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Matilda

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I start a new job in two hours and I have to leave for my college in 45 minutes, but I can barely get myself out of bed as I feel the incoming onslaught of a panic attack. I woke up under the overwhelming realization of the situation between my father and I. The part that tries to forget and continues in denial is temporarily broken and despite everything, my stupid heart still misses him. I still feel the sting and anger from my almost sister abandoning me and for some reason i still hate my mother who I thought i reconciled with. My brain is moving faster than I can bear, but I can't exactly skip class or work for the matter. I just need to be alone and sit in a deep trench somewhere.
 
i would say one simple word....relax , you are under stress from starting a new job which is recognized as being a major stressor , i can relate to how your feeling, when i go under enormous stress , the first things that come to mind are always my traumas or unresolved situations from them. Recognize your vulnerabilities and put things in perspective..simply..."what is the worst thing that could possibly happen" the job may not work out or it may be perfect , but put yourself under this much stress and letting your intrusive thoughts take over will only result in you becoming more stressed.

Calm yourself and look at the positives...you have a job..someone has recognized your value and ability, and you have the guts to take it this far , so you are more than capable of holding it together and moving forward, just dont let the negative destroy the positives you are building. I wish you the very best on your first day and give yourself a big pat on the back for getting this far.
 
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