Checking Out At Therapy.

[7Cs]

Real quick because I've got to go!

I missed about 5 minutes of T talking today. I could see her talking but none of it registered. Before this kind of thing happens I usually laugh a little and smile (involuntarily) and then it's like my brain checks out but I can still see and hear. I did tell her about it and she said she would break down the information into smaller chunks since it was obviously important enough for me to "check out" like I did.

This seems a little different than my usual style of dissociating (derealization/ depersonalization) and it doesn't happen often.

I don't understand the weird smile and laugh right before.... nervousness?.

Just want to talk about this with others who might experience similar symptoms.


B back soon. :)

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Happens to me all the time. In fact, noticing the lost time is often more unusual than losing the time itself. Laughing/joking/pretending - all a defense of mine to try to notet anyone catch onto what is happening.

 

[Sideways]

Sometimes (ok, a lot of the time) I check out in therapy because my brain is simply at capacity- mental or emotional. And smiling, awkward laughter, stuff like that is just something I learned growing up when my brain stops listening. Polite alternative to saying "you may as well shut the f***up because none of this is going in". Auto-pilot. Like when I was in high school sitting through a double maths- at some point the brain says "I need a break", and it just stops registering input.

This is quite seperate to me dissociating. One doc that I saw for nearly 5 years used to admit openly that if he had anything really really important to tell me, he'd make sure he said it in the first 15 minutes, and he never bothered taking an appointment over 40 minutes because he knew it just wasn't registering beyond that.

And then sometimes I dissociate, which makes it confusing:confused:

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@Ragdoll Circus thank you for this. Sometimes, I don't know the difference between the two. I also dissociate to various degrees and that makes it really confusing, too ... What is pure disaociation and what is just a version of a dissociayive process? And what is it when "I" have left and another version of me has taken over?

So maybe it doesn't matter, per say, what we call it: point is, we check out and things stop registering. Maybe the question for you, @7Cs, isn't about what it is, but how to get around it.

 

[Mallaky]

I have been told I can seem really happy, like for example super stoned or happy drunk, when I dissociate in a uncomfortable environment. Maybe something similar for you going on? Putting on a happy face, clown if you will, was a coping mechanism all through school for me, I suspect thats connected.

 

[7Cs]

I'll be sure to bring it up next week but I'm worried about what she'll say.

 

[7Cs]

Another day at therapy, same topic, same response.
It took a few minutes but I WAS able to ground myself! It was very difficult since I've never tried it with that particular form of dissociation. It always starts with the big (almost) uncontrollable)smile and giggling. Not that it happens often, only when it's a subject that is too hard for whatever reason to face. This particular subject has to do with my parents and my way of thinking about something that has to do with them but I don't really know what because I start cutting out each time she starts talking about it.

T says that there is fragmentation and "parts" kid, teen, mom.... I know I don't have any fully formed alters but I do think the theory of structural dissociation makes sense.