I think you’re right that my mom wanted to let me know that spanking isn’t okay but she failed to see that there was a reason why I was violently beating my stuffed animals. In her no spanking house I had been beaten on the butt in an insidious and sexually charged way but all she saw was “my daughter is not to hit her stuffed animals.” She didn’t see “oh my, where the hell did she get that anger from. Where did she learn to place a stuffed animal over her lap and hit it with such vigor. I should be concerned that something bad has happened.”I’m reading physical abuse from the OP, but I don’t get at all how the leap is made that there was any kind of sexual component. But, physical abuse is physical abuse - and, that’s not okay.
There’s a lot of issues that I think are better worked through with a T. Why is this person creepy to you simply because he’s an older male babysitter? Being angry at your parents makes perfect sense to me (their job is to keep you safe), but your mum declaring the household ‘spank free’, telling you not to spank your toys, would suggest mum was at least trying to keep you safe from abuse, and help you understand that spanking isn’t ok.
So, a lot to work through. Let go of the “I have ptsd as a result” thing. That’s for a professional to diagnose, and it seems to me that just working through some of these issues with a specialist might resolve a lot of the mixed emotions attached to these experiences.