Childhood Childhood "spanking" that caused ptsd and sexual trauma

[Breathe]

Is that your own perception and assumption?

Is it possible it wasn't sexual in any way and he just got mad and spanked you?

I'm not trying to minimize what you went through,just trying to understand.

You are definitely minimizing me a bit. It’s not possible that he got mad and spanked me. There are so many reasons why it was sexual and wrong

 

[Jade-]

I'm sorry if you feel I am minimizing your experience.As I said earlier I was spanked as a child and I was also molested and they're not basically the same thing at all.

I don't understand how it's not possible he just got mad and spanked you.People spank all the time,unless you were inside his head you can't know his true intentions.

As far as I know spanking doesn't cause PTSD otherwise there would be many many children that have it because many people do spank children.

I feel you are minimizing those that have experienced molestation,and I find it very triggering so I will back away from this thread.

 

[Muttly]

hi, you will find that people ask a lot of questions here. That doesn't mean they are minimizing your experience. People will also challenge because part of having PTSD is having distorted thoughts. It's hard, but there's a lot that can be learned as you try to answer questions and respond to challenges. Even if it's just to disagree, and clarify, it can help you understand your experience here.

I do understand why @JadeB. was asking the questions. It feels like there is missing information. It's clear that you have made a connection between sexuality and spanking. I don't doubt there's real reasons for that. What that connection hasn't been fully explained in the post. We aren't inside your head, so what's abundantly clear to you, isn't clear to us.

For example, you talk about your mom saying that your family you don't spank like that, when she caught you with your stuffed animals. Was she just mad because it was spanking? Was it the way you were spanking? If so, what were you doing?

 

[Chris-duck]

It sounds like you're sure the babysitter abused you. I'm confused about the certainty that your dad abused you and that your mum enabled it? I say this cos you say your parents were loving and it was rare for your dad to spank you and even when he did, it didn't hurt. Why the jump from your dad rarely hitting you, him not hitting you painfully while he did, to CSA and your mum enabling?

I just feel like there's a very key piece missing? Not that you have to explain to us, but I get the confusion.

 

[Breathe]

hi, you will find that people ask a lot of questions here. That doesn't mean they are minimizing your experience. People will also challenge because part of having PTSD is having distorted thoughts. It's hard, but there's a lot that can be learned as you try to answer questions and respond to challenges. Even if it's just to disagree, and clarify, it can help you understand your experience here.

I do understand why @JadeB. was asking the questions. It feels like there is missing information. It's clear that you have made a connection between sexuality and spanking. I don't doubt there's real reasons for that. What that connection hasn't been fully explained in the post. We aren't inside your head, so what's abundantly clear to you, isn't clear to us.

For example, you talk about your mom saying that your family you don't spank like that, when she caught you with your stuffed animals. Was she just mad because it was spanking? Was it the way you were spanking? If so, what were you doing?

Thanks for clarifying. It did feel like that person was minimizing a little. But I understand why people ask questions. And when typing, sometimes it’s harder to be clear. There can be missing information. To answer your example question, I don’t know why my mom was angry. I had been hitting my stuffed animal because I was mimicking what the man did to me when he beat me. She did not know that I had been severely beaten by him. She also declared us a “no spanking household” at some point. So she saw me and told me not to hit my animal. Maybe she thought she was keeping me from exhibiting a bad behavior, but really, she was failing to see a warning sign that something had gone seriously wrong and that’s why I beat my stuffed animal. She did not think about how I could have learned that behavior if I hadn’t learned it from my parents.

 

[Breathe]

It sounds like you're sure the babysitter abused you. I'm confused about the certainty that your dad abused you and that your mum enabled it? I say this cos you say your parents were loving and it was rare for your dad to spank you and even when he did, it didn't hurt. Why the jump from your dad rarely hitting you, him not hitting you painfully while he did, to CSA and your mum enabling?

I just feel like there's a very key piece missing? Not that you have to explain to us, but I get the confusion.

