News Breastfeeding In Public?

[rightkindofme]

All of the medical literature I've seen says that up to two glasses of wine a day is safe. :)

 

[Seagreen]

for me - the op- who started this post it is the fact that my perpetrator tried to do 'pretend ' breast feeding from me as a teenager. It was a part of my abuse. that is why it is such a big deal.

That is horrible. I understand why it makes you feel uncomfortable.

 

[GWhizz]

@AngelkeeperJ/AKJ me too - the midwife called to check on me a few days postpartum and when I told her my son had been vomiting every feed overnight (he had reflux and I didn't realise I should avoid certain foods myself), she told me to give him a bottle of tepid water - she was surprised when I asked her if I could give it on a spoon/syringe - I didn't have a single bottle around!

 

[rightkindofme]

We had bottles in the house but we didn't try to use them till my daughter was four months old. She flat refused by that point. It was hard because I had to take a class to finish my masters degree and she would cry and refuse milk while I was gone. :(

 

[Lucycat]

I'm really surprised, that this topic was even worth a thread..

Thanks. I actually find it quite important to be able to discuss all sorts of triggers in relation to my Complex PTSD. I am beginning to regret starting this thread that was never meant to be about the rights and wrongs of infant feeding. Clearly my opening post was entirely flawed.

and this is why this post was started in 'childhood' and not somewhere else.

But the moderators have deemed it inappropriate to have this discussion within the realms of Childhood sexual abuse and want it to be a general debate. That was not my intention.

It's very sad that there is even a debate about what is the most natural thing in the world.

It is a TRIGGER! the 'debate' is about the news coverage about breastfeeding is distressing for me. An earthquake is natural. Would that be out of bounds for discussion if it were a trigger to you?

I knew I wanted babies as soon as I found out girls were the ones who got to have them. I knew I would want to breastfeed them.

So did I. But it never happened.

They can't seem to separate the sexuality of breasts to other functions. I find this incredibly stupid.

Because my abuser used my breasts to abuse me.

You are entitled to your feelings and opinions. For sure. But they can change with more knowledge. Think and research a little bit.

I have a lot of knowledge in breastfeeding. I was forced to undergo professional breastfeeding training. I know absolutely all the theory- that really is not relevant at all to this discussion.

I think it is weird how people mistake breasts as sexual objects.

When a mother is breastfeeding her child there is nothing sexual about it.

people need to learn to differentiate childcare from sex.

My abuser made the act of suckling an abuse. It is like trying to differentiate sexual abuse from all future sex - the link is there in the brain and it is incredibly difficult to cut that tie. I agree that feeding a baby is not a sexual act, but suckling on a breast has that link in my brain to the abuse - the rest of the abuse - I was receiving at the same time. Literally at the same time.

I struggled with breast feeding because of my abuse and I struggled seeing women breastfeeding...but I know these are my issues so I have never said anything.

Well done. I do get that this is my problem I wish I had done as you and said nothing here .

On that point, I always find it ridiculous that females can't go around topless.

Actually if I am on holiday where it is acceptable to go topless then I will and do. Seeing bare breasts is absolutely not a problem.

Firstly breastfeeding is not a choice.

Using an infant formula is a choice

Do you see the contradiction? Of course they are both a choice.

We all have to live in this world. If it makes you uncomfortable that is your problem. Life is uncomfortable..

Yes and I have acknowledged that. Just like we are all here on this forum because we have problems. I (mistakenly) thought this was a safe place to share a particular problem that I have.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

(((Dear Lucycat)))
I'm VERY glad you brought up the subject, even though it has upset a few people. The reality is, that abuse/PTSD effects everyone in a different way. I'm sorry for anyone who couldn't have children. (I had almost given up hope)

My heart goes out to ALL of us who have been sexually abused. I've been single for 20 years this year, and a lot of it because of the touch issue. I keep almost everyone at an arm's length away. Unless I initiate a hug. It is hard work to overcome, and I haven't really worked on it in therapy, because I have chosen to stay 'alone'. After 4 failed marriages, I figured out, I was the problem.

Best wishes to you (((Lucycat))):hug: (if okay)

AKJ

 

[digger]

My abuser made the act of suckling an abuse. It is like trying to differentiate sexual abuse from all future sex - the link is there in the brain and it is incredibly difficult to cut that tie. I agree that feeding a baby is not a sexual act, but suckling on a breast has that link in my brain to the abuse - the rest of the abuse - I was receiving at the same time. Literally at the same time.

I absolutely understand that @Lucycat - there are (innocent/natural) things that have unnatural connections in my head due to abuse and even though I know it is the abuse that put the connection there and not the actual act, those types of connection are really hard to override.

ETA - For example sometimes seeing fathers innocently playing with their children in certain ways triggers me and I have to remind myself that it is not what they are doing that is wrong, it is what was done to me that was wrong. In the same way that it is not the mother feeding her child that is wrong, it is the abuse you suffered that tainted that for you that was wrong. Much as I'd like to remove all triggers from my life, it is not for father's to stop playing innocently with their children in public or to play more discreetly though.

My response was not solely to you. I know that you are not saying that you consider it to be a sexual act but that it is a trigger for you and has had sexual connotations imposed on it for you by your abuse. There have been other responses though that liken it to a sexual act, and to me, as someone who was both abused and chose to breastfeed, that suggestion is triggering to me.

