Childhood Can being spanked or beaten with a belt as a child cause problems in adulthood

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If you're religious or non-religious that's your preference. I'm going to respond to the OP here and...
Readinh this resonated with me so much and filled me with extreme sadness. I am so sorry that your dad treated you that way. Most churches that I have been to have all been a bit sexist, the one that I am at now has toner it down a bit but that doesn't exclude what was said in the Bible directly... Even if the Bible isn't sexist, the translators aka pastors seem to interpret it that way and it feels really discouraging sometimes sitting in church hearing women's roles. Regarding me being abused, it really makes me sad because even though I have a therapist now I still feel like I can't talk to anyone about my situation for fear or ridicule and it's really humiliating. Vulnerability isn't my strong suit and I don't want to risk being laughed at. I have resorted to self harm to ease triggers because the pastor makes jokes about punishments now, his metaphors seem more abusive and it triggers me. I think I'm too sensitive to be on this Earth and although I'm not thinking about leaving anytime soon it's frustrating how repulsed I get by certain things that involve what I have been talking about on this forum.
 

frogthroat

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Everyone can believe whatever they want but the best thing that ever happened to me was being free from religion. If you ever read the Bible then you know it's not uplifting and it's even less uplifting when you're a woman. It says directly in Wisdom (which is part the Catholic Bible) that women are inferior to men and that daughters are a burden to their fathers. I remember my mom telling me we had to wear dresses and grow our hair long. (We never did because she finally came to her senses.) We went to church at this creepy woman's house and her thirty something year old son took me out to the barn to show me the animals he was stuffing. I remember looking into a drum with some kind of fluid and a fox skin and I don't remember anything else. I don't want to. He showed me his shotguns and I vividly remember his hands. I don't know why. I was 11 years old. I listened to all the fire and brimstone sermons I literally thought it was bullshit from the beginning but that's my opinion.
 

Gs172003

MyPTSD Pro
I don't think people realize that they aren't SUPPOSED to stay where they don't feel comfortable. There is a difference in petty reasons ( I don't like the music, I don't like that lady in the aisle over there she gets on my nerves) and plain out uncomfortable. There is no sin in going to different places until it just feels right.
 
I don't think people realize that they aren't SUPPOSED to stay where they don't feel comfortable. There...
What if we're uncomfortable with the message itself? Then what? If the Bible says something that people interpret as an okay to hurt children in the name of the lord. I'm surrounded by messages like this from well meaning Christian's that have done the most damage to me and still justify it with a scripture that may have been turned and screwed in all sorts of ways. And let's not forget Christian parenting books because those are responsible for causing alot of God's children to stumble, yet no one talks about that unless it's behind closed doors or on this forum.
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
It's ok to stop going to church all together and work on the trauma surrounding spirituality and then go back. One doesn't have to church hop looking for "the one" that you are comfortable in as there seems to be some underlining trauma or at least pain there and in my humble opinion you may end up church hoping only to cause more pain and suffering then whats already there. I've been there. Forced myself to go to a church with my dad and step mom (no way I could go alone) just to sit there having flashbacks and being disossiated the entire time. Its ok to stop going to church to heal that then try to find a good church home. You can worship "god" just the same at home as you can at church. You can even have fellowship with other Christians without going into a church. If you want sermons all you have to do is turn on a podcast. You don't have to be in a church to get any of that.

It's ok to stop going to church for right now and it doesn't make one less of a christian to do so.

I'm not replying to one person at all but just some thoughts that came to me.
 

Gs172003

MyPTSD Pro
Some people find comfort in their faith and for some church is part of it. But...Of the church you are attending makes you uncomfortable then just keep looking. You'll know the right one when you find it.
 

klohwee

New Here
I posted something on myptsd a while back that included me mentioning getting belted alot as a child and some pe...

