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Relationship Am i even in the right thread?! i just need help!!

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I’m so glad you reached out and hope I can offer some insight / suggestions. I only have a couple minutes right now so...
Thank you for your reply!
He is definitely someone i truly care for. I love your advice and a lot of it I could apply to situations that happened that i couldn't really understand. Thanks to your reply i kind of do now ... especially the part where a loving gesture might be misunderstood at certain moments in time.
I reached out to him as a last resort kind of thing yesterday. Kind of just to see if he replies or not he did respond almost immediately...im not sure if i believe his reason or explanation of why he didnt respond " says phone service was off"
Messages are still not as timely which is why im kind of put off by the explanation.long story short i asked him to meet and he agreed . hopefully that actually happens, although i have no idea how to begin this conversation ...hell i don't even really know how to approach him and feel like i am walking on eggshells again ..any suggestions?
 
You sound like you are approaching this really well. I think everything you’re saying is great. Good luck with the dance class! You should do it!

I have had to adopt a similar attitude to you and it helps so much. I do get negative - the longer this goes on obviously the more challenging it gets - I just have to keep coming back here to get support. It helps.
 
You sound like you are approaching this really well. I think everything you’re saying is great. Good...

Honestly! This forum has been amazing and truly supportive! I wish i had found it sooner .. i really appreciate everyone's support and feedback !
I pray everything goes well for you and that you get through this difficult time.
I never knew it would be this challenging but now i know i still have to take care of me. Self care will definitely make things a little easier .
 
I'm weighing in a bit late but wanted to offer a bit of hope??
because to me you knew these events were coming its been the same time every time for 12 years ..
This year was the very first time I reacted to memorial day. It has NEVER been a problem for me. I have no idea what the trigger was, or what caused it. It caught me totally by surprise. I didn't even realize I was reacting until hubby pointed it out. Ahhh - you ask. How does he do that? he just asks me -- are you triggered? It makes me stop and think. Sometimes I can say yes, sometimes no, sometimes I don't know. His role is to let me know he is there if I need him, but will also keep his distance if I need that. It's a pretty delicate dance I admit....but he knows how to do it

6 weeks??? 6 freaking weeks ?
Hubby loses me the entire month of January. I have several anniversary reactions through out the year, (if you haven't learned about those yet it's a good thing to look into) but January is the big one. It usually starts about Dec 31st and doesn't end until the very end of January. He says it is like I've checked out. I'm there physically, and I can function, but I'm just going through the motions like a sleepwalker. Reasoning with me is impossible. It can't be done. I am in a nightmare and I can't wake up. I'm aware of things going on around me but I have to expend a shit ton of energy to get through the fog. Try to bug me about how I feel? I'll send you a postcard from France. That's how my ptsd manifests - I take off. So ya, 6 weeks is not unusual

he is shutting you out because you freaked out.
yep. You freak out around me and I'm out. My brain is exploding and it is taking everything I have to keep my shit together. You freak out too? I'm gone.

Hope that helps
 
I'm weighing in a bit late but wanted to offer a bit of hope??
Always so much amazing information Freida, thank you :)

although i have no idea how to begin this conversation
Keep it light. Let him lead it. He will probably feel some shame for shutting you out - so don't walk into it with anger or intensity. That could make his worst fears come true and lead him back to isolation.
 
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I'm weighing in a bit late but wanted to offer a bit of hope??

This year was the very first time I reac...
Thank you frieda! I appreciate your input
I am definitely trying to find out more information about anniversaries..as i believe there are many, and not just ones that are marked on the calendar. I feel like im researching and reading as i have been from the beginning of this relationship but I'm still not grasping everything. It's a little disheartening at times, but im trying.

Keep it light. Let him lead it. He will probably feel some shame for shutting you out - so don't walk...
Thank you anon!
I will try that! Im also trying to remove a few insecurities from my mind....i think those insecurities are what's keeping me angry.im just not sure how to let them go. Ive been doing well but today isn't a high day.
 
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I wrote my insecurities down. I come back to them, read them again and sometimes realize how melodramatic they sound. I then burn them.

It is tough and I understand that. I’m having a tough few days right now. I know I want to be in this and I know there are several valid reasons right now for the isolation. But, my goodness, it does make me feel less than positive on some days.
 
I wrote my insecurities down. I come back to them, read them again and sometimes realize how melodrama...
I did take your advice and try writing my insecurities down! It definitely helped a bit.im trying to keep my focus on me as much as possible. I hope isolation for you ends soon no matter the reasons it still doesn't make it fair
 
We talked it was a difficult conversation.
He says the relationship was stressful .he put all of the problems on the relationship...
Which lead me to question somethings
......i just cant bring myself to believe that.not that every relationship doesnt have its ups and downs and we did we had ups and downs but before the fight we had we both agreed it was more ups than downs. I can count the downs on my fingers .
I ended a conversation the one about his battle buddy because it was going no where . So i used the words " im done here" he took those words as im done with you. Which if i were i would have flat out said that.i then went on to ask him what time he wanted to be picked up flight information and everything else even sent heart emojs after all of that telling him I couldn't wait to see him. And this freaking man omg !! still thought i broke up with him right in that moment.
After him ignoring me for what seemed like ever he drove down and we talked on Tuesday...it was awkward. We got no where the first half of the conversation. I tried to breathe and not freak out but i kind of lost it and started crying . I let him know how i felt, he says he doesn't want to hurt me and that he just wants me to be happy. I asked him if he still wants to be together ..he said "yes, i do, but it will kill me " that literally broke my heart not for me but for us and the fact I thought we were good for each other ... He then went on to say again but i do want to be with you..but what do you want ? I told him i want to be with him to but i dont want to cause him stress. He cried the whole time but sometimes i feel like thats just out of frustration. He hugged me and told me he loved me which at that moment was great .we texted and everything felt dry and empty . He's always texting me when he gets a chance , doesnt tell me good morning like he used to. I asked him to hang out he said he would love to but he's strapped for cash. I said the money isnt an issue as i have money and just want to spend time with you . He said ok sounds good if you want to!
I asked him if there was anything he wanted to do in particular since he mentioned money no response. I texted him 10 am today good morning and blew him a kiss
He thanked me for the freaking kiss emoji which he has never done " good morning thanks" i got this emoji bullshit from him i didnt even use emojis to communicate like that. So i asked if we were still on for today? And He replied saying " unfortunately i dont think i can today im not feeling well and i have to do stuff for the va apt i have tom that got switched... Im really sorry " god this sounded like an excuse especially after the excuse he gave me last night
And he wonders why im here thinking he's cheating on me . He had said before all of this that he would never cheat because he knows what it feels like. Cheating is a painful insecurity for me . Im trying not to think that way......i texted him and told him There's this part of me that knows things are never going to be the same. I feel that i might be forcing things between us , telling myself if we just spend time together I'll no longer feel that way..but im wrong.. I dont even feel trust between us. and more and more i feel like you stayed with me out of guilt.
No response
I wish my brain can just come to terms with what's happening but it just doesn't seem like i can before i sent that text i called to see if he was ok as he said he wasnt feeling well. No answer so i then sent that text .

Needless to say im being ignored again
 
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