Anything That Will Make Me Feel Good

[sonicwhite]

Ok, so I know I have a poly drug addiction. I can go without something but something fills in that gap. I'm scared. I really do believe that I'm going to have to get help with all of this.


I can't fight it alone. I've tried and failed every time. Now I know a NA a few miles from here but I think getting off of it first would bring a little closure to the problem.

I have been feeling like o just want to be happy without something. I don't need something to bring me joy. Now I don't know where to start but I'm going to have to act fast because I believe through hard work I can gain my life back. One where I'm in control and I'm doing things to better myself and others.

 

[Lionheart]

That is the kind of post I liked to read.......sounds to me as if you are ready to accept some help with your addiction so you can get sober and then work on trauma issues.

If I am reading that right then, I think it is a great decision you have made!!! I can't tell you enough how much I respect you for wanting to get well!!

Your willingness to give up old negative coping tools that do not work anymore and to replace them with new positive coping skills so that you will be back with more control over your life is to be commended...good for you!!!! Yay!!

I used to think that it would never get better cause at first it got worse, but as I continued to work on old trauma, I began to feel the relief and empowerment that I so richly deserved and needed. *(Now my life is really good and I am happy.)

Please do get help, addictions are notoriously difficult to overcome without some professional help and/or divine intervention.

Call a rehab center, or if you need to, a crisis hotline, schedule an appointment to see a therapist and/or counselor and get a psychiatrist who can write medication prescriptions for you to help take the edge off while you work through trauma.

Best of luck to you
Lionheart777

 

[illusionist]

Keep reading and re reading your post, you want to do it, so that's a great start. Seek every bit of help that is out there. Good luck!

 

[sonicwhite]

I just feel way in over my head. I want it badly. I don't want to cave like I almost did the other day. I want to know for sure I will get there.

I guess being scared is apart of the process. I don't want to fail. I know if I do anything just once, I'll start to make excuses to use this train wrecking all over again. It has to be for good.


I want a good treatment for my PTSD. I want to go to bed and not dream and also wake up with no addiction hanging over my head. For the last four years I have said the same thing. It doesn't work. I want this now. I see how brittle my addictions are to the solid ministry my Higher Power called me to.


I'm frustrated but I can see since day one know I got Christ that I had a drug problem and it wasn't addressed the right way. I know it's probably going to be the hardest thing I have ever went through but I want assurance I will make it. I fear failure more than anything.

 

[sonicwhite]

I'm going to ask for help on here. I need many who have been down the road of drug addiction your testimony and how you thought you where never going to get clean but you did.

 

[The Albatross]

Recovery is easier than staying in the addiction... interesting to me that when you discuss your addiction, now you have decided you have PTSD again. Don't complicate your issues. First things first, and that's getting clean in my opinion.

 

[sonicwhite]

I am just praying, I will act but right now I'm praying over and over deliver me from my addictions. I know it's going to take will power and not seeing some ppl in order for this to stop.


I have went about four days without abusing gabapentin. My mind is starting to comedown off that roller coaster and my dreams have somewhat settled. I am just so eager today to say I don't want my life filled with emptiness, I want things to enjoy that are pure.


I'm doing what I can today to stay away from everything that tempts me. I'm going to have to come clean with my therapist so she can help me. If I get taken off the klonopin well it was because of the choices I made.

 

[joeylittle]

Have you gotten rid of all your excess drugs? Do so, now. Makes it easier to not relapse.

Fill the bottles with water and toss em.

 

[ladee]

Follow thru. You have nothing to loose but the misery of addiction. Wishing you well on this part of your journey.

 

[EveHarrington]

I worry that NA meetings won't be enough right now. Can you go to a rehab facility?

 

[mary1979]

Yeah, Eves right, rehab might be of assistance.
You need some care right now.

As for feeling good, you'll need to change your perspective.
When I quit drinking I tried to replace it with external things that make me feel good.
Doing something nice for someone.
Achieving milestones I could feel proud of.
And exercise. Believe it or not, working out releases endorphins that feel similar to your addiction.
Also find a great distraction. A new video game you can immerse yourself in perhaps?

Its not easy, but it does GET easier.