Combat Ptsd Epidode And Relationship Question.

[Tj0326]

Obviously, kwan girl, it gives him no right to take out his anger/agression on her and or anyone that didn't do him harm. No one has the 'right'. However, PTSD, is the most surreal, illogical, depressing, mind bending, anger and pain ridden thing Ive ever experienced. I have two concurrent (back to back) and separate adult cases of PTSD, both akin to a soldier returning from war. You're comments have seriously reminded me of people in my life that do not understand and or do not attempt to understand what may travel through ones mind during flashbacks, ptsd episodes, or even something small that subconsciously triggers the switch to flip. The people who have true ptsd have very little to no control over their outbursts for months, sometimes years after the events, all depending on severity of course. I have dated 3 women since my diagnosis, each one of them playing mind games such as 'the no contact rule', each women pushing my mind down the ptsd rathole, and each relationship ending because I personally wasn't in the right place/mind for a relationship and they were nowhere near understanding of PTSD in general let alone me. With that being said, Becksknox, I applaud you for taking the initiative to look for advice/answers at a forum such as this. I think its simple - if you truly love or think you may love him - keep talking to him, keep the contact under both of your terms patiently ride with him and steer him when he loses control. If he truly loves or thinks he loves you, you will be rewarded with a level of love, appreciation, respect, treatment, and overall life pleasure that you may thought never existed. When you truly have a warriors deep level of trust and love, I will go as far as to assure you that you will have a love for life. If you don't feel that you truly love him or think that you may never will - politely talk to him and let him go now/very soon - it will be the best for you both in my opinion

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Becksknox , there is also nothing that forces you to reply when he texts or calls you. if you have told him that you do not want contacted, and he continues to contact you, then he is not respecting your boundary. If you set a boundary "please do not contact me, I do not want to talk today. I will not respond if you do" and he contacts you... guess what? He should know you aren't going to talk to him today. Your boundaries are just as important as his.

I second the notion that the "30 day rule" is PTSD dynamite waiting to blow up in your face :O_o:

 

[Becksknox]

@Tj0326 Thank you so much. We have always had a very loving relationship. The isolation starts in early March. Last year it lasted about 2 months. I just let him contact me as he wants bc then I'm not pressuring him but he knows I'm there. We actually went to dinner tonight and it was great. Good conversation and maybe a moment of clarity for him to be himself and feel comfortable. I hope he begins to feel better about himself and I will always be here bc I know I love him and him me. No matter how much this destroys my heart at times. Sometimes my heart breaks for him and his utter pain and sometimes for me, but I am learnimg to take care of me and not to lean on him or depend on him for everything. I have to stand on my own 2 feet or this will eat us both alive.

 

[Becksknox]

@Sweetpea76 Thank you also. A lot of times when he does I don't jump to the phone as I always have. Actually I have him on do not disturb so I don't hear when he texts. That way he knows I'm not at his beck & call. I waited 6 hours to read and reply and he must have been looking at his phone all day bc the second I did he texted right back and it was a very busy day for him. I know he needs to get thru this before he can come back to his feelings for me and I will give him that time.

 

[Tj0326]

@Tj0326 Thank you so much. We have always had a very loving relationship. The isola...

You're welcome Becksknox. That sounds great!! I understand what you are saying/doing and I hope you are able to fully lean on each other someday. From my heart, I truly wish you both the best :)

 

[Becksknox]

Thank you so Much @Tj0326. That means a lot. We've been thru a lot and as he says, we always make it thru and end up together

 

[Becksknox]

Thank you all for responding. I guess the rules of how to get your bf back simply don't work in this case and I will not play games with his head!

 

[Tj0326]

Thank you so Much @Tj0326. That means a lot. We've been thru a lot and as he says,...

You're very welcome Becksknox :)

 

[Tj0326]

Becksknox ~ finding something, anything that will allow you to step back in the middle of an ptsd moment(s), heated argument disagreement etc. and remember where you're heart is regardless will you both greatly. You have to be the one to take that lead because most times the one suffering ptsd, as you probably know, simply cannot step back at those times. You have the initiative to be here ~I know you will succeed.

 

[Becksknox]

I need to remember that. I'm usually calm and let him get it out, but if he assumes my feelings and they are wrong I get upset. I've read so much about this being wrong. He's afraid to go back to our therapist so at a good peaceful moment bc he knows I'm always there is asking him if he would be ok to be with him as support and to hold my hand if he needs it and it may help me to understand and know how to cope. I just want him to feel pushed.

 

[Tj0326]

I need to remember that. I'm usually calm and let him get it out, but if he assumes my feelings and th...

Unfortunately one that has ptsd is very prone to assume negative things, whether its conscious or subconscious, Ive done the same thing numerous times and still do. I am not saying its right to assume by any means, I am just pointing out nearly uncontrollable flaws in myself and others in terms of PTSD. It's almost natural just as its natural for you to get upset when it happens. Its also part of the reason why I see a psychologist - I want to control it again. I think it's a great idea if you go to his therapy sessions with him because it will ultimately open him up even more in terms of your relationship and you will have a better understanding of what goes on in his mind while having input directly from the therapist. I think if you preface the conversation with the fact that you don't want to push him, you want to ensure that he is comfortable, you want the best for him and also you both then you will have a better chance at achieving what's best. Everyone is different obviously, you know him best, and you will find your way of communicating it to him :)

 

[Becksknox]

@Tj0326 Thank you. Hopefully he will have a few more good days. He's supposed to come over again to,or row and I may ask him depending on his demeanor. Again, I'm learning when to ask serious questions and when to back off. We went to dinner tonight and he asked and after sent a text saying it was a good night and he wants to do it again. Maybe that would be a good time, while we are relaxed. I'm just so afraid of pressuring him or stressing hi and I don't believe it should be done over text or phone bc I can't really grasp his mood. She is a therapist to each of us and he went with me when I needed him to. Like I said. I'm just afraid of bringing it up at a bad time.
Thank you so Much for your help and insight. I also have been diagnosed with PTSD but mine is only flashbacks. I don't feel it's an accurate diagnosis after seeing the hell he lives daily.