their own personality always makes it more difficult.

You're doing great- be true to yourself.
Maybe it will break down some stigmas?

xox

 

[Abrasky]

thank you, I'll get there I hope.

 

[CraftyCath]

Well done Maze for all you have achieved, it's never easy dealing with our other selves.

 

[Nighthawk]

Very good work:tup:

 

[BloomInWinter]

Wow....GREAT work!

Thank you so much for sharing your journey....it gives me immense hope.

(((((Maze)))))