Avoidance: even of things i actually want to do.

[Kay Mouse]

Hello everyone. This is my first non introductory post. I guess I am having kind of a rough day. There have been a few angry episodes recently of me breaking stuff. I nearly broke something this morning. There has been other stuff broken recently. I would liked to know if other people here also go through this? Also, avoidance is a big issue for me, heavy procrastination. There are specific hobbies I have which need me to practice, and I am putting off doing it, again, is this in line with traumatic stress. I cannot concentrate on anything at the moment and just want to 'switch' off to doing things which allow me to not think, like watching movies. But is that avoiding my feelings? What should I do? I'm finding it an achievement at the moment just to clean my kitchen and bathroom, I cant seem to discipline myself to do anything else. I guess I just want people to let me know if this is in line with PTSD and also what the best way forward is, and also just to hear some kind words and support. My focus and concentration is in tatters at the moment

 

[Suzetig]

I'm writing this by way of procrastinating- I should be doing a piece of writing but can't seem to settle to the task. I've been thinking a lot about what stops me just getting on with things and for me I think it's anxiety around getting things wrong. Getting stuff wrong is a massive trigger for be because of the way mistakes or misbehaviour were punished in my family. I've realised that I put things off until I have literally no choice but to do it or be in trouble.

If I do it, I might get it wrong and be in trouble = possible death, if I don't do it at all I'll definitely be in trouble = certain death. So, I'll get there eventually, and it'll be done well - there's just such a performance to get there. I too get caught up in mindless tasks. What works for me is just sitting and starting even a little bit for a short time and coming back to things. It's hard though and not something I've conquered.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I seem to avoid things when my anxiety is very high and it puts me in fear mode. I eventually get most things that are essential done but I get lax in other areas.

Areas of avoidance, not checking my mail every day and avoid opening my mail at once like I used to. Not able to do routine tasks around my home at times, but also do them the next day so I am pushing through the avoidance when I am able. Good luck finding what your triggers are into this avoidance

 

[Intrepid]

I don't want to take a shower because afterword I will feel slightly better, and that will leave me vulnerable to abuse. The not taking a shower is like putting on a shield.

I felt hopeless yesterday. That's why I put on the shield. It keeps me from doing the next right thing. When I do the next right thing I'm vulnerable. This is an expectation that happens any time I experience unreasonable expectations or resentments in others.

I'm scared to keep writing. What if I unlock the way to the shower? Then I am more vulnerable then ever. That's how I feel. Am I really vulnerable? No. This is a flashback. Mom beat me when I did the next right thing. For her the next right thing was to suppress my next right thing. I can't even say that she beat me when I did something else than the next right thing.

So, I'm about to take a shower. I can do it now knowing that there was no way to escape the beatings. I was powerless over them. I also know that the beatings are intruding on the present. I try to control something in the past by changing my behavior today.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Writing out your feeling is one way to start the process of “thinking and feeling” again. Setting a time limit on doing things also will help with the procrastination. Set a timer and just do your task for the amount of time that you set the timer for. Do this routinely for at least a week and then see how you feel. It’s all about getting back into a routine and sticking to it.

 

[Friday]

There have been a few angry episodes recently of me breaking stuff. I nearly broke something this morning. There has been other stuff broken recently. I would liked to know if other people here also go through this?

One of my frequent mantras is “Don’t kill anybody, don’t break anything.”

Oh dysregulation & maintaining self control by the skin of my teeth. :wtf: or not. :banghead:

This post can help a lot with anger management https://www.myptsd.com/threads/dealing-with-anger.49686/#post-790680

Also, avoidance is a big issue for me, heavy procrastination. There are specific hobbies I have which need me to practice, and I am putting off doing it, again,

When I stop doing the things that I enjoy? Am even struggling to do the things I need? It’s a reeeeally bad sign that I am either deep in survival mode or depression.

Survival mode, for me, is comparatively easy. It’s mostly stress cup stuff. Lower my stress & I tend to back off from living in the moment, and can actually start living my life, again. I use the example fairly often of explaining survival mode like a house on fire. Do you stop to put another load of wash in the machine and sit and match socks when your house is on fire? Of course not. That would be terminally stupid. Instead you grab your loved ones and get the f*ck out of the burning house. The problem with survival mode? All my everything is reacting like the house is on fire... when it’s a perfectly lovely day. Not a spark in sight. Just TRY telling my brain that :banghead: So it’s a constant battle to stop during the house fire lovely day to do a load of laundry. Or take a shower. Or cook dinner. An exhausting battle. That isn’t even worth fighting for needed things, much less “fun” things.

Depression I’m pretty damn clueless on. I’m sure there’s some kind of way to deal with it. I haven’t found one, yet.

 

[Ann Barry]

Hello everyone. This is my first non introductory post. I guess I am having kind of a rough day. Ther...

Your post is like a word mirror to me - meaning that the words of your post are like thoughts in my mind - expect it's needed house work
that I avoid. It's been many, many, too, too many months. I don't know why either. No good or known reason. A quote comes to mind:
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
Pray we both take that 1st step...1st thing...tomorrow...

 

[shatter eyes]

All my everything is reacting like the house is on fire... when it’s a perfectly lovely day. Not a spark in sight... :banghead:

That is what I go thru and have not been able to describe it like you have.

I avoid many things and keep falling behind...

 

[Ann Barry]

That is what I go thru and have not been able to describe it like you have.

I avoid many things a...

Tomorrow {when I wake up} I'm going to take a 1st step in 1 corner of 1 room & try to last 1 hour.
I encourage you to {at least try to} do the same.

I seem to avoid things when my anxiety is very high and it puts me in fear mode. I eventually get most thi...

High anxiety = No concentration for me. You?
Do "normal" people burn-off anxiety by doing a chore/project? Is that a "healthy" thing to do?
Anybody out there know what a normal or healthy person does when feeling anxiety?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Anybody out there know what a normal or healthy person does when feeling anxiety?

I think that when anyone is in full on anxiety mode everything slows down and maybe even comes to a full stop until they can collect themselves. I have no idea what they do. Yes I lose concentration when in full on anxiety mode and thank you very much for asking the question because it made me realize not to be so hard on myself but rather pay attention and do more self care until I can collect me more.

 

[Suzetig]

Just TRY telling my brain that :banghead: So it’s a constant battle to stop during the house fire lovely day to do a load of laundry. Or take a shower. Or cook dinner. An exhausting battle. That isn’t even worth fighting for needed things, much less “fun” things.

That's exactly where I get to - it's impossible to make dinner, fold laundry or clean house while it's on fire (which is what my brain is telling me), and I don't want to sit and watch it burn either so I can distract myself with mindless shite until my brain remembers that nothing is actually burning.

 

[Gs172003]

I'm constantly running. And running. And running. I can't stop. I work out. I hike. I work out some more. I'm not entirely sure why. It stresses me to not be moving. It keeps my brain quiet. Don't even get me started on anger, oh boy. I'm getting better there though.

Showering, cleaning etc? Hard. I will shower but it takes me a while and I hate it. Cleaning sucks. I will straighten up but that's the extent. The only thing I take care of on a routine basis is my chickens.