Avoiding people but wanting support

[xXRockFiendXx]

I'm sure there is a thread somewhere like this but reading other posts can be triggering so i'm just going to write today--
I am avoiding relationships and vulnerability because they hurt me
but
I desperately want connection with people
I keep just watching shows and movies and approximates of what I would like
but it's so hard to go out in the world and actually
reach
out

 

[ladee]

We hear you... do you have a question or questions or want some feedback?

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I agree

 

[LuckiLee]

Reaching out here is a great first step. Glad you found us!

 

[Joan]

I agree....that push/pull...tough!

 

[EveHarrington]

Try reaching out online first?

It’s good practice.

I am working on strengthening both online and real life friendships.

For a long time I could only socialize online. It’s only been recently that I’ve started making friends in person. Not that I don’t love my online friends. It’s just different.

 

[Still Standing]

Try reaching out online first?

It’s good practice.

I am working on strengthening both online...

DITTO. I am pretty much isolated, too. I only have one friend that I can talk (lightly) to about my mental health issue. The only 'safe' place to talk, ask questions, commiserate, and get some support is here on this forum. It has become a lifeline, of sorts. It goes a long way in taking some of the angst away, that loads me down and disperses it, so when in public, it is easier to participate in the social surroundings.

 

[Mee]

I think it’s courageous you are owning what you want and are fearful of.

I think that what I have identified is I am only seeking contact with authentic people with integrity. That doesn’t mean our views have to align but people who cannot stand by what they say are ‘no use’ to themselves let alone me and I am no ‘use’ to them.

I am also learning that the world does not seek authenticity which is confusing :).

I find spoken voice comforting to stay a little connected. Less histrionic Talk radio and audio books might be helpful so you stay ‘ in practice’ with words if that makes any sense to you.

 

[Daizy_Gray]

I'm sure there is a thread somewhere like this but reading other posts can be triggering so i'm j...

I am proud of you for posting because this is such a hard topic to talk about since therein lies the problem! I experienced a traumatic event involving an uncle a little over a year ago and it’s taken so much from me including my ability or desire to connect with others. After it happened I found myself overwhelmingly effected by other people- ANY contact with friends or family was exhausting and brought up too many confusing emotions. It took almost a year before I realized I was still isolating out of fear of disappointment and fear of loosing anyone else I loved. It’s never going to be easy to open yourself up to other people when you’ve been so badly wounded... I’ve had to find a balance for myself to honor my need for seclusion or protection while being painfully aware that I need to take time to connect with others or else the fear and cognitive distortions that developed after the trauma will only be further re-enforced.
Every day I have to decide whether I need to push myself to go visit a friend or call a family member- every day I sit with my thoughts and navigate whether today I owe it to myself to have alone time-every day i face my fear about connecting with other people and after a lot of healing and time I can say that it’s still difficult to be honest with myself about when my isolation is out of protection or fear or both.
I made a promise to myself to not allow what happened to me ruin my relationships with other people and the world but it took a lot of time. Some days I can keep that promise better than others but I always talk to myself about it to honor both my need for avoidance and connectedness. My avoidance is about protection- understanding it was the first step for me in starting to take control over it.
I hope you’re doing alright and I wish you the very best.
Thank you for posting- I think I really needed to vent some of this for myself too.

 

[Bibine]

I'm sure there is a thread somewhere like this but reading other posts can be triggering so i'm j...

Same here! I don't do much with people, don't go out much, even though I love it and really need it... I also need to stay home alone and bum around with my thoughts and feelings... It's difficult to find balance! Many times when I spent a weekend doing nothing and seeing nobody, I feel sad, dissatisfied, lonely. And yet I made it so, because I can't really have too much hassle and noise around my head... need silence, need to move in my own rhythm... with healing music and stuff like that... so yes, I totally understand you!