Chat, check-in, and hang out

Complex Lulu

New Here
Yes ofcourse, still want to talk:)
Whats happening that you're feeling this way? Whats bothering you?
I have no idea tbh. It just feels like I'm slowly diving into insanity. Don't know why I'm constantly triggered, but am dreading nights lately as I've had bad attacks with delusion someone is in my house about to attack me. Can't consult that with my therapist at the moment as the country I'm in is in lockdown. Therapists only can contact you trough zoom calls and both me and my therapist thought it'd be a bad idea in my case not to talk face to face. I guess just lockdown, homesickness (as I live abroad) and constant axiety whenever my partnes is home is really making my cPTSD so much worse.

How are you keeping lately?
 

PTSDisaster

Confident
I have no idea tbh. It just feels like I'm slowly diving into insanity. Don't know why I'm constantly triggered, but am dreading nights lately as I've had bad attacks with delusion someone is in my house about to attack me. Can't consult that with my therapist at the moment as the country I'm in is in lockdown. Therapists only can contact you trough zoom calls and both me and my therapist thought it'd be a bad idea in my case not to talk face to face. I guess just lockdown, homesickness (as I live abroad) and constant axiety whenever my partnes is home is really making my cPTSD so much worse.

How are you keeping lately?
I'm so sorry to hear that:( Do you have trauma's where someone attacked you or? Where do you live and where did you live before moving in with your partner? I'm from The Netherlands and moved to Belgium where I've met my boyfriend.
What gives you anxiety when your partner is home? My anxiety when he's home is mostly being afraid he's going to cheat on me or watching porn is also one of my big anxiety's.
Do you have good support from your family or friends, do you call with them and tell them how you're feeling lately?

I hope today is a better day for you, so sorry this is happening to you.. Hold on<3
 

Complex Lulu

New Here
I'm so sorry to hear that:( Do you have trauma's where someone attacked you or? Where do you live and where did you live before moving in with your partner? I'm from The Netherlands and moved to Belgium where I've met my boyfriend.
What gives you anxiety when your partner is home? My anxiety when he's home is mostly being afraid he's going to cheat on me or watching porn is also one of my big anxiety's.
Do you have good support from your family or friends, do you call with them and tell them how you're feeling lately?

I hope today is a better day for you, so sorry this is happening to you.. Hold on<3
I don't think I do... If I did had an incident of being attacked then I lost any memory of that. But then my mother could be sometimes quite abusive physically. For example once when I was around 7 years old and practicing diving in the bath tup at some point when I took my head from underwater, did not had enough time to catch a breath, when she shoved my head back underwater and held it for good couple of second while I was slamming my hands on the wall trying to get out. Or once aroung 9 years old I got my freshly washed white sock dirty while playing outside. She got furious, start shoving me, screaming, punching me and when I fell down on the ground she grabbed me by my chin and forced the dirty sock down my mouth...she only stopped when I peed myself out of fear. But then that's a woman, not a man "attacking".

I moved from Chech to Ireland. Moved to try to be with my partner and see if we can make things work.

Also I don't know to this day what is causing me to feel so anxious whenever he's home. It's just like someone would drop a ton of weight on my shoulders once I hear him opening the door and I start to get really tired. Takes me about 30mins to get used to his presence. I start to feel really heavy and nauseas. But then my attachment style is dismissive avoidant with traits of preoccupied once triggered... I just really don't want to be together anymore... To be fair I never wanted to be in a relationship, so don't ask me how I ended up in one. I just hate every bit of it. But I can't move out as well as I don't know if I really want to break up or am just getting triggered and want to run.

What would be your attachment style and how long have you been with your partner?
 

PTSDisaster

Confident
I don't think I do... If I did had an incident of being attacked then I lost any memory of that. But then my mother could be sometimes quite abusive physically. For example once when I was around 7 years old and practicing diving in the bath tup at some point when I took my head from underwater, did not had enough time to catch a breath, when she shoved my head back underwater and held it for good couple of second while I was slamming my hands on the wall trying to get out. Or once aroung 9 years old I got my freshly washed white sock dirty while playing outside. She got furious, start shoving me, screaming, punching me and when I fell down on the ground she grabbed me by my chin and forced the dirty sock down my mouth...she only stopped when I peed myself out of fear. But then that's a woman, not a man "attacking".

I moved from Chech to Ireland. Moved to try to be with my partner and see if we can make things work.

Also I don't know to this day what is causing me to feel so anxious whenever he's home. It's just like someone would drop a ton of weight on my shoulders once I hear him opening the door and I start to get really tired. Takes me about 30mins to get used to his presence. I start to feel really heavy and nauseas. But then my attachment style is dismissive avoidant with traits of preoccupied once triggered... I just really don't want to be together anymore... To be fair I never wanted to be in a relationship, so don't ask me how I ended up in one. I just hate every bit of it. But I can't move out as well as I don't know if I really want to break up or am just getting triggered and want to run.

What would be your attachment style and how long have you been with your partner?
Wow that sounds awful.. Are you still talking with your mom or not anymore?

Are there specific ways to calm down for you? I'm trying modelling clay right now. Maybe stay busy when he comes home with something like clay or painting or whatever will keep you a bit more relaxed and ask him to wait 30 mins before you 'meet' eachother?

Pff I really have no clue what my attachment style is.. Every view I had in life has changed.
We're together 1,5 year now, my ptsd started getting worse within 2-3 months. I was very ambitious but now I'm home for over a year, stopped studying and working for school. I threw up every day because of the stress. Now I only have to throw up if I have to go somewhere outside the house or when I get paranoid so it's getting a bit better.
 

Complex Lulu

New Here
Wow that sounds awful.. Are you still talking with your mom or not anymore?

Are there specific ways to calm down for you? I'm trying modelling clay right now. Maybe stay busy when he comes home with something like clay or painting or whatever will keep you a bit more relaxed and ask him to wait 30 mins before you 'meet' eachother?

Pff I really have no clue what my attachment style is.. Every view I had in life has changed.
We're together 1,5 year now, my ptsd started getting worse within 2-3 months. I was very ambitious but now I'm home for over a year, stopped studying and working for school. I threw up every day because of the stress. Now I only have to throw up if I have to go somewhere outside the house or when I get paranoid so it's getting a bit better.
Yes. We got better relationship now. Before it was bad. I absolutely hated her and she was ashamed to have me as a daughter.

There's none aside from him taking me away for a spin in a car. Then his attention is not directed at me, but the road, I get to feel more invisible and it sooth me down in aboit 10min or so, but also I don't want him to go driving with me all the time. And staying away till I calm down doesn't work. It only prolongs stress. I can't really stay busy in a house, bause living room, kitchen and garden (the only places there's always something to be done) are all on the ground floor in the house we live in. It makes me fell exposed and like I'm about to get attacked. 😩 Sometimes I take xanax, but it's effect doesn't last long.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Did you try to talk to your doctor about it? I know using medicine is a lot of the times treating symptom without fixing the actual problem, but after all no one shpuld be under this much stress. Also if you don' t mind me asking. Could you share in what ways the abuse from your father impacted your relationships with opposite sex? Sorry if it's asking for too much
 
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