DID Accepting a dissociative disorder

[Digz]

I have been in therapy on and off for over a decade now. It definitely helps over time, even though it's such hard work. My parts work together a lot better than they once ever did and when/if new parts emerge then the process of getting them to feel validated and cooperate seems to be much less onerous. I expect I'll always have struggles with it but the good times are certainly longer.
Thank you for sharing your experience too. No matter what point in the process I'm at, it helps to know I'm not the only one going through it all.

 

[AnD]

I have been in therapy on and off for over a decade now. It definitely helps over time, even though it's such hard work. My parts work together a lot better than they once ever did and when/if new parts emerge then the process of getting them to feel validated and cooperate seems to be much less onerous. I expect I'll always have struggles with it but the good times are certainly longer.
Thank you for sharing your experience too. No matter what point in the process I'm at, it helps to know I'm not the only one going through it all.

Thanks, for sharing this. Makes me feel hopeful

 

[Cypress]

The less I dissociate, the more symptomatic I am. I've gone from being a functioning ( well at work anyway) person to having full-blown crippling PTSD. According to my therapist it will get better. I hope so.

I think the one thing that has been hardest has been learning to say "I" when I would rather say "we" or "he/she" feels some way. It's a small semantic thing but it resonates within.

This article has been very helpful for me to understand DID. I like you thought that the descriptions online were so florid and bizarre whereas I am hiding in plain sight.

https://www.sidran.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Understanding-Integration.pdf

 

[whiteraven]

The less I dissociate, the more symptomatic I am.

Yes, because dissociation allows you to remove yourself from all the difficult stuff. It does get better! :-)

This article has been very helpful for me to understand DID

Glad you found this and found it helpful. I only read the first couple of paragraphs; I think it's important to understand that DID is not one size fits all. I've *chosen* not to force integration, not because I don't understand its benefits, etc..., but because I simply don't want to.

 

[Wendell_R]

I think the one thing that has been hardest has been learning to say "I" when I would rather say "we" or "he/she" feels some way. It's a small semantic thing but it resonates within.

That is interesting. For me (or "For us ..."), the more I hear all the voices clearly, and the more "we" seems to be appropriate, the more happy and well-adjusted I am. It's when the parts are buried that hell breaks lose, at least for me. Acknowledging the multitude has helped me get everyone talking to each other. Again, just for me, that has led to better integration (but not unification where the parts become meshed).

I think it's important to understand that DID is not one size fits all.

Yes, I agree.

 

[mylunareclipse]

@Wendell_R
I think I am the same way.
It’s as I start accepting the parts and become more aware of them and think in “we” that things calm down for me too

 

[shimmerz]

How do I break out of the denial?

What I didn't understand until later was the main implication of having DID was that nothing was consistent. I couldn't with any kind of authority say that I was in denial. Because some parts may have been and others not. So I had to go looking for the part that knew I was DID. And when the concept of DID came up and how it was affecting me, I had to call on the part that understood I HAD DID in order to deal with DID. Otherwise my denial part would switch in (out?) and I would stay frozen in time.

I wasn't so concerned about communication between parts as I was acknowledging that some parts of me were trying to keep me frozen in time and it was up to me to figure out what parts of me to use when in order to move forward. No idea if this makes sense to anybody else but myself.

For decades I was a programmer. I know how to take snippets of information and arrange it and then rearrange it to get to a certain routine. So I innately understood parts of myself as a programmed routine. That is really all we are talking about here. And your program that is in denial? Well, go looking for the part of you that doesn't think you are in denial (it is in there). Ask your therapist or a trusted person to help keep that part safe and to help you bring it out so that you can make progress. Progress means that you are not frozen in a certain set of behaviours (usually detrimental behaviours).

I don't think there is any shame in this stuff, honestly. I think we would all be surprised (perhaps even shocked) as to how many people have 'parts'. Some of us with severe trauma may have more dramatic parts but I think the majority of the population have something close to what we are dealing with.

Also, the thread here that taught me the most about my 'internal structure' was the one created by me call Structural Dissociation? Structural Dissociation? | My PTSD Forum

It was super hard to populate at the time. My head was absolutely swimming, but it really helped me understand what was happening and how to move forward. I think I didn't even have a T at the time. I did most of this navigating on my own. It can be done. Just think of each part as a program (kind of a tactic using dissociation). If the program isn't helping you, then look for another internal program and work with that.