DID Children of parents with dissociative disorders

[bobin]

I happened across this blog and I can't even begin to describe the relief to hear others talking about this. I have looked several times over the years to find some sort of discussion about children growing up in a household with DID. I always felt like my sister and I were so alone, like we was the only ones. It was so stigmatised and not talked about. As an adult now, I am still struggling to come to terms with everything that happened in my childhood. No-one ever explained, or even seemed to be prepared to acknowledge that anything was happening, and the guilt and fear that I lived with have been at points so much to bear. All I knew was that my mother had multiple personality disorder as it was called back then, and I spent so much time and energy afraid that everything I did would make her worse. When she rejected me as not her own child, or became aggressive towards me, I took that upon myself and blamed myself, terrified that it was my actions that was making her worse. We used to hear a lot of things young children should not know about, and witness and experience terrible things. I wish my mum had said she loved us more and explained to us that it was not our fault without exposing them us too much detail about the roots and didn't close us out. I think if anyone had even started to consider how we were being affected as children, rather that just keep telling us to 'keep a brave face on for mum because she doesn't mean it and will get upset if she knows what she did' I would be a lot more secure in myself today. Having said that, we did have a lot of fun with some of the personalities.....there is definately something to be said for having a mum who at times actually enjoys playing dolls with you, and doesn't just do it out of sufferance!

 

[kers]

I am bumping this thread because it was interesting to me. Someone on my treatment team recently suggested to me that one (or both) of my parents might have been dissociating during my youth. I am having lots of mixed feelings about it, since I now have tremendous problems with dissociation. What a messed-up cycle.

 

[cindymolly]

This really helped me it is going round and round in my head whether my mum has DID/DDNOS, why does she act like she doesn't like me sometimes.

 

[ZeeMartin]

My mother is DID, and I'm looking for a place for the second-generation impacted by MPD/DID, their children, are... someplace where I can contribute what I've learned in managing the fallout from growing up with a multiple mother. Anyone know of references?

 

[Deeniereen]

I'm a 58 years old female, wife, mother, sister, daughter, neighbor, friend, Christian.......
Well, you get it lol. Look, I ran across your letter through google because, I am a mother of two daughters ages 30 and 25. I was traumatized before the age of 9. I learned within the last two years that I have DID. I now wonder looking back, what type of impact that made on our girls (my husband is a narcissist as well as, passive aggressive with anger issues from his childhood that he - just soon not think about it. He loves denial. I suggest that you examine your parents behaviors very closely; because, you can break the cycle. Just educate yourself on the subject of Dissociative Identity Disorder and Trauma. There is a Behavior Health Hospital in Denton, TX., that is designed specifically for PTSD, Trauma, and Dissociative Identity Disorder. It's the only program designed in the country as of today. Ross Institute Trauma Program University Behavioral Health, Denton, TX. I started my journey of discovery at age 40 and was not properly diagnosed until recently. I stayed the course for the good of my children and family. I empathize with you!!! It is a very frustrating disease for all involved and bears much pain at times. You do the work that you can for yourself!!!! Take that awareness (energy) and spend/invest in improving your emotional well being. I wish you much success!! Its hard work however; if you decide to ignore, remember this, "bearded feelings never die"!

 

[Dissociated1]

The references are getting a bit long in the tooth, but "Childhood Antecedents of Multiple Personality," by Dr Richard P Kluft Ph.D. and "Soul Murder: The Effects of Childhood Abuse and Deprivation" by Leonard Shengold, both discuss children of parents with dissocaitive disorders.

 

[7Cs]

While not dx'd with DID, I (of course) have PTSD and do dissociate but with no memory lapses. There have certainly been times where it seems or feels like another uncontrollable part of me "takes over" and I'm along for the ride. This was much worse early on in my dx and unfortunately the worst was when my daughter was between about 4 and 7. I hate that she was there to see so many of my "mood swings".That I couldn't protect her from seeing/ experiencing the craziness. Even when the worst was over and we had found a decent medication combination, some symptoms of course continued. I always let her know I was sorry when I had these moments and I began explaining the basics of what was going on with me when she was.about 7. Over the years I've told her some of my experiences as well. There was a time when she was having a difficult time coping with life in general (many contributing factors but I can't help but believe that having an unstable mom was a huge part of that) and I had her see a therapist for a while. She is 17 and very well adjusted and we can easily talk about it.

I asked her the other day whether or not she thought I've become "different people" at times and she said she did. I explained the idea of structural dissociation and that my T believes I have a child part, teen part and my mother part and my daughter says that she agrees and that shes seen those "personalities".

 

[cat-lady]

One or both of my parents probably has DID though I've never heard a diagnosis. It's hard to say for sure because they also both have substance abuse issues that could cause memory lapses and acting like different people. My old therapist who never met my mother suggested that she probably had something like that. I would be interested in comparing notes with other people who grew up with parents who may have had DID. They've both acted like they didn't remember abuse throughout the years but I'm not sure how much of that is willful denial. They've also both had times of acting like they were possessed. My mother once told me that she was "legion". My old therapist also suggested though that they may be acting like this to get away with stuff. I'm not sure what's going on.

 

[Dissociated1]

Although dissociation tends to be hereditary, the impact a parent with DID has on a child differs greatly depending on whether or not the child is also dissociative. The Sidran Traumatic Stress Institute has an excellent article entitled "The Effects of DID on Children of Trauma Survivors" on their website at
Link RemovedAlso see "Adult Children of Multiple Personality Disorder website at Dead Link Removed .


As a side note, my Mother was molested by one of her brothers as a young girl, and she was diagnosed as bipolar when she went to the nursing home. Looking back on her behavior as I was growing up and the things I have learned about DID since I was diagnosed, I am sure she is DID. It would explain her wild personality shifts, memory loss and dressing in men's clothes when I was a teenager, as well as her clearly dissociating whenever I try to get her to go into details about when I was sexually abused,

 

[cat-lady]

Although dissociation tends to be hereditary, the impact a parent with DID has on a child differs...

Thanks for the resources! I will look into those and see if it fits my family.

 

[Ronin]

This is interesting, thanks for sharing.

(My biological father was D.I.D., and other dissociative things. He was also batshit insane, and in parsing what was D.I.D. and what was other things with him, I can put my early childhood together better.)

 

[Professional woman]

My mother was in and out of mental health facilities most of my childhood. Luckily she recognized she had issues and place both herself and myself in therapy. I started therapy at the age of 7. I am not 42. She went even further to become a licensed therapist and is a CCMHC,NCC,LPC. She is extremely intelligent and good at what she does but she is also crazy. I am her only client and as she entire her retirement age, she has a myriad of physical health issues. It is unknown if they are due to her childhood trauma or actual health or a combination of both. The sicker she gets, the less control over her life she has and the craziness comes back. She was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder in the nineties. I did a paper on it in a writing class in college. I can name and identify four of her personalities. Sometimes I still see some of them come out in what she says in now her integrated self. She also says she is does not have it anymore. Maybe she is cured but her behavior has not completely changed and I find myself getting so angry with her. I don't dissociate. I don't normally have a temper problem but I do with her. I have unexpressed anger with her and I can't ever seem to find a place to express it properly. I don't go see therapists in the city I live in out of respect for her. While therapist and doctors say there is confidentiality, therapists are the part of the reason I have trust issues and my mother works in that field. As an attorney, I know story about other attorney from therapists that have talked about their clients. Lastly, I while I am angry with my mother, I don't want to ruin her reputation in her field of work. I started looking for other people that have experienced something similar.