Csa-----is It Possible To Value Your Body?

[Sideways]

@Lola Nocheprieta - really really like that approach. Going all out, but starting small, in the literal sense. Years ago, before I went down the SH route, my toenails were 'me time', learned how to do a pedicure and took time out every Sunday to get my feet looking spesh before the work week started. It was a way that I used to enjoy my body. So I really like your approach a lot.

And yeah, totally badass! Take that self-loathing!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

my toenails were 'me time', learned how to do a pedicure and took time out every Sunday to get my feet looking spesh before the work week started. It was a way that I used to enjoy my body.

I did that!! It was so nice!

I love the idea of taking one area at a time and learn to enjoy that area of your body. So toes is a pedicure, fingers maybe a manicure, throat may be something warm going down it and the belly something warm going into it.

Ive been re-reading all day yesterday and Im wondering what the difference is in accepting and valuing? Im trying to think of an example of each and im not able to.

 

[joeylittle]

what the difference is in accepting and valuing?

Acceptance is neutral - no positive or negative judgment assigned. Valuing involves applying a positive.

A good example might be right-handed-ness. Being left-handed is a challenge in the world for various reasons, but being right-handed was labelled the 'standard' a long time ago, so it's never commented on. Most people who are right handed simply accept that they are so. They don't think less of it, they don't think more of it, it's just a fact.

Whereas, people who are left-handed often have to come to accepting that they are left-handed, and that would occur probably before they were ever able to value being so.

Think of something very benign about yourself - something that you take for granted - it will likely give you an example of acceptance. Then, if you want to try and value it, you can think about the ways you judge it to be positive. When we appreciate things, we are applying a positive judgement - same as criticism involves negative judgement. Judgement is any opinion, it's not de facto negative (although that's a more common contemporary usage).

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Oh I see now! Thank you @joeylittle! I guess i was confusing enjoying with vauling.

 

[Abstract]

Acceptance of my intense self hatred and disgust and developing some kind understanding for it was definitely the first step for me. Trying to love myself led to dangerous backlash and wasnt doable or helpful at all. Acceptance alone was a huge challenge. Not sure where I would be without radical acceptance. One thing that has helped a lot is to accept things as a symptom. It took a while but when I could start doing it it diminished the internal fighting and punishing dangerous behaviours that would happen in reaction.

More recently I have times when I can approach it in terms of general beliefs about people or human beings. I can tell myself that it is right for human beings to feel positive about themselves and that I am a human being. Doesn't go down terribly well as struggle feeling human but it feels less personal and challenges me because it links into my attitudes about others.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Today I helped my wife clean out the gutters. I climbed up on our steep-ass roof to sweep a shitload of leaves off before the rains come. I found myself profoundly grateful for my whole body which enabled me to do that hard work, as my wife would not have been able to do so. I have a lot of aches and pains, injuries and health conditions,but I am still grateful for my health and well-being. I particularly valued my leg strength and good balance. Just thought I'd share. :shy:

 

[EmmaOwl]

It always sounds better when saying it to someone else but when I say "love your body" to myself I laugh out loud!

This does seem common in PTSD sufferers! Lack of self-compassion, vs extreme tenderness when looking at others.

 

[EmmaOwl]

And I'm rocking that miniskirt with the peep-toe pumps that show off my pedicure.

My therapist always notices when I schlump in wearing track pants three sizes too big, and the same t shirt as last week.
I don't tend to notice - I don't do it _intentionally_, it's some kind of need for comfort, lack of effort that is satisfied.
I think to myself, "When I open my shoebox full of eyeshadow, THEN I'll know I'm better!" (Luckily it is loose powder and does not go bad.)
It is fantastic, when you are able to do it up!

ETA I think I have gotten too old for some of the sparkly colors, though. Boo.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think I have gotten too old for some of the sparkly colors, though. Boo.

NEVER too old for sparkly colors!

One of my fav self care (or something) things to do is get wild and funky and sparkly and fun colors and paint my toe nails. I hate my finger nails painted but do a manny on them without the paint and a peddi with paint and afterwards and stare at my toes and smile. Is that weird? :shy:

 

[EmmaOwl]

Is that weird? :shy:

Nope! Not weird at all!

I have considered having my own private pajama party of one, pulling out makeup and re-figuring out how to do foundation and all that I don't have a handle on, because it's been so long - and a lot, I never even learned in the past. When I was 18 I could get away without such things... The eye shadow was really my main vice. Now at 36 I get self-conscious! , I am too lazy to fuss with it. (I know it's not really lazy, but it feels lazy.)

NEVER too old for sparkly colors!

I hope so! I tried headbands, and cringed.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

peddi with paint and afterwards and stare at my toes and smile. Is that weird?

Not weird at all, I'm smiling at my toes now ...

ETA: click the thumbnail to see the handpainted flowers on my big toes, I love that shit!