Even though my dad’s spanking didn’t physically hurt, it was done in a humiliating way and it was not used as punishment for bad behavior. I had not done anything wrong. For instance, the first time with the dishes-he said “go unload the dishwasher and if I find out you didn’t do it I’m going to spank you.” So I unloaded the dishwasher. He left and came back and asked if I did it and I said yes. But he replied, “no you didn’t. You know what that means.” And he spanked me. Then he checked the dishes and realized I had done them. His solution for an apology was to spank me again. He insisted that he needed to do it because it was the only logical way to take back the first spanking. It was abuse because he really just wanted to spank me. It wasn’t about whether I did the chore. With the highway spanking, he was feeling irritated because we had all been in a car together for 9 hours and one of us said something that got on his nerves and he said “that’s it pull over I’m going to spank you two.” But again, we hadn’t actually done anything wrong. He made the spanking embarrassing by asking us to get out of the car and expose our bare bottoms to the highway and count our slaps. We were to embarrassed to get out so he counted our slaps out loud and he had to slap each cheek to make one spanking. He did it because he was frustrated, not because we had been actually misbehaving. And he made it humiliating with the counting and double slaps.

 

[Jade-]

One last question before I go,were you diagnosed with PTSD by a professional @Breathe ?

 

[Breathe]

One last question before I go,were you diagnosed with PTSD by a professional @Breathe ?

I’m truly sorry if you also felt that I was minimizing your experience. I certainly didn’t intend to. I got heated because it felt like a lot of questions that I already know the answers to even if you do not. And that wasn’t your fault. But I am 100 percent sure that man didn’t just get angry and spank me. He had been told by my parents not to spank, for one. I know from that experience that he enjoyed what he was doing and he waited for an opportunity to do something. Also, he didn’t just spank me. He relentlessly beat me for several minutes while I screamed and cried and begged him to stop. It hurt like nothing I’ve ever felt before and I wasn’t the same afterward. He had this weird tone in his voice and I know that he found it arousing because of the way he did it. And it also ended up sexually arousing me. That spanking definitely caused my ptsd. I don’t want to make you feel minimized, just explaining better what happened. There’s no way at all it could have been considered a harmless spanking. As far as the molestation stuff, I am considering it a form of molestation because it brought on unwanted sexual feelings and because the way he did it felt sexual to me. Maybe the word I’m actually looking for is trauma. But molestation has always been one of the ways I’ve thought of it.

 

[Breathe]

One last question before I go,were you diagnosed with PTSD by a professional @Breathe ?

I have not been diagnosed by a professional. I have been too ashamed to really talk about it with a therapist in the past. I’m pretty sure that is what I have though. It’s distressing and affects my life. I have nightmares and recurrent reactions to triggers even in my 30’s.

 

[Jade-]

I have not been diagnosed by a professional. I have been too ashamed to really talk about it with a therapist in the past. I’m pretty sure that is what I have though. It’s distressing and affects my life. I have nightmares and recurrent reactions to triggers even in my 30’s.

That's what I assumed.

Now I will back away from this thread .

 

[Rumors]

That's what I assumed.

Now I will back away from this thread .

I'm with you....

 

[Chris-duck]

I strongly suggest getting an appropriate diagnosis, whether that be PTSD or owt else. Its really the best first step to getting appropriate treatment.

People are stepping away because from what you state about your parents it can be anything from an otherwise good parent slipping up (my fave and lovely uncle once punched me as a kid because I accidentally kicked him on the knee that he'd just had surgery on. "my uncle punched me" sounds abusive, but it wasn't. See what I'm saying?) to a horribly abusive household where you're just withholding stuff cos it's embarrassing or whatever. Understandable. But it's really hard to judge from the info given. Especially since your parents seemed to back you up from a babysitter spanking you?

I dunno. My best advice, get a diagnosis. Don't get caught up in one potential diagnosis without pro input. That's misleading at best and outright harmful to yourself at worst.