I made a throwaway account just to respond to this. I feel your pain. My mom had bpd among other mental health issues. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells around her because the smallest things would set her off. There were times where I would get belted everyday and most of the time I didn't know why. It made me scared of her, and other adults. She had a friend/lover Jon who was at our house all the time and would watch us when my mom wasn't around. He was very touchy with me, always making me sit on his lap. He molested me a few times. So when he spanked me I felt competently violated but also turned on. This is when my spanking obsession started. I remember having sexual fantasies about being beaten from the age of 4. I would often reenact shit with my sister. I got in trouble multiple times for being inappropriate which sometimes lead to more beatings. I would masturbate to memories of being spanked and molested by Jon.

I was extremely ashamed and felt like a total sicko. I told myself multiple times that I would stop, because I just wanted to be normal. I was 15 when I started drinking and getting high to forget the sick shit in my head. When pot and liqueur stopped working I started getting into harder drugs like coke and heroin. I also use to cut myself and overdose on my meds. I ended up in the hospital multiple times and was diagnosed bpd, just like my dear mother. I commend you because you were able to stop acting it out. For me it's like a reoccurring addiction, I can stop for awhile but then I get triggered and start again.

I have a real hard time with intimate relationships as well. I don't trust anybody but I can't stand to be alone so I jump from relationship to relationship. I only enjoy sex if I am on drugs or being abused. I have a ridiculously high sex drive too so I get sexually frustrated easily and have done shitty things like cheat on my partner or f*ck my boss. I honestly wish I could just turn my sex drive off forever and never have to think about it again.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that. But I want you to know that you are not alone. You are brave for sharing this. It's hard to admit we were spanked and didn't turn out fine in a society that strongly supports corporal punishment. People who spank their kids need to be aware of what they are doing because it can easily cross the line of abuse. Our parents crossed that line and now we are dealing with the repercussions from that. There is nothing wrong for how we reacted to the abuse. Children who are traumatized tend to reenact their trauma because their brains aren't developed enough to really process it. Once you realize that your shameful obsessions are really just normal reactions to trauma, the healing begins.
 
I made a throwaway account just to respond to this. I feel your pain. My mom had bpd among other mental...
This just helped me so much. When you say bpd do you mean borderline or bipolar? I've been looking into those alot lately because of all of my issues that have been coming up. This is especially so now more than ever. my maybe and I recently we're talking about how we'd raise kids if we'd have one together and he brought up spanking and paddling and I went ballistic on him. He said I acted as if he we're a monster and was shocked that I acted that way over something that happens to pretty much everyone. I don't share my childhood with anyone just because of the shame along with it. I don't want to hear that I deserved it even though I feel that way and I don't want people to feel sorry for me either. My mates left confused about my reaction because of this. Also on top of that I don't remember much of my childhood at all, but I'm really confused on how I began to sexualize spanking at such an early age and blame it on my parents making me strip naked waist down and my temperament maybe? I know it's a common way people do it but it left me humiliated and highly self conscious. I now switch from feeling like I need to cover up, even with clothes on I feel like everyone's starting at me and my bum, etc. And then go into a mode where I don't care and show everything. Also i was wondering if this happens to you as well but I get frequent triggers. For example I'll hear someone clap, my mate takes his belt off at the end of the day, if I'm watching the TV and a parent gets angry at a kid in a closed room, etc. They all make me fight, flight, or freeze. Since my mates discussion I have thought about just throwing in the towel and self harming to release the pain and shame. I shouldn't be upset if society says they turned out fine then there must be something wrong with me, I did deserve it... It might not be PTSD but I know I'm definitely triggered and I want to know why exactly. Also thinking about it has made me depressed and angry, and have blown up over little things with my mate just for an excuse to get my anger out which I'm not proud of. ...anyways, thank you for your response it is nice to be able to have someone to relate to, and what you said about out parents not doing it right makes alot of sense as to why I reenacted it alot as a kid and not just on myself but on my siblings as well (we'd play spanking "games" all the time haha) also I drew pictures of people getting spanked too, but oddly was embarrassed enough to ripped the pages to shreds when I was done. I'm going to therapy next week so maybe I'll have the courage to address some of this. I just want to be done with it all. I'll be happy when they ban CP all together.

I made a throwaway account just to respond to this. I feel your pain. My mom had bpd among other mental...
I should also add that your post is a reason why I didn't give in and self harm. Its nice to not feel completely alone in this.
 
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