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Cmz
Hi everyone I wanted to get other peoples perspective on my situation-sorry it’s long!
about 2 monthes ago I was sexually assaulted on a first date and I can’t stop thinking about it and feel like maybe I’m just overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing because I’m pretty reserved and not very experienced in the intimacy area...I feel guilty and embarrassed for feeling the way I do and then second guess myself if maybe He didn’t even realize what he did because that’s how he acted afterwards...
Here’s what happened -
We met at a walking trail out in public and went on a long walk and talked and then Found a pond that he suggested we go over to and sit... he started just kissing me which I was ok with, but then he started touching me and and eventually had his fingers in me... at that point I think I froze and eventually told him that I don’t feel comfortable doing this here out where there are people around and he just ignored me and continued and then proceeded to put my hand in his pants to touch him which I just went along with, not knowing what else to do... and then again said I dont want to do this here and he responded by saying it’s fine, nobody can see us and kept on going and started saying how much he wanted to have sex with me and even asked to go back to my place and I said no and made up an excuse. In my head I was thinking if I can just get him off by touching him with my hand maybe he will just stop, so that’s what I did but he started to push my head down onto him which I resisted at first, but he didn’t stop and eventually He had me by the hair for control and I was giving him oral sex and next thing I know he ejaculated in my mouth...after that we got up and he walked me back to my car and acted like nothing happened and I was just in shock I think...
I also just feel a lot of guilt and shame for the sexual things I did during the encounter and feel like maybe he got the wrong idea because I was participating and not pushing him away or fighting back and am confused about what even happened or why I did what I did because he wasn’t threatening me or being violent
about 2 monthes ago I was sexually assaulted on a first date and I can’t stop thinking about it and feel like maybe I’m just overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing because I’m pretty reserved and not very experienced in the intimacy area...I feel guilty and embarrassed for feeling the way I do and then second guess myself if maybe He didn’t even realize what he did because that’s how he acted afterwards...
Here’s what happened -
We met at a walking trail out in public and went on a long walk and talked and then Found a pond that he suggested we go over to and sit... he started just kissing me which I was ok with, but then he started touching me and and eventually had his fingers in me... at that point I think I froze and eventually told him that I don’t feel comfortable doing this here out where there are people around and he just ignored me and continued and then proceeded to put my hand in his pants to touch him which I just went along with, not knowing what else to do... and then again said I dont want to do this here and he responded by saying it’s fine, nobody can see us and kept on going and started saying how much he wanted to have sex with me and even asked to go back to my place and I said no and made up an excuse. In my head I was thinking if I can just get him off by touching him with my hand maybe he will just stop, so that’s what I did but he started to push my head down onto him which I resisted at first, but he didn’t stop and eventually He had me by the hair for control and I was giving him oral sex and next thing I know he ejaculated in my mouth...after that we got up and he walked me back to my car and acted like nothing happened and I was just in shock I think...
I also just feel a lot of guilt and shame for the sexual things I did during the encounter and feel like maybe he got the wrong idea because I was participating and not pushing him away or fighting back and am confused about what even happened or why I did what I did because he wasn’t threatening me or being violent