Dear @Hope4Now , though I always felt like a woman, most of the time I forgot I even had a body. Stress & perception affect a lot, I don't have DID that I know of, but there are times (like today) I look & think "hey, wasn't there a tree on my lawn before?" :confused: Yikes. It's feedback also. I used to be 5'2 (almost), but I think I've shrunk/ got compacted. I have so many injuries/ aches, my nutrition for 10 years has been abysmal, for about 35 years I've eaten one meal/day. I have to wear a kid's size 12 pants (bonus though- no tax or hemming, except for great yoga pants I found), but I feel like, 'huge'. Mostly I feel uncomfortable & would like to disappear. That being said anything over about 104 pounds I feel gigantic. And stress makes my feet swell. So unlike @VioletButterfly I have jujube feet instead of twizzler arms, lol. But I like that quote, I've heard it before. :) That being said, it didn't come out of no where, I am the 'fat' one (4 girls in the family, 2 are tall). One always calls me obese. My dad on the other hand would say, "lay down with a board get up with slivers". He meant well, but the whole family was thin, tiny boned. But then I've been told (even in non-sexual settings) I look better naked than with clothes on, which really is hilarious considering I'm single & not sleeping with anyone. But I feel heavy if my curves are not equal. Oh ya, & sometimes my guts puff out to the moon (think 9 months pregnant), but my ribs show in my back. Really attractive. :wtf: ;) One day my clothes fit then they don't. :(
As @FridayJones said if we can get to the point of thinking we are renting & stewards of our body (which we have little choice of when it starts to not cooperate) , I think that's healthier.
It never crossed my mind it was worth anything, & I was just too tired or not interested to make it a priority. I felt very much like an alien post-ptsd, though not gender-related.
I don't look as much at others superficially anymore. I don't exactly expect the same, but taking care of myself still remains low on the priority list. It's like it's too late to start now.
I guess making peace with it is cutting it/ yourself some slack. Accepting compliments, practicing self-care & self-kindness (even if not directly related to your body), maybe silencing the inner critic. Doing things you enjoy (I love to dance, I forget about anything/ everything).
They do say if we experience sexual assault etc we will likely feel badly at the same weight. Also, I find the person assaulted usually takes the blame from the person who did it (at the very least). Maybe too we blame ourselves. If we were thinner (faster).. bigger (stronger).. taller.. shorter, whatever? Our 'fault' it occurred +/or our fault we couldn't stop it, our body's fault if it responded (arousal), or didn't (freeze), our fault for ending up in the position we did, etc etc etc. Maybe it's partly subconscious? Do you think that might have to do with feeling 'unsafe' in your body? (I don't feel unsafe due to my body, though sometimes I do due to my mind or heart because of SI, (i.e. I wonder I will end up pulling my own plug one day?)
Hugs for you. ((((((((Hope4Now))))))))
As @FridayJones said if we can get to the point of thinking we are renting & stewards of our body (which we have little choice of when it starts to not cooperate) , I think that's healthier.
It never crossed my mind it was worth anything, & I was just too tired or not interested to make it a priority. I felt very much like an alien post-ptsd, though not gender-related.
I don't look as much at others superficially anymore. I don't exactly expect the same, but taking care of myself still remains low on the priority list. It's like it's too late to start now.
I guess making peace with it is cutting it/ yourself some slack. Accepting compliments, practicing self-care & self-kindness (even if not directly related to your body), maybe silencing the inner critic. Doing things you enjoy (I love to dance, I forget about anything/ everything).
They do say if we experience sexual assault etc we will likely feel badly at the same weight. Also, I find the person assaulted usually takes the blame from the person who did it (at the very least). Maybe too we blame ourselves. If we were thinner (faster).. bigger (stronger).. taller.. shorter, whatever? Our 'fault' it occurred +/or our fault we couldn't stop it, our body's fault if it responded (arousal), or didn't (freeze), our fault for ending up in the position we did, etc etc etc. Maybe it's partly subconscious? Do you think that might have to do with feeling 'unsafe' in your body? (I don't feel unsafe due to my body, though sometimes I do due to my mind or heart because of SI, (i.e. I wonder I will end up pulling my own plug one day?)
Hugs for you. ((((((((Hope4Now))))))))
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