Laura Leonard
New Here
Hello all,
I've been mulling around on the PTSD forum for a little while now, and it's been extremely informative. What I'm looking for now, I guess, is understanding. But aren't we all?
I was fairly brief in my introduction on the other forum, so I'm going to include a little more detail since this site is focused on sexual abuse, rather than just general PTSD or CPTSD.
So, my background: when I was fourteen I was introduced to a boy who seemed like he needed to be reached out to. So I did. Apparently already at fourteen, I was a rescuer :rolleyes:. Uuuuunfortunately, at eighteen, he was already a manipulative and intelligent user. He recognized me as an ideal target, and proceeded over the next couple of months to lure me into his crazy world.
He got me to trust him, and one day he presented me with the seemingly hypothetical situation of, "What would you do, as a virgin, if someone was going to hurt a person you cared about if you wouldn't have sex with them?" I'll admit, that's a pretty giant red flag. What's worse is that there was an even bigger one immediately following. He completely changed, including his name.
I suppose picking up on my fascination with psychological disorders at the time, he began an elaborate scheme of acting like he had DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and using his other personalities to beat and rape me while his main personality remained "oblivious", leaving him free of responsibility and repercussion.
Since so many of you were forced into your situations, I've always had a sense of guilt for being upset about any of it at all, since I willingly brought this man into my life. BUT, that is something I'm working on, of course ;).
Anyway, I know that was long. Bravo if you got through it all!
I've been mulling around on the PTSD forum for a little while now, and it's been extremely informative. What I'm looking for now, I guess, is understanding. But aren't we all?
I was fairly brief in my introduction on the other forum, so I'm going to include a little more detail since this site is focused on sexual abuse, rather than just general PTSD or CPTSD.
So, my background: when I was fourteen I was introduced to a boy who seemed like he needed to be reached out to. So I did. Apparently already at fourteen, I was a rescuer :rolleyes:. Uuuuunfortunately, at eighteen, he was already a manipulative and intelligent user. He recognized me as an ideal target, and proceeded over the next couple of months to lure me into his crazy world.
He got me to trust him, and one day he presented me with the seemingly hypothetical situation of, "What would you do, as a virgin, if someone was going to hurt a person you cared about if you wouldn't have sex with them?" I'll admit, that's a pretty giant red flag. What's worse is that there was an even bigger one immediately following. He completely changed, including his name.
I suppose picking up on my fascination with psychological disorders at the time, he began an elaborate scheme of acting like he had DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and using his other personalities to beat and rape me while his main personality remained "oblivious", leaving him free of responsibility and repercussion.
Since so many of you were forced into your situations, I've always had a sense of guilt for being upset about any of it at all, since I willingly brought this man into my life. BUT, that is something I'm working on, of course ;).
Anyway, I know that was long. Bravo if you got through it all!
