Attachment Issues

[Phenioxrising]

Great the T/client relationship went to a whole other level for me.
Found out we have feelings for each other and we have only seen each other three times.
Wow is all I have to say, and I can honestly say he is a great guy, Since we've been e-mailing eachother since Oct.

 

[Pencil]

And then suddenly, only recently, I've realised that the more well-developed and accomplished my cognitive processes become about all of this, the more withdrawn and shut down and damaged my emotional world is. And attachment and human relationships in general are my deepest wound and most deeply-held vulnerability... which I am able to intellectualise about very nicely of course

Oh, hell yes!

 

[Pencil]

Maddog, I still maintain that I need a loving grandmother more than a psychologist. Dammit, I need a lap and sturdy arms and someone who doesn't mind if I get snot and tears all over her. Someone who will let me bawl and rant and rave and still love me afterwards, who will then tuck me in and not allow me to be mortified the next day. Hell, I need humanity, and not clever insights into why I want to bawl, sob and hiccup for 74 hours - at least.

Only problem is, had my grandmother not died, before I was born, she would have been 130 by now :unsure:.

 

[Pencil]

I somehow feel as if I'm 'doing it (therapy) wrong'

Ouch, and did I do therapy wrong!! I'm utterly clueless. What is attachment? What does it look like/feel like when you're attached? What is 'intimacy' - in and outside of therapy? This is way too complicated for me.

I was stuck to my mother with superglue, but apart from her violent outbursts every now and then, there was no 'content'. So now I'm expected to attach to a therapist, without the superglue, but with substance or content or something, and I don't know what or how. Therapy is enough to drive me crazy.

 

[saffy]

I have been thinking about this a lot lately.

About the meaning of attachment.

I suppose when we are very young we attach to those we feel closest too or are in part nearest too or who we spend the most time with. When very young we have no choice in who we attach to and it can be a negative or positive attachment.

Everyone needs to feel unconditionally loved. Based on the conditions of those we attach to we start to develop an idea of what is normal. Our attachments even if negative are better than no attachment at all. We spend time trying to keep up with the conditions of love to stay attached to those we feel we should be closest to.

I believe as we grow and develop our inner conscious and self preservation and need to feel attached can cause inner conflict, especially if those we have attached to are abusive or negative or who are very conditional.

Our emotions may shut down, become confused or go against what we need to keep that attachment. We can see that we are attached by nature but the nurture is negative to our well being.

We need attachment to avoid a solitary life, but our attachment has been based on negative influences. How can we now trust those who we would like to attach too? Emotional preservation keeps us distant and afraid to attach to anyone.

Fear of attachment makes us shut down and push away those who we should feel safe with. But we have learnt from a young age that attachment is conditional, abusive or unreal.

That is what I think anyway. :)

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Pencil]

I agree, Saffy, and I think that it is impossible to do outside of therapy :(

 

[safenow]

Other therapies are now becoming more and more used, art therapy for example, colour therapy, touch therapy and other therapies that engage you in a more hands on method of improvement.

Some have been using art therapy for decades. I had art therapy in the 1970s. I have also have various types of therapy. However, if anyone tried touch therapy on me, they would have to scrape me off the ceiling, either that or get their nose reset, because I'd break it.

I need a loving grandmother more than a psychologist

I think everyone alive needs the type of grandmother you described.

 

[Pencil]

Which, in my mind, only goes to show that you needed it, Safenow :D. But consider yourself lucky if someone could at least 'try' it or offer it. I've never been that lucky.

I think everyone alive needs the type of grandmother you described.

I think so too, and I think it is this need that drives people in droves into therapy.

 

[safenow]

So now I'm expected to attach to a therapist, without the superglue, but with substance or content or something, and I don't know what or how. Therapy is enough to drive me crazy.

I'm not sure why you feel you must "attach" to a therapist? I don't think that is healthy. A therapist is only with you for a short period of time, then they release you and move on to another patient. At least that is how it has always been with me.

But then, I've never really attached to anyone. So I guess you can't go by me.

 

[Pencil]

I'm not sure why you feel you must "attach" to a therapist?

No, it is standard. Besides, attachment disorder can only be addressed through attachment.

 

[Abstract]

I'm still waiting patiently, Abstract:sleep:

I had to laugh when I read this Pencil. :roflmao:

 

[Pencil]

A therapist is only with you for a short period of time, then they release you and move on to another patient

All 4 therapists in the last 8 months said that I needed long term therapy (a few years) twice a week. I guess attachment would be unavoidable.