(Chuckles) Maybe because it's an important one to note? ;)
I emphatize, a great deal lot... But who you were or were pushed to be, is not who you are, or will be in the future.
The decision to be different is more than past bad choices IMO.
I agree that the decision to be different is more than past bad choices...much more. In my case, I think the decision to be different, stems from my basic core personality somehow able to know that what I was living in wasn't right in some way and I retained a relatively intact value system. I was different from the dysfunctional system I came from. My differences rocked their boat, their mirage of a good life-and my being able to see what was real and open my mouth about it made me more and more different from them. From the very get-go I didn't ever feel I fit in with the dysfunctional family I came from, and on occasion, I even pointed it out (a bad co-dependent-and when you do that.....it's not endearing or supportive of their way of life).....all it got me was being the outcast-they set me apart as different......but in reality....as I think about it, in the end, I set myself as the outcast knowing that I didn't fit with the ways and beliefs in which I was brought up. In being the outcast, I used to feel different-unwanted-and woeful-just wanting to be and feel loved. Through both marriages, I did my best to keep the boat from ever rocking disillusioning myself into thinking I could fix things, and life would turn out rosey...this time....but in the end, I became the boat rocker, just like in my family of origin, and left both of those relationships....yeah....I repeated my childhood in both marriages....
Living alone, I can now, because I'm not caught up in dysfunction, see that I'm different in a good way.....a way with better values and insight and I treat myself and others more gently, am more flexible and accepting, and there are no implicit or explicit rules living alone, and no external criticism except what I tell myself.....This allows me to be really okay with being different...because different can be good......it
is really good....different can have a positive connotation........and in believing this way, it allows me to let go of the shame I carried for being different for so very long for not fitting in, not being accepted, or not feeling a belonging to my dysfunctional family of origin. Now, 'm glad I'm not like them.....and have only one regret......I wish I could have known what it would have been like to grow up feeling loved by my family......then I remind myself.....I have friends who love me now....can't live in the past.
Back to thread:
Past Core Belief: Being different is bad, it means I'm doing something wrong.
Counter: Being different is a wonderful feeling, knowing I'm not like the people who raised me and hurt me.
Counter: Different has two different connotations, one positive and one negative, and I choose to see myself as different in a positive light.
Counter: It's quite okay to be different!
Counter: Maybe different is ultimately better.
