Well this was the biggest bullshit of a f*cking day.
Another thing I need to go over in therapy: my writing.
I’m an author. I’ve published 16 books.
. . . and then pulled them all down. Suppose the author title no longer applies.
I want to write, I have so many stories in me. But I’m having a very hard time being okay with writing out what I want and my own morals. I love the dark side of romance. Dark, kinky, toxic, bully, abusive, dangerous romance books are where my heart is for both reading and writing.
I’ve tried so hard to read things that are “healthier” and I’m so damned bored by them every time. I like the safe drama of exploring so much that I could never do in person.
The problem is that there are people who use the things they consume as a roadmap for how their relationship should go. It’s actually been interesting to watch that. I was a big dark romance reader long before it became popular, at least 10+ years now. But then it started to slowly increase in popularity, then TikTok was created, then in the last couple years- TikTok found dark romance and the whole thing has taken this weird turn. I hate when the masses take a hold of anything I love because they distort it into just something wrong.
I don’t know. I don’t know what I want to do. I pulled my books down, partially because of that and partially because I want to rewrite them. But I haven’t rewritten them because I have this thought that I want to just completely reboot with new pen names and only healthy depictions. But I know I would be forcing myself then and would grow to dislike writing altogether.
I could just write what I want and try to convince my brain that it’s okay to be a part of an actual problem in this world where we do glorify the darker, sicker parts of humanity in the name of safe fantasy. No romance author writes these relationships as blueprints for reality, it’s fantasy for a reason. But they get blamed for that anyway. They get blamed for creating a culture of normalizing terrible things and encouraging people to participate in those dynamics.
But seriously, that’s not the case. It’s strictly fantasy and there shouldn’t be anything wrong with exploring that. We all know that actual mafia bosses look like bloated and balding fish, not the six packed guy in his early 30s. But a social responsibility is created when the masses get a hold of things.
I need some accountability. I have several open WIPs that I want to work on even beyond the series I was just referring to. They are all unrelated to each other, different genres, will most likely get different pen names. I want to be one of those authors who stays a year ahead and finishes series before even mentioning them on socials let alone publishing the first. I see so many authors publishing the first of a series as soon as they finish writing it, but then are pressure hard by readers to hurry up and do the next. Which I know doesn’t work for me.
So with that said. I want to see where I am right now. Detail my goals. And then I’ll do my very best to execute. *Each book name is a nickname, not what it will actually be just to keep anonymity*
Kink Series: 0 words currently written, verrrrrry light idea of an outline. Plan is to be 10 books of interconnected characters exploring certain kinks and dynamics at 10,000 words each. Would like to start publishing at the beginning of summer (or earlier) and release one a month.
Project Cigarette: 832 words currently written, majority of outline determined but have certain things I want to change that have stalled progress. Particularly why I wanted to read more in other genres because this is definitely not a romance or spice. Would ideally publish this July of 2025.
Project Dinosaur: 404 words currently written, zero plot outlined. This one, I’m not doing a plot. I don’t want any confinement here, this one is just a fun discovery write. Unfortunately that means it hasn’t had any priority. If I choose to publish, I’d like November 2025.
Project Mafia rewrite/finish: 35,432 words currently written. I’m reworking the plot and honestly most of those words will be deleted/reworked. I’m just not happy with it no matter what I do. *IF* I push for publication, it’d be ideal to releas book 1 at the beginning of 2025, book 2 mid year, book 3 end of year. I don’t know if it will happen.
I do believe I’m going to completely scrap the previous kink books. I’m going to start that completely fresh with the above series. It’s just not worth trying to salvage what’s written.