When someone thinks they have cptsd from being spanked as a child…

The momster that not only broke shit over my ass but also punched me, psychologically tortured, verbally abused me and worse would probably gloat at this.
This isn’t a spanking. This is abuse! A spanking as it was meant to be used is akin to a seat on the bottom. I don’t condone spanking at all. However it isn’t life and death and therefore does not fit the criteria for PTSD. This is why I said that they either are using PTSD colloquially or they are mistaking PTSD for a beating. Breaking something over your butt is NOT a spanking, it’s a beating. Where I’m from in the US parents are allowed to spank. But it’s defined as a hand not a tool (weapon). I’m not saying a spanking won’t lead to trauma it can and often does. I’m saying it doesn’t lead to PTSD.

When a kid comes to me with it it is very often not the act of a spanking that is terrorizing them. It’s either that the act is a beating or it’s accompanied by screaming and yelling and just plain bad parenting. Swatting your toddler who goes away giggling is a spanking. Having a parent mercilessly whip you isn’t.
 
This isn’t a spanking. This is abuse! A spanking as it was meant to be used is akin to a seat on the bottom. I don’t condone spanking at all. However it isn’t life and death and therefore does not fit the criteria for PTSD. This is why I said that they either are using PTSD colloquially or they are mistaking PTSD for a beating. Breaking something over your butt is NOT a spanking, it’s a beating. Where I’m from in the US parents are allowed to spank. But it’s defined as a hand not a tool (weapon). I’m not saying a spanking won’t lead to trauma it can and often does. I’m saying it doesn’t lead to PTSD.

When a kid comes to me with it it is very often not the act of a spanking that is terrorizing them. It’s either that the act is a beating or it’s accompanied by screaming and yelling and just plain bad parenting. Swatting your toddler who goes away giggling is a spanking. Having a parent mercilessly whip you isn’t.
For me, corporal punishment is abuse carte blanche. Maybe I wouldn’t be as fked up if you “all I was was spanked” but I doubt it and I’ll never know. Ps I saw kids get literally whipped with power cords when I was a kid. Gen X trauma runs deep. Mostly I think we were programmed to keep our mouths shut but I’m glad for the Internet where I can speak my truth and so can everyone else.
 
I wouldn't have said that I had cPTSD, but when I started to deal with trauma besides the car accident by talking about my experience being "spanked" as a child. I called it spanking because that's what the adults in my life called it. It was much worse than that. I only talked about it with my therapist. I would never have talked about it with anyone else though. I think it would be very strange to be on a date and talk about trauma at all. That's just me though.
 
circumstances are everything. the beatings were rough but you can get to a point where the pain is just a distraction on the way to being done and left alone. if the spanking is all about the pain and that's where it starts and ends, yeah, maybe its JUST a spanking. But if it is just a stop on the long and wide road of real no questions physical and mental abuse then maybe it is the only event that a victim can verbalize to someone with any hope of establishing some common ground.
was i spanked? yep, beaten even. Would i say it could have contributed to cptsd or my diagnosis of ptsd? Only because it is one thing, one word, that most people can maybe relate to. Want to try to understand the other shit that happened? I dont want to try to convey it, even people who are trained to understand dont easily grasp it, i have been grappling with the width and length of it my whole adult life and i dont see all of it clearly.
I was spanked, beaten even. 5 words and we are most of the way to as far as we get to you understanding where i am. The rest is going to take a lot more words but i am just not into the effort most of the time, we cool? I was spanked, beaten even. Circumstances? How long you got?
 
I wouldn't have said that I had cPTSD, but when I started to deal with trauma besides the car accident by talking about my experience being "spanked" as a child. I called it spanking because that's what the adults in my life called it. It was much worse than that. I only talked about it with my therapist. I would never have talked about it with anyone else though. I think it would be very strange to be on a date and talk about trauma at all. That's just me though.
I saw my best friend get hit by a car when I was a kid. It still, a very long time later, plays in my head like a macabre movie when I’m near an intersection with my *own* kids, especially. Like a flash of fear from afar. A jolt.

But, they say, kids can’t get PTSD lol whatever.
 
