You don't come off as argumentative. You come off as someone who's working their way through a complex problem.And I don't mean to come off argumentative. I'm sorry.
This is important. It isn't necessarily fatal to the relationship - trust can be rebuilt. Maybe it would be helpful for you to work through rebuilding trust with her and having the experience of someone letting you down, but ultimately coming through for you. Maybe not. Only you can decide what you need.But right now, I've lost trust.
Not at all - like I said, you seem to be working through the problem. Identifying the issues, how you feel about them, whether you can salvage this relationship or not.And maybe that's wrong and I'm being stupid and just need to suck it up.
It is your T's responsibility to set boundaries, to dump her own issues by getting her own support, to get supervision or counsel from other T's in the trauma field. If the trauma BSDM stuff was in the past, and it's not an issue you are dealing with currently, sounds like her issue. Her saying "traumatized" by that.....did she mean she had had her own personal issues with it.....and your talking about it traumatized her or retraumatized her.Yesterday I had the psych nurse appointment. That went well. Then talked to T. Not in a good place today. Don't know how much of that is PTSD stuff since it's my triggery time, how much is just being drained from the appointments yesterday and how much is from the conversation with T.
At first we really couldn't talk. is how we get when we we really upset with someone. T did a lot of talking. Do understand better where she was coming from. A big thing is she didn't get (or lost) several emails from us. So she wasn't getting all the information. And she said some good stuff about relationships and communication. So, there was good stuff.
The stuff we found not so good. She kept talking about the harmful, past bdsm stuff. She said she was still stuck on that. she went on to say she'd been traumatized by that. And how that sometimes happens to trauma therapists and they were supposed to keep there stuff out of the relationship but all of them didn't succeed at that sometimes. umm... ok?
she said she was feeling maternal and protective. really can't deal with that. I mean, ok, we got mom issues and so maybe we freaking out about it more than we should. but... we get setting boundaries. if she needs to set boundaries on the kink stuff or whatever that's fine. even if we don't agree with the boundaries, we'd know where we stand. we'd be able to adapt. But maternal? that just leaves us feeling distrustful.
and... I guess... we not sure she understands just how hurtful it was for us. maybe she does. she did acknowledge it in an email. maybe we needed to hear her say it.
Or maybe we are just wrong and relationship misunderstandings happen, like she said, and this is a great opportunity to work on dealing with relationships. maybe we overreacting to everything and just need to be fine. we really good at being fine.
Because this isn't a W v's T situation, yeah? It's a "what do I need to move towards my goals" situation...
So, you've mentioned there has been other stuff. You don't need to write about it, but perhaps there's some room for being more honest with yourself about how things are for you right now?