Complaints About Others

[shimmerz]

I don't think that saying what one feels and mean are so tightly tied. I can state clearly that it is my opinion and that I respect the other's opinion and will leave my opinion with them to do what they wish with it. However, if I rant on to someone about 'this is the WAY it is!' or make derogatory remarks as to someone's character or intelligence, I honestly don't see the need for that.

There is a line between insisting that someone hear you and giving them an opportunity to hear you. Live and let live.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Wish I had a "super like" button @shimmerz!

Being mean and simply disagreeing are two very different things.

And I prefer the civil disagreements.

I hear out your opinion and weigh it and file it in my knowledge base and then research form my opinion which includes weighing yours and research.

But always respect your opinion regardless.

If that all makes sense.

 

[Ronin]

But always respect your opinion regardless.

If that all makes sense.

I think it does, 'respect the person as a person / their humanity that opinion comes from, and an experience that opinion comes from, even if not the opinion itself, and then be civil about disagreeing with the opinion, leave out the insult on character & experience out of it', kind of how I'd read what you wrote & what Shimmerz wrote.

 

[Deleted member 541]

^ This. I'd assume responsibility if I were the one hurting them / enabling the hurt (different things & scenarios in my head, tl;dr enabling I take as the same thing as abuse where more vulnerable populations are concerned.).

If that's not what's happening, then primary responsibility for care & self care is on that person. Mine is to not do whatever would compound that state that's in my powers, but I'm not a mind reader, nor wearing others' shoes.

I respect your opinion, but I fail to see where you would be responsible. Feel bad, be upset, but to feel responsible? I think we will have to agree to disagree. My actions are no one else's responsibility. JMO!!!!

 

[joeylittle]

My actions are no one else's responsibility. JMO!!!!

I agree, true - so long as the motivation was not to cause someone to harm themselves. I could just be thinking of a recent case in the US where a young woman set out to get her boyfriend to kill himself, and eventually, it worked. I do think she was partially responsible.

But, I don't think that's what you are talking about @She Cat, right? - I think you're talking in the context of communication, not with a motivation to do criminal harm. And those situations are extreme. But in the basic discourse around criticism, straight-talk, challenge: when it's intended on some level to assist the person (provide insight, shake a core belief, change a behavior), if they use it as a justification for their actions, that's on them, not me. If I start goading them, I'm an asshole - but they always have the choice to disengage.

It's one of the most important things about this site, I think. Practicing stress management using disengagement, learning what you are and are not responsible for, having your actions reflected back at you (even when they are hard to look at).

 

[Deleted member 541]

I agree, true - so long as the motivation was not to cause someone to harm themselves. I could just be thinking of a recent case in the US where a young woman set out to get her boyfriend to kill himself, and eventually, it worked. I do think she was partially responsible.

But, I don't think that's what you are talking about @She Cat, right? - I think you're talking in the context of communication, not with a motivation to do criminal harm.

Agree 100%

 

[Recovery4Me]

I went to court once concerning someone whom physically battered, assaulted me with attempted murder. His attorney asked if I felt I had provoked the party:facepalm: to which I responded," At what point does provocation warrant violence?" The woman atty hung down her head & dropped the party as an client. ;)

 

[Gs172003]

I agree, true - so long as the motivation was not to cause someone to harm themselves. I could just...

I remember that case. I agree. She was partially responsible.

 

[aut555]

I went to court once concerning someone whom physically battered, assaulted me with attempted murde...

That's pretty remarkable of you, confront your assailant, and yet not put up with legal mumble jumble from an attorney and even calling her on it. Yes!

 

[Gs172003]

There is a book that I would get if going through legal battles just so I know the legal jargon. The blacks law dictionary.

 

[Gs172003]

There is a book that I would get if going through legal battles just so I know the legal jargon. The bla...

I went to paralegal school. Ended up not making a career out of it cause I hated it but I liked what I learned but the book is updated every so often.

 

[shimmerz]

Yes,

Practicing stress management using disengagement, learning what you are and are not responsible for, having your actions reflected back at you (even when they are hard to look at).

And I also believe it works from the other side.

If one is typically abrasive, dogs another person with their opinions, insists on 'being right', and cannot withdraw from a situation where another is clearly suffering (belief systems are very hard to break and we of all people should respect that), that these things need to be pointed out as well.

It is a great lesson and victory for the target of this type of behaviour to be able to recognize it and address it themselves, but it is also important - I think - as a group to learn not to hop on the bandwagon of a person who is being insistent inappropriately.

Sometimes a sufferer's defenses are projected through aggression or not letting go of something (needing to be right). That as well is not very helpful - here or out in the world.

I think this works both ways really. Balance.