Been Given An Exit Date

[Melody coates]

the dreaded day has come that I have been given an exit date from the shelter I stay at. I have to be gone by the 9th of January. I have to pray that this other shelter has room for me or I'm f*cked. and I WILL NOT leave on the streets. everything I've been working for, college, volunteering at the hospital to try to get in, has been in vain. If I have no where to go on the 9th and I refuse to live on the streets so you can guess what my other option is :(:(:(

 

[Em C.]

Try couch surfing? It's not the safest thing in the world but it is an option

 

[Melody coates]

@Em C. you mean crash on random people's couches? yeah not happening :eek:

 

[Em C.]

Understandable; just pointing out that there are more options than living on the streets or doing what I think you're alluding to.

 

[joeylittle]

@Melody coates, have you looked at all the craigslist options in your area? I don't know if you have any financial resource at all, but sometimes there are situations on there that can perfectly fit needs like yours. I don't mean housing in exchange for "cuddles" (usual euphemism for live rent-free for sex), I mean times when people are just wanting to get a few bucks for their room in a multi-bedroom place because they will be gone for a bit, or people who really need a petsitter and don't want to pay for one...

Also, have you asked around the shelter for anyone else with an exit date who does not know what they are doing yet?

This has to be really scary - but one of the best ways you can help yourself not get overwhelmed is just by making a list of as many avenues that you can - even if they seem far-fetched or you think you can't make them work. Better to find places to look than not panic.

I also hate to suggest this: do you have a car? It's generally not legal to live in a car, but people do it anyway.

 

[Melody coates]

@joeylittle no car. I've contacted other agencies in the area and there's nothing they can really do. I have to pray that this one shelter has room for me or I snag a job by then. which is unlikely

 

[crazy8]

Oh sweetie I'm sorry. Do you live in a cold or warm environment?

 

[sun seeker]

House sitting. I think that is what @joeylittle is getting at but I thought I'd give it a name. Advertise on bulletin boards. There is a wide variety of opinions on house-sitting arrangements, from people who will want you to pay them to people who will pay you. Usually it is a straight trade. Be sure to present yourself as having something of value to offer rather than asking them a favor.

I have a friend who spent several months camping and actually found it a positive experience, getting closer to nature and all that. It wasn't January though. Like @crazy8 said, how cold is it where you live?

I've lived in a school bus before - on someone's land. It isn't the Ritz, but it's better than nothing.

I'm really sorry you are going through this and can imagine how you must be feeling. I'm just trying to help you open to more options than those you are seeing.

 

[joeylittle]

Yep, @sun seeker, exactly. Housesitting. But also, in my area (and it's a metro area) you can post on Craigslist for "housing wanted", and state that you are looking for a room for a period of time, can't pay much but can do all the housecleaning, for example.

There are also short-short term sublets, like "rent my room for one month for $100".

And you've got to be safe, and talk to the people, etc, but sometimes (often) people are genuinely looking to make something work out, not trying to scam you.

 

[sun seeker]

But also, in my area (and it's a metro area) you can post on Craigslist for "housing wanted", and state that you are looking for a room for a period of time, can't pay much but can do all the housecleaning, for example.

Right - or there are care-taking arrangements, like older people who don't need full-time care but want someone around just in case. Or what about managing an apartment building, that can get you free rent. Or if you are in a climate where it isn't the dead of winter - or possibly even if it is - there is WWOOFing (working on a farm in exchange for room and board), there is an international registry of people looking for said arrangements.

I realize some of these ideas require being more stable emotionally than the OP might be feeling right now, but I'm trying to prime the pump. If you can think of this as a challenge, albeit a challenge you didn't sign up for, it can get you thinking about the possibilities instead of the dead ends. I really hope this isn't coming across as unfeeling. In this situation I would probably be paralyzed with fear. But that's the thing, it's fear that gets in the way of seeing all the other options.

 

[Seagreen]

A friend of mine hosts wwoofers on her farm. It is an excellent program. Free food and accommodation In exchange for help around the farm. It is regulated through an agency so you have that extra layer of protection.

I've been in homeless too. I remember the bottomless pit of emptiness and dispair. My opinion of myself was pretty low at that time. I thought i was worthless for having failed at life. But what i really needed was to care for and value myself more than ever.

That was over 10 years ago and life has changed much. I played a big part in that. I live by the beach now with my partner and children. I have a place to call home and pictures of my family on the wall. It is a place where I can ground myself and it fills at least some of the gap.

Things can change and they will if you stick it out long enough. Anything you've studied or worked for is not down the drain. You have earned yourself some life valuable experience. We often learn more during our lows than we do during our highs. Life has an ebb and flow. I try to imagine that during the ebb I'm growing and building when I come back I'll be wiser and stronger than before. There is always an ebb and there is always a flow. You never know what is around the corner.

 

[Bonsiren]

I was homeless for most of my adult life up until about a year ago. I felt like a huge failure, entirely worthless. There's not much more that made me feel invisible than sitting on the street, needing a shower and food, and watching people pass around me like I'm not there. Being homeless is like dirt--it sticks to the skin. Leave it there long enough and it's hard to wash off. I've lived in the same apartment for almost a year, and it's hard to feel stable. So whenever it's possible, take care of yourself, love yourself.

I used Facebook to couch-surf with people that I knew and had a good friend of mine give me references from people she knew and trusted that I hadn't met. I spent a while living in a car, but I was employed at the time and worked night-shift. So once a week I paid for a night at an extended-stay motel to do laundry and take a shower: no one at my employment could know I was homeless, as they had a history of firing people who became financially insecure or were just flat-out living in their car (I'm still not sure how that's even legal).

My sister was able to get a free room and food for quite a while by being a full-time care provider for an elderly woman. They weren't looking for a nurse, just someone who could live in the house with her and help out. No rent and no utilities and they paid her $400/month or so on top of it. Before she turned eighteen, she worked on farms outside of town for a bit of money and a bed. She was able to befriend the farmers, and they'd ask for her back as often as possible.

I don't know how many states they're in, but if you can find a Goodwill, they can help. The job connection services has a lot of contact built up. They offer free usage on computers for job hunting and they'll help you with a resume. When my employment specialist learned I was homeless, she dug up a bunch of paperwork she'd put together (I guess she saw my situation a lot) and gave it to me: it was a list of all the free services provided by non-profits and churches. Everything from public showers to open beds to food banks.

I hope things get better soon. :')

Edit: Forgot to mention, I did everything I could to keep my cell phone on. It took a while before I can even buy it, but when I did, I paid the bill every month--even if it meant scrounging for change. It is so much easier to find work and shelter if you can keep an active phone number. Aside from my partner, my phone was my most important possession.