Not sure- therapy relationship concerns (again)

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
So, possible T lives across the mountains. On the drive there a small boulder rolled off the mountain and hit my car. It was a super dangerous situation and I don't know how I didn't crash. It was narrow roadway and there was an oncoming car and a car close behind me and my tire blew when the boulder hit. There was no cell service so I changed to the spare and got down out of the pass to a place I had cell service. I had given myself almost 3 hours to get there, even though it was a 2 hour drive. By the time I got there it was less than 10 minutes before my session. So I called her and she answered. (I expected voicemail). I told her what happened and said I was willing to do a virtual appointment there on the side of the road. She was ok with that.

We spent a bit of time talking about what had just happened and if I was ok. Then we got into it. I liked her and she does seem to have a good understanding of DID and trauma. She asked me my goals for therapy which is always a hard question for me. She talked about her approach to DID and therapy. Then she asked me a few questions about my trauma. Even though we just gently touched on things it was hard. She said she uses cognitive processing therapy which sounds scary. She likes that we write things out and communicate with each other. She volunteered that she has a sliding scale. We agreed to give it a try and I have an intake on Sunday. She asked me to have my parts write what we think about starting therapy with her. At least i think that's what she said. I sent an email and asked her to clarify. And she asked me to send a text when I got home, which was sweet. I don't think she believed my "I'm fine and will handle it" approach. heh.

that same day we got a text from now T (old t?) saying she had a cancellation for friday and did we want it. And having that come when we were about to meet with possible T was super confusing and we feel guilty. And we sent a terse reply to her and said "no thank you" and didn't say anything about meeting a possible new t or ending with her. And she sent back an email last night, after we went to bed, asking if everything is ok. and we don't know what the f*ck to sya. And we aren't ready to say we are ending things because what if things don't work with new T but maybe that's shitty and bad and yeah, we pretty spinny right now.
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
Email to t (I guess I should call her old T?). have NOT sent this.

Hi,

sorry my last email was so terse. I'd just gotten into a minor accident. A boulder rolled into my car. I'm not hurt or anything. I know I put myself on the waitlist and I appreciate that you let me know a space opened up. I said "no" because I need some time to decide what to do about us. As I said a while ago, I'm still struggling with our relationship and it's not just because of W. And I've been trying really hard to be ok with things but there's too many things I can't let go of. I already felt guilty for what you're not charging me and then you told me how much you could have made and it just settled the guilt in deeper. And I haven't brought that up because there's just no good way of fixing that. The email you sent where you were freaked out and said you couldn't help us. And we talked that out a lot and I really appreciate that but it still is lodged inside. And we know you have had lots going on and are glad you are doing better. You are super busy though and we feel like maybe it would be better for both of us if I stepped away and used other supports. We aren't ready to say goodbye forever, we can't imagine not having you in our life. You've helped us so much and been so generous and smart and helpful. We don't want to be a problem or feel like a problem. But maybe we need to say goodbye for right now. We are just holding on to too much stuff in our relationship with you. And the idea of telling you all this feels like I'm betraying you which isn't what I want. I don't want to hurt you or disappoint you. Even though you've told me over and over it's ok to disappoint people. I know you will have stuff to say about this and that we will need to talk about it. I'm sorry.
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
I went to reread the email to decide if it was ok to send and I got all tangled up. What if I'm making a terrible mistake? Is the email to accusing?
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
For what it's worth, I don't think it is accusing in the slightest. Not one tiny tiny bit.
You're expressing yourself. Which is entirely reasonable to do.
You always say such beautiful and insightful things to me and others on this forum. And I wonder if someone else wrote that email and then wrote that they wondered if it was accusing , what you would say to them?
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
thank you. I think I needed someone outside my head to say that. And then I'm mad at myself for needing outside validation but that's a human thing, right?

I edited it a bit and sent it. I guess the best case scenario is the door is open in case I want to go back? I'm just scared because no other T is interested in working with me and what if it doesn't work out with new T? Is it fair to want that option? I'm going to be stressed out until I get a response... well... and stressed out until I do my intake with new T.
 

Friday

Moderator
Is the email too accusing?
Let’s break it down?

***

sorry my last email was so terse. I'd just gotten into a minor accident. A boulder rolled into my car. I'm not hurt or anything.
Apology & explanation
Reassurance


I know I put myself on the waitlist and I appreciate that you let me know a space opened up. I said "no" because I need some time to decide what to do about us.
To the business at hand.
Gratitude & explanation


As I said a while ago, I'm still struggling with our relationship and it's not just because of W. And I've been trying really hard to be ok with things but there's too many things I can't let go of.
  • I already felt guilty for what you're not charging me and then you told me how much you could have made and it just settled the guilt in deeper. And I haven't brought that up because there's just no good way of fixing that.
  • The email you sent where you were freaked out and said you couldn't help us. And we talked that out a lot and I really appreciate that but it still is lodged inside.
  • And we know you have had lots going on and are glad you are doing better. You are super busy though and we feel like maybe it would be better for both of us if I stepped away and used other supports
Explanation Expanded


We aren't ready to say goodbye forever, we can't imagine not having you in our life. You've helped us so much and been so generous and smart and helpful.
Self Assessment
Solution + Leaving the door open
Gratitude & Reassurance
Kindness & Compliments


We don't want to be a problem or feel like a problem. But maybe we need to say goodbye for right now. We are just holding on to too much stuff in our relationship with you. And the idea of telling you all this feels like I'm betraying you which isn't what I want. I don't want to hurt you or disappoint you. Even though you've told me over and over it's ok to disappoint people. I know you will have stuff to say about this and that we will need to talk about it. I'm sorry.
Solution Expanded
Fear
Fear
Fear
Respect
Apology

****
Nope! Not only not a single accusatory expression or implication.... but you’ve bent over backwards to do the exact opposite... being honest, responsible, respectful, & kind.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
thank you. I think I needed someone outside my head to say that. And then I'm mad at myself for needing outside validation but that's a human thing, right?

I edited it a bit and sent it. I guess the best case scenario is the door is open in case I want to go back? I'm just scared because no other T is interested in working with me and what if it doesn't work out with new T? Is it fair to want that option? I'm going to be stressed out until I get a response... well... and stressed out until I do my intake with new T.
I get the external validation and I think it is human. Whilst we're all working to be able to validate ourselves, we also are social animals and it's always helpful to mull things over with others.

Hope the stress about waiting for a response and waiting to speak with new T is manageable.
 
Top