Not sure- therapy relationship concerns (again)

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
Well, to put a positive spin on your therapy issue....I think there are times in our life where we need to step back and learn from something that might not have gone down the way you think.....she heard you weren't happy with your relationship.....I got the impression that attempts to work it out wasn't to your satisfaction................you now have all the options you need. You have the option to interview other therapists and give any one you want a one time try (I have given T's a 4 session try....and I know by the 4th session if we are a good fit)...it's enough time to examine their qualifications and therapy styles. You have the option to do some home therapy reading and journaling. You have lots of options regarding what you do with this outcome......all with the knowledge that she didn't pull the plug. You can look at this positively, ......and document how well you will manage from week to week without weekly therapy, and what issues you are struggling with....if any. It could give you time to think about what you'd like to accomplish next in life, with health, work, home lie, and maybe give you time to step back from trauma processing, work on your health, and pick up a new hobby and just have some fun time for you! Breaks can be healthy if you spin it in a positive manner.
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
We did it. It took a bit, but we finally replied to T. We told her that some insiders were freaked out and worried. That some thought maybe she didn't have time for us anymore. But then we said we understand that she's offering us support and time to recovery and we really appreciated it. And it would be nice not to push all the time. And we thanked her for that


. But this time, your T has decided that you have the coping skills and support necessary to get through this. Without needing extra therapy support.

huh, hadn't read it that way at all. Thank you. Had to think on this a bit

seems like people are seeing stuff in us we aren't seeing in our self right now

They're stressors. Even good stuff? Can be a stressor.

had forgotten this. Good reminder

I think what you're describing is it feels like a rupture (which is not discounting of all your progress).
yes. I guess it does. we just tried to read through the email with a calmer mind and she's being very clear that she's not cutting us off and is there if we feel we need to see her or want to email. So it's probably not this. we probably just very tangled up.

.....you now have all the options you need.

..all with the knowledge that she didn't pull the plug.

I think you are right. We are having a really hard time feeling this, but having processed a bit more we can acknowledge we are probably getting exactly what we need at this moment.
 

Rumors

MyPTSD Pro
Am I the only one here thinking that this relationship with your therapist shouldn't be the focus of therapy??? I mean you should be able to come to therapy and "do the work" without feeling like you have to fix your relationship with your therapist before you take your break or it could be the end of your relationship.... that shouldn't be at the heart of your therapeutic work... She should be helping you to set goals and creating a space that feels safe where you can come unload the things that need to be worked on. *She* shouldn't be the work... my opinion only..... I hope you are doing ok.
 
Am I the only one here thinking that this relationship with your therapist shouldn't be the focus of therapy??? I mean you should be able to come to therapy and "do the work" without feeling like you have to fix your relationship with your therapist before you take your break or it could be the end of your relationship.... that shouldn't be at the heart of your therapeutic work... She should be helping you to set goals and creating a space that feels safe where you can come unload the things that need to be worked on. *She* shouldn't be the work... my opinion only..... I hope you are doing ok.
I don't think this is technically true.

As far as I'm aware, normal talk therapy is considered to be approx. 50% about the relationship between the patient and the therapist.

It's not like they're just some service provider... they're not a waitress bringing you a burger or a mechanic fixing your car - where the functional aspect should be 95% of the transaction.

If therapy turns into more than 50% being about the relationship between patient and therapist, so there's not room left to do the actual therapy work itself, that would be a problem.

Having said that, obviously therapists and patients have and prefer different styles. Some therapists don't provide much "relationship" in the therapy and some patients don't want/seek that either.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
I don't think this is technically true.

As far as I'm aware, normal talk therapy is considered to be approx. 50% about the relationship between the patient and the therapist.

It's not like they're just some service provider... they're not a waitress bringing you a burger or a mechanic fixing your car - where the functional aspect should be 95% of the transaction.

If therapy turns into more than 50% being about the relationship between patient and therapist, so there's not room left to do the actual therapy work itself, that would be a problem.

Having said that, obviously therapists and patients have and prefer different styles. Some therapists don't provide much "relationship" in the therapy and some patients don't want/seek that either.
@Sophy (in lockdown) I agree with @Rumors ......your therapist shouldn't be the focus of your therapy concerns........

My current therapist is an experienced trauma therapist. I get a 1 hr appt. If I spent 30 min each time talking about our therapy relationship, I wouldn't have enough time to do meaningful work.....about trauma processing, learning strategies to shut down dissociation, and talk about immediate non-trauma issues. I had a bad therapist before who in a short time, would end up talking about herself, saying what she liked, or bringing in a protein shake like I drank and making a big deal about it..........and I realized that she doesn't get to take up my time, talking about herself..... I also have a good friend, and we don't spend 50% of our time talking about "the relationship." I don't know of any relationships I have that I spend 50% of the time discussing or dissecting the relationship itself....and when relationships have gotten complicated, I shut them down because I didn't want the drama.

Therapy has goals and objectives. Therapists should have clear boundaries and ethics about both your goals and using time wisely, and not wasting it; and having appointments begin and end in a timely fashion. The therapist should also be able to recall basic points about the last session, and connect that one to the current one....if there was anything that was pertinent to review. I'm not walking into the trauma therapist wanting to know a lot about who she is, because my last therapist spend a lot of our time- a lot of the time I paid her.......to talk about herself. If the therapist is spending much time talking about herself, she's not going to be able to follow the plan that she's required to write. That therapist took no notes, ignored me when it came to presenting a mental health plan, or setting goals.It's kinda like going to the doctor for a check up, and leaving without having all the work-up done. So, maybe a good conversation might better be spent reviewing your mental health plan, goals and objectives, timelines for goals, and your feelings about it...She is a medical practitioner for hire.....and she can never be your "friend" so you don't need to know but so much about your therapist except her areas of expertise, any legal suits or pending legal issues, how much she charges, and availability. Beyond that, if she's a good therapist, she will insure the therapy stays focused on your trauma work.
 

Rumors

MyPTSD Pro
@Sophy (in lockdown) if I spent 50% of my therapy appointments working on my relationship with my therapist, I wouldn't go to therapy. I have never heard anyone, even my therapist, say that half my therapy time will be spent exploring my relationship with my therapist. That means if I spend $5000 on therapy, $2500 was spent exploring that. I agree with @TruthSeeker that the therapist should have clear boundaries and help you set goals.
 
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