Arguments Make No Rational Sense

[Pelanol]

Sometimes I feel like my sufferer will pick a fight just for the sake of it, and more often than not his arguments aren't even rooted in any semblance of rationality.

For example:
He texted asking for space and saying he would let me know when he wanted to talk.
So I left him alone.
The next day he texted asking if I was just going to ignore him.
I said what?! You told me you would let me know when you wanted to talk!
He replied this isn't a game ok...and said I ought to take shit more seriously, and that he's convinced I don't actually care about him.
It ended up getting to a point where HE told ME that I'm done with him when I never once said that. When I pointed this out to him, he said "Well you should be."

This is only one example of so, so many. I feel like a vast majority of our conversations are in essence massive contradictions, and it makes me want to rip my hair out with frustration it's so maddening. It almost seems like he wants to push me away but wants me to do the "dirty work" for him.

I have NO idea how to respond when he's being SO irrational and refuses to see it. Does anyone else experience this, either as a supporter or a sufferer? If so, can you PLEASE help me make sense of something so beyond comprehension?

I guarantee he'll come around tomorrow or the next after and tell me how much he loves me. And around and around we go...

 

[Pehuk]

more often than not his arguments aren't even rooted in any semblance of rationality.

You get that part of having an mental health problem is that you don't always use the rational part of your brain very well, right?

I guarantee he'll come around tomorrow or the next after and tell me how much he loves me. And around and around we go...

It's somewhat up to you how long you want to let that go on.

 

[Bigal]

God yes, my sufferer does the same freaking thing.

 

[Pelanol]

@Bigal and what do you about it?

 

[Igu]

He's testing you IMHO.

Sadly, boundary setting may end up in a breakup si I have no advice on how to handle it. :(

 

[Kitatu]

Bigal here...

Honestly, I just take it with a grain of salt. I don't engage in the arguments, so I don't escalate it. I know he's not being rational, and sometimes it's better to have peace than to "win".

If it was something important, it's a different matter... But usually it's dumb shit.

 

[Irew]

It sounds like he's trying to sabotage the relationship.

 

[Pilah]

You are not alone in this, although while you're going through that with him I'm sure you feel every ounce of loneliness. Reading your message was as if you had plucked from my mind, everything I go through and feel with my boyfriend.. you almost feel like you're going crazy right? Although I have no answers for you (as i too am seeking answers) I just want you to know you are doing nothing wrong, and you are not alone.

 

[Itob]

self destructive behaviour and sabotaging good things and relationships seems to be a common theme I have found..
very hard to reason with someone who is almost deliberately trying to make things go pear shaped..

 

[Pelanol]

@Itob my question is WHY deliberately attempt to make a good thing go bad or a decent person go mad?

 

[Tatav]

OP, there's a lot on this site about that. There are many reasons and most of them probably don't make sense to most people. There really are reasons it's called a "disorder" and it's considered to be a problem.

 

[Vunured]

@Itob my question is WHY deliberately attempt to make a good thing go bad or a decent person go mad?

I spend a lot of sleepless nights, wondering that very thing, and the only thing that brings me peace of mind is knowing that it is in fact- not deliberate at all. Its uncontrollable. And then I can sleep, and just pray that tomorrow will be a better day.