Not everyone is bad. It is true. But as you surely know it's not only about other people. If you want to be with people instead of being loner you have to change your thinking patterns. Emotions of traumatized people became too large, extreme. Traumatized people keep getting stuck with e.g. what happened yesterday, whole weekend are hijacked by something what happened. They have also basic perception of the world that people will hurt them people going to mess with them. They became almost paranoid (I feel that way). So they position themselves in the world as somebody who should always protect themselves (me again), or somebody who should be agressive, distant (me), or they isolate themselves like you (and me). They burn bridges. I do that alot, trust me, alot, and it is not good at all. I am either very distant or people pleaser. Extremes. We are terrified of abadonment isn't it ? We judge ourselves harshly and have very low self-esteem. We have a big trust issues. No wonder. It is not just about "thinking". What is it anyway ? Our experiences literally changed our brains (it could be epigenetics). The way I think and act is strong habit (written in the brain) which is no longer useful in this co called normal world. We learned something, we have to unlearn it.
I am 35 and I still struggle with it. So I am not sure what is the best solution here. But what helps me is
1. not being so harsh to myself, almost no matter what happened
2. not to take everything so seriously
It's everyday work. It is a process. It's hard. I have to do it otherwise there is no point to carry on. I learn and I learned something. But... so far.... I slowly remove everyone around me. I balance between hatred towards the people and a "normal" relationship with them. I quit the job (that job was awful anyway), found a new one. But I do not want to stay there. There are too many people (open space office) and I hate this job anyway. I am a more artistic type of person and I never did a job that is closer to art. So it's about time. I want to have a job at home (less people), if possible some creative ones. I was also on social media (fb) and I canceled my account, not that I just logged off. There were my former coworkers and some family members like aunts, uncles, cousins. I have not said about that to anyone beforehand :) And I keep on doing so step by step, I just slowly remove everyone around me. I'm not socializing at work, I do not even look for a romantic relationship (honestly, sometimes I do not even care about sex, like at all).
It is most likely not good. I burn bridges. But I have to say that I also trying to find a balance. Like one of the members (ladee) of this website once wrote "I want to feel like a human not a wounded animal". So I want to strengthen my psyche, or just be more relaxed so I can function relatively normal but I also do not need to be surrounded by so many people. And I am quite picky. Because let's be honest, despite what we suffer and we are hypersensitive, it is a fact that there are so many people who just always need some ego-boosting, or relive frustration and they often choose us. Or at least it is my case. Because I look like somebody very harmless, and I am quiet person, always polite. I don't know how you are, but I am often a target and it's not just my subjective point of view. Several people around me told me that I look like that person. Even my former girlfriend told me that :roflmao: Funny, isn't it ? So I have objective reason to hate most people whom I met and meet. That is also the reason why I've been bullied at school. They just see some jittery in my eyes and then they like to try me. Well not everybody, but many. They are not thinking about it, they just want their ego-boost, or relive frustration, or something. I hate it. I know it's about their stupidity, or whatever, but I have to deal with it every time. I want to say hello idiot, what about some self-reflection. I am here the one who is reactive, or impulsive and not thoughful ? What about your ego needs.
Don't worry I am aware of that this topic is not about me. I am just trying here to point out that you are not alone (as you know, but it's good to remember) and that we have a lot in common.
I am 35 and I still struggle with it. So I am not sure what is the best solution here. But what helps me is
1. not being so harsh to myself, almost no matter what happened
2. not to take everything so seriously
It's everyday work. It is a process. It's hard. I have to do it otherwise there is no point to carry on. I learn and I learned something. But... so far.... I slowly remove everyone around me. I balance between hatred towards the people and a "normal" relationship with them. I quit the job (that job was awful anyway), found a new one. But I do not want to stay there. There are too many people (open space office) and I hate this job anyway. I am a more artistic type of person and I never did a job that is closer to art. So it's about time. I want to have a job at home (less people), if possible some creative ones. I was also on social media (fb) and I canceled my account, not that I just logged off. There were my former coworkers and some family members like aunts, uncles, cousins. I have not said about that to anyone beforehand :) And I keep on doing so step by step, I just slowly remove everyone around me. I'm not socializing at work, I do not even look for a romantic relationship (honestly, sometimes I do not even care about sex, like at all).
It is most likely not good. I burn bridges. But I have to say that I also trying to find a balance. Like one of the members (ladee) of this website once wrote "I want to feel like a human not a wounded animal". So I want to strengthen my psyche, or just be more relaxed so I can function relatively normal but I also do not need to be surrounded by so many people. And I am quite picky. Because let's be honest, despite what we suffer and we are hypersensitive, it is a fact that there are so many people who just always need some ego-boosting, or relive frustration and they often choose us. Or at least it is my case. Because I look like somebody very harmless, and I am quiet person, always polite. I don't know how you are, but I am often a target and it's not just my subjective point of view. Several people around me told me that I look like that person. Even my former girlfriend told me that :roflmao: Funny, isn't it ? So I have objective reason to hate most people whom I met and meet. That is also the reason why I've been bullied at school. They just see some jittery in my eyes and then they like to try me. Well not everybody, but many. They are not thinking about it, they just want their ego-boost, or relive frustration, or something. I hate it. I know it's about their stupidity, or whatever, but I have to deal with it every time. I want to say hello idiot, what about some self-reflection. I am here the one who is reactive, or impulsive and not thoughful ? What about your ego needs.
Don't worry I am aware of that this topic is not about me. I am just trying here to point out that you are not alone (as you know, but it's good to remember) and that we have a lot in common.
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