Completely Numb, Blank Mind, No Anxiety??

[Hellome]

Yes, I remember a great deal of it in detail.
Just a few questions:

What was your psych status prio...

Hi, so I had absolutely no psych issues prior to this incident. I used to drink/smoke pot occasionally with no unusual effects, drank once and smoked once since this, definitely not doing that again. I'm a 20 y/o female. I have tons of symptoms, the blank brain was especially apparent at school, and it terrified me. Now I'm home because school was literally impossible to handle with all of this. I'm obsessive over my condition, it's literally the only thing I can think about. Medical professionals are quick to diagnose me with depression; I'm not depressed, but I'm certainly mourning the way I was before all of this. I honestly feel sometimes like it is never coming back, as my symptoms can be so extreme. I have intrusive thoughts a lot about how bad things are and how they're not going to get better, which makes me panic. I feel like someone literally ripped my soul from my body, like part of me died that night. I've been to neurologists; everyone says that all of my symptoms are purely psychological and that I have no "damage", which I'm willing to accept, but I don't know how to move past this. It's like I can't connect with my deeper emotions, nothing has the meaning it once did. My brain constantly attaches strange, foreign, scary feelings to things that were once familiar and welcoming. I believe I suffer from a combination of an MDMA "long term comedown" consisting of anxiety, obsessiveness, Dp/Dr, and in psychological terms, possibly an "ego death" that seems impossible to move past. Best put, it's as if I can't get "distracted" by life anymore. And I feel stuck and completely helpless. This has lasted 2 months now.

 

[joeylittle]

Thanks for the info.

So, if you're experiencing a long-term comedown (which can happen after first-time use and a small amount - it doesn't matter), it's not uncommon for it to take from 6 months to a year to stop.

If you had any latent anxiety or depression issues, they could be exacerbated by the drug.

The recommendation is to treat the psych symptoms - so, go into therapy to deal with the depression and anxiety.

You do have depression, likely, you're describing a good number of symptoms. When depression combines with anxiety, it's not always manifest as 'sadness' or 'slowness'. But the anhedonia (nothing has meaning or enjoyment), and blunted affect (you can't feel things), and pervasive hopelessness (it won't get better) all point towards depression. Depression is also a very common after-effect of many street-grade (aka not pure) MDMA 'mixes' available.

So: you were given a diagnosis of depression, and you should treat the depression, while you are basically waiting for your brain to hopefully re-regulate itself. It takes brain cells approximately 6 months to 'heal' - they don't actually 'heal', that's not the right word, but it's the simplest way to describe it. This is why 6 months can be a bit of a magic number for anyone bouncing back from a drug after-effect.

It can get better. But it's not about anything other than treating the depression, doing cognitive work, possibly investigating anti-depressants, investing in your overall health, and not doing hard drugs again. While the reaction you had here may have been specific to the exact formulation that you took, hopefully you understand that it's not worth messing around with.

I've been to neurologists; everyone says that all of my symptoms are purely psychological and that I have no "damage", which I'm willing to accept, but I don't know how to move past this.

Medically speaking, they are right. But, the division between the psychological and the physical isn't quite as binary as 'it's not physical'. What they are telling you is that you have not sustained damage. You have, however, changed your brain. It needs support in order to re-gain functioning, and that's why you should get into basic mental health treatment. It will also give you tools to alleviate the suffering from the hopelessness, the fear, etc.

On some drug boards, you can read about people recommending 5-HTTP; it's an anti-depressant that is unregulated, and can be purchased in any vitamin/supplement store (or pharmacy or grocery store with a vita/supp area). I don't know much about it, but you could see if it helps.

 

[flyingeyeballs]

Hello -- this is literally the only thread I've found on the internet where the symptoms match mine exactly. I had severe complex-PTSD from an abusive relationship that ended in mid-2013, symptoms were strangling and basically ground my life to a halt up until May 2016 when a new partner and I started taking MDMA together. Over the first five months I probably took eight 120mg MDMA pills, either two or one at a time, always spaced out at least about six weeks, had absolutely no adverse side effects whatsoever. It cured my PTSD and freed me from all of these horrible flashbacks and anxiety attacks that had been ruining my life. I should have stopped there.

In October of 2016 I had a session with two pills mid-month, then two weeks later took another two pills. I was an idiot, and should have at least googled basic MDMA safety at some point during those months I was taking them. Anyway, in the three month since then, I've experienced anhedonia, apathy, lack of ability to concentrate, sleeping 12-16 hours a day, emotions are severely blunted. I will not take MDMA again for several years, at least; it's a beautiful drug when used responsibly and respected, and I did not respect it. I am now paying the price. I've been resting lots, working out (when I can -- my workouts have severely dropped in quality) and am taking noopept and eating well. I'm probably going to move back home soon for a few months just so I can work my way out of this hole, it's just the shittiest feeling. Right up until those last few sessions I was more clearheaded than ever, very focused, still had strong emotional clarity. Those last two just f*cked things up.

I've definitely noticed small improvements -- my emotions are coming back slowly, and I'm not flat-out suicidal like I was a couple months ago. Is anyone on this board still reading this? If so, can you let me know what your symptoms are/how long it took you to recover? The idea of being like this for a solid year is horrible to me.

 

[Kellyjane420]

Hey guys.. just came across this thread. In 17, and I'm experiencing the same thing. I don't know if it's from MDMA or X, possibly from LSD, but I have no thoughts. My head is completely empty, I feel like I'm in this constant loop of nothing. It's terrifying and I feel like it will never get better. The front part of my brain feels numb, I have lost like all concept of time. I feel nothing, and it's not like a "depression" nothing, I feel like a part of my brain responsible for motivAtion, thoughts, self drive, opinions, reactions, has been shut off or suppressed. This is an absolutely bizarre feeling. I want to care, but it's almost like I physically can't, like the ability to care has been taken away. This came on about 2-3 weeks ago, happened about 2 weeks after I did LSD (didn't have a bad trip, but I felt mentally exaughsted from it). I have done LSD MDMA and X from the span of October 2016-Jan 2017. (Not usually someone who uses drugs, just went to a couple concert and music festivals, didn't take a ton at once, just didn't really space out the time in which I did these drugs.) My memory is shit, I have no dialogue or thoughts in my head. I feel like I could walk for hours with no deistination. Like no thought would pop into my mind telling me to turn right or left, or to turn around. I have NO reactions to things. It's so f*cking weird and scary.

 

[joeylittle]

It's so f*cking weird and scary.

Yep. Drugs will do that.

I'm locking this thread; it has run its course.