Relationship Baking To Get Through Withdrawn Periods

[HopeForever]

This probably sounds a bit silly, but everytime this happens, I wonder if anyone else uses baking/cooking to get through the withdrawn periods?

My boyfriend lives with me, but we sleep in different rooms because of the sleeping issues, so when he's going through a withdrawn period, we are more just friends ( that's how our relationship started). He has a major sweet tooth, and he loves when I cook for him. When he's withdrawn, and I want to show him my love but can't, I bake and bake. I'll bake him cookies and bread everyday, make him his favorite meals, and it helps me. I don't have to say anything, but he knows that I'm still here and care about him, and by him eating them, it shows me he appreciates my love. It know it kinda sounds silly..but even when we first started dating (after being friends for 14 years) I always made him cookies. When I didn't know what was going on during these withdrawn periods, I'd drop off cookies and he'd always open up to some extent.

When my heart feels broken simply because it hurts because I know he is hurting so much and I can't hug him, or talk to him, baking heals me. I'm able to do something for him that I know he loves and it comforts him too.

Does anyone else so this, or have other behind the scenes tricks that help you get through?

Sarah

 

[amethist]

Do what ever you need to do to get past the hard times.

Baking is very soothing, and if it brings him back to you without any pressure, then keep baking.

I spent hours last year making soups of all kinds, it was very therapeutic for me in the dark days.

 

[NarcSis]

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

So true, good for you.

 

[catjudo]

I don't think it sounds silly at all. It is an activity which makes you feel good and helps to heal you...at the same time it is a seemingly pressure-free way of letting your boyfriend know that you are still there and you still care. Sounds like a win-win situation. Silly is the last thing that comes to mind when I hear this. It sounds beautiful.

 

[Lucycat]

Oh hope forever I am with you on this one - even from a different perspective. I am the sufferer, but I love baking for Rory when I am in the right mood. I don't eat much of it but I love to see his face when I have baked something special. It is something I love doing even when I am feeling bad.

Marmalade season is coming up - usually February depending on the oranges. That will keep me busy. It is an achievement.

I love it!

 

[Bilby]

I bake - not only do I enjoy it and find it relaxing (and sometimes challenging, depending on what I'm doing) but I like it when other people enjoy the fruits of my labour! I find it is a good distraction for me.

 

[petal_picking_poet]

This thread so touched my heart.

As a sufferer, I am also a huge baker and use baking in a similar way. When I feel withdrawn, baking is an activity that allows me to be with myself in a way that I can stand myself and keep occupied. Since I'm from a very southern household, baking was one of the first and most important things I learned, from the time that I was too young to even crack an egg. It holds a lot of happy memories for me, and it really has a way of making me feel useful and bringing me back. Self-care for me is usually baking and painting my nails while the goodies are in the oven.

And even though I have never been good at saying, "I'm sorry," or "I love you," I am a professional at leaving a box of baked goodies on your doorstep with a calling card. Probably not the best that I use baking to avoid "I love you" and "I'm sorry" conversations this way, but baking has allowed me to say things that really need to be said when I've been completely incapable of doing so otherwise.

I am so glad to hear that baking has been so good for you, too, and I think it is absolutely beautiful that it has provided you with a way to communicate with your partner even in the hardest of times. I know that he must certainly appreciate not only the goodies you bake but the wonderful way you have found to care for him while still making sure he has his space. What a wonderful thing it is that you do for him. :inlove:

 

[Bilby]

Probably not the best that I use baking to avoid "I love you" and "I'm sorry" conversations this way, but baking has allowed me to say things that really need to be said when I've been completely incapable of doing so otherwise.

I think what you're doing is a lovely thing to do and I'm sure it would be greatly appreciated by the recipient. If you ask me, it is acknowledgment of whatever has taken place and is your 'way' - it's far better than sticking your head in the sand and failing to acknowledge it at all. Good on you!