I'm sorry the thread got moved. I didn't completely understand from your original post but from your later posts, that it was intended to be about how you are triggered by it and how things like this get twisted by abuse, rather than a more general discussion.

I hope I haven't made this more difficult for you. Was not my intention.

 

[rightkindofme]

Lucycat, I'm sorry that you feel it wasn't ok to bring up this topic. I feel it got away from the idea of "triggers" and more into the nitty gritty of the act of breastfeeding and that doesn't seem to be what you wanted to do. I'm sorry I contributed to that.

Dealing with triggers is hard and has no relationship to whether or not an act is good or not. It's a trigger. It's a reminder.

I can absolutely understand that seeing all the news is triggering and upsetting. I'm sorry I've helped you feel bad.

 

[Nam]

@Lucycat The thread didn't go in the direction you wanted. I'm sorry I contributed to that. The title and the first half of your post seemed to indicate you wanted to discuss how society reacts to breastfeeding. I was also responding to others that have posted after your post. Then you asked that you can't be the only one that feels this way. No, you are not alone in your opinions, however, the reason behind your opinion is very valid and more rare.

If this is a post about triggers: well, that's something you are going to have to find out with trial and error what works for you. If it's people who know you well and your history well, you might be able to ask them to stop doing whatever it is that is triggering you. But most of the time, it's an internal struggle. How severe is your reaction and does it interfere with normal activities?

If you are asking if anyone else feels this way, me personally, no. I have a friend that does feel this way. And I support her in wanting to bottle feed. However, I do feel that because she feels this way, she has work to do and I've told her as such. The past prevents her from enjoying the present and that doesn't seem optimal. (I know this sounds utopian. If it just influenced you, then maybe okay. But if it influences and changes the lives of others for the worse, then you really have to evaluate.)

You understand that breastfeeding is normal, biological way to feed a baby. You understand the science. I wonder how you would feel about it if you didn't have your history? I ask you because if your history is the ONLY reason you don't like seeing breastfeeding children, even with all that you know is right, then you also have work to do with your history. In this argument, it has nothing to do with society. If you want someone to make you feel better in your feelings, then sure, society might be able to help you, but it's not for the same reason.

((Lucycat)) I hope that clears things up a little.

 

[anthony]

@Lucycat I understand what your intent may have been, but honestly, reading your opening post, it doesn't come close to being about childhood trauma, triggers or anything else, and is quite general and broad. There is just no way in hell I could leave it within those forum subjects, because as people have interpreted the same as I have, being quite a general natured thread, all hell would break loose if some breast feeding activist got hold that this was in a trauma category. I could read the negative publicity headlines already, "MyPTSD.com Subjugates Breast Feeding as Traumatic!"

It would be chaos. Feel free to draft a more apt opening post and go for it again within those forums, but make it specific and not broad, as this one is. We all screw up opening posts... shit, I've done it more than anyone on this site, and as a result they often get moved and started again. This one is no different... some are lesser issues. This is a highly controversial issue online, and thus as a result of the opening posts broadness, I moved it here to eliminate such blowback.

Remember the dog one? The person killed their dog due to inhumane issues, claimed PTSD and it was viral... they posted here and the haters followed here, posting their hate onto this site, which had nothing to do with PTSD or their trauma journey.

 

[.Bubbles.]

Honestly, I don't think breastfeeding should be public. If a woman needs to breastfeed in public, I do think she should be covered up. It just seems wrong (not breastfeeding itself, just having breasts exposed in public) as I DO think they are sexual.

 

[Friday]

Breasts ARE sexual and nobody is ever going to convince me otherwise considering that Uhm, yes, let's just say that's the fastest way to turn me on. Maybe other women aren't that sensitive if they can honestly say they're just hunks of fat flapping in the wind with no sexual element? Can you not see that it's not breastFEEDING but the breasts themselves that make people uncomfortable?

I think I kinda pity women who say that breasts aren't sexual b/c OMFG you have no idea what you're missing out on.... (Yeah, I think I just went there...)

Lmao... My breasts have a direct line to God. 2nd most sexual part of me. I can get off with breast play alone, and even something not overtly sexual (camisole or fabric brushing lightly, or squashed up against a post or something as I squeeze by) can still send desire pooling, lightning flashing, all kinds of fun & excitement. Shazaam.

I've also breastfed. Least. Sexual. Thing. On. The. Planet. Entirely different feeling. Not even accounting for all the chapped, cracked, blistered, bleeding nipples (and engorgement, and infections) that happen the first few weeks, but laying all the pure pure eye crossing pain aside and moving into about a month later? Still absolutely no turn on, sexual flutters or lightning strikes. At best (physically) there's a similar relief as peeing / relieving the pressure. At 2nd worst, it's simply trying to stay awake. Nursing is exhausting. In part, because you're doing it every 2 hours around the clock, in part because your body is having to manufacture it. (First worst is screaming pain). Most of the time it's just "eh". You can feel the milk traveling through the ducts, but it's just movement. Again, rather like peeing. Or swallowing a drink. Nothing to write home about.

I've had sex both while nursing and after. Still had&has that direct line to God. Dual functioning organs. Pretty nifty.

I suspect it's rather like men don't ejaculate every time they have to pee. No matter how sensitive their penises are / how much pleasure they derive from using them sexually... When they're using them to urinate? They're busy taking a piss.