The momster that not only broke shit over my ass but also punched me, psychologically tortured, verbally abused me and worse would probably gloat at this. I suffer DAILY from her systemic torture for damn near two decades.
That’s not spanking, the same way that locking a kid in a basement/closet/trunk without food/water/warmth/light is not time out, and oral rape isn’t a good night kiss.

Abusers often call their abuse by normal names, so when their kid is crying to their teacher/friends/responsible adults/etc. about how they hate being “kissed goodnight”, or “being sent on timeout”, or being “spanked”; they’re given bad advice, AND the abuser is kept double safe, first by not being outed, and second by trusted people being on the abusers “side” further isolating the child with that bad advice, unintentionally gaslighting them.

That’s the LANGUAGE issue that comes up soooooo much in DV. Both with childhood abuse and spousal abuse. When something horrific is given a normal name? People understand that what’s being talked about / experienced is normal, instead of understanding the horrific reality.
 
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That’s not spanking, the same way that locking a kid in a basement/closet/trunk without food/water/warmth/light is not time out, and oral rape isn’t a good night kiss.

Abusers often call their abuse by normal names, so when their kid is crying to their teacher/friends/responsible adults/etc. about how they hate being “kissed goodnight”, or “being sent on timeout”, or being “spanked”; they’re given bad advice, AND the abuser is kept double safe, first by not being outed, and second by trusted people being on the abusers “side” further isolating the child with that bad advice, unintentionally gaslighting them.

That’s the LANGUAGE issue that comes up soooooo much in DV. Both with childhood abuse and spousal abuse. When something horrific is given a normal name? People understand that what’s being talked about / experienced is normal, instead of understanding the horrific reality.
You are so right and it is infuriating how skilled they are at manipulating the whole thing.
 
I have heard a trauma expert talk about how children may see spanking(the adult is bigger, towering over the child, terrifying and imposing figure) essentially they are quite an imposing, scary image of a person(this is largely out of the control of the child) and they are charged with keeping the child safe(yet show them what registers as "when we are upset we hit").

When it is done seperate of discussion where the child is helped to problem solve(not just in a control based manner) but one that helps the child fully understand how they may move forward with the root issue behind the slip up, it doesn't actually count as discipline(effective discipline helps work through root issues not just behavior in a meaningful way).

If we just expect obedience, and cut those parts out then we as
adults are not then helping them develop their critical thinking/logic(which comes from those problem solving talks as well).
As well as rremoving the bonding component of authenticity, vs control(control and authenticity are opposites).

Not to mention we don't know if they mean, spanking or abuse(the distinction is unclear there as well)- in the sense that their parents may be calling it spanking, it could cross over into abuse or what reads as abuse(if someone is stomping around angrily, doing so while angry, and having angry/aggressive body language), their way of treating the house when they go to do this or when upset, their motive, body language, how hard/much(self control), if objects were used.(etc). If their parents had a condition that has unique expressions of anger, like a rage disorder, substance use, unmanaged bipolar(bipolar rage), ASPD, projecting traumas unto the child during these times(just some examples).

Consider that you don't know what you don't know and they don't choose what they may have percieved subconciously.

I am not judging people who spank, but parents excusing certain things, by **calling it spanking**, wouldn't new, I'm afraid and there are distinctions that *can make it harmful*, and there's a line to toe(so if someone isn't meeting the developmental needs of the child, skipping important components, going about it when they themselves are dysregulated, then the fact that it *can be terrifying to a child*, comes into play(led alone the additional factors that could be present).
 
Going back to the original question, I would probably have a mixed response. It would also depend on how well I knew the person. Because I remember how much I minimized, and did not understand my own abuse, I know that people can say something that seems normal or minor when what they really experienced was something much worse. Unless I had reason to believe the person was prone to trying to get sympathy/attention/etc, I would operate under the assumption I don't know their experience. If it was someone I cared about, I'd probably ask questions to try to understand better.

Having said all that, a part of me would probably be ... hmm... not sure what the right word is. I guess guarded might be term. Because if the person is prone to seeking out diagnosis for their gain, they aren't someone I want to be around.
 

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