Sexual Assault Dear Man Who Decided To Make Sexual Comments About Me

[scout86]

I think it is really sad that we men cannot seem to comprehend that the majority of women do not appreciate, and are actually offended by the sexual remarks made toward them

I don't know what percentage of the male population this affects, but it's my impression they don't CARE if women are offended or not. Which is actually worse than just being ignorant. I have a lot of male friends. I'm hoping it's a minority! It's just a particularly visible minority. :)

 

[RussH]

It's just a particularly visible minority

A good swift boot between the legs might fix that:)

 

[scout86]

For better or worse @RussH , that kind of approach is the first place my brain goes. (Might be a "symptom"! :))

 

[Kintsugi]

I don't know, Scout. Those international statistics I linked to are not heartening. However, minority or not, the issue is systemic, as Russ pointed to when he referenced older films. This is definitely improving, though, especially with the introduction of more three-dimensional, dynamic female characters in pop culture (I'm looking at you, Unreal! :woot:).

Russ also hit on something in saying that many men simply seem oblivious about the offense taken, which is why I love Twitter's #nowomanever campaign. It's a light-hearted, tongue-in-cheek way to jab at assumptions that catcalling, wolf-whistling, and following women is not an appropriate or effective way to get on a woman's good side.

 

[RussH]

I think about this every time I hear the song "Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison. I love the song, but it really is a very sexist song in light of today's society.

 

[Kintsugi]

Eh. These are lyrics from Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame circa 1996 (the song is called "Hellfire"): http://www.letssingit.com/disney-lyrics-hellfire-bq75rqd

The lyrics are about the archdeacon lusting after the gypsy Esmeralda. He's singing to the Virgin Mary, "It's not my fault/if in God's plan/He made the Devil/So much stronger than a man," and goes on to sing, "Now gypsy/It is your turn/Choose me or your pyre/Be mine or burn."

:woot: Kid movies! I watched that film when I was five. "Pretty Woman" is nothing.

 

[RussH]

. "Pretty Woman" is nothing.

The part of Pretty Woman I always think about in terms of this discussion, is where he growls

 

[joeylittle]

Whenever we get into 'men' and 'women' sex-object conversations, I always feel an impulse to mention that sexual orientation is relevant. I think, At the moment we are specifically referring to men who identify women as their sexual partner (or object) of choice.

But context is everything. Go to a gay bar, and these dynamics still play out; there will be those who self-identify as the 'power' group, and they - men or women - are just as capable of objectifying those whom they see as the 'submissive' or non-dominant group.

I've always wanted to talk to a straight man who was called out as a sexual object by a straight woman, and know if the experience (of objectification) was at all the same.

Just thoughts.

 

[Friday]

I know that this might not be taken well, but not all women would find his remark disgusting or degrading. Yes some men can be pigs and they don't know when to keep their mouths shut, but I do know women that feel that it's a compliment. They feel noticed, sexy and like they still have it.

<chuckling> I'm very much one of those women. In several different ways, the above just one of them. Not the least of the others being that it gives me an edge when other people so helpfully show me half their cards up front. :sneaky:

The thing is, Simon is very good about not speaking for me :D When she's speaking, she's speaking her truth from her heart, which in no way negates my own truths. What this man did hurt her. What many men do, thinking or unthinking, hurts her. For very real and valid reasons. Other people in this thread have made some sweeping generalities, about what men should or shouldn't do, but eh. I rather suspect most of the same people don't see the same degrading and dehumanizing "Awwwwww-Factor" of cooing over men with puppies and babies in a park.

I happen to thoroughly enjoy the differences between the sexes, whether coos or cat-calls... But in many ways I'm androgynous as f*ck. While whistles sound like a music box tinkling in my ears as I walk across the compos & piazzas? (I f*cking love Rome) if a girl or woman I'm with cringes walking past a construction yard? I can switch on a dime and (stateside*) go all older-brother, show some motherf*cking respect, that's my sister you're talking about toe to toe vibe :D LOL. That's actually fun tripping men out like that, because the fact that it's a chick doing it almost never registers at first. To complete the confusion, switching right back into sweet smiles & thank you dahlin' while they're still blinking I can usually provoke a big-brother attitude on their part. It's the manipulation tactic / human equivalent of a quick smack on the nose followed by "Who's a good boy?" when instant obey! is achieved ;) Of course, when that doesn't work, I also rather enjoy physical altercations. And very few men enjoy getting their ass kicked by a girl. But most of the time it works.

*In different cultures different tactics work best when dealing with groups. The older-brother vibe works best in most of the US.

 

[Ellabella44]

@FridayJones Ive done that in online games. Leveled a male character because I found a name I liked and when one of my friends was being harassed like this I did the big brother bit. Also worked well and was empowering when my daughter was the one being harassed and I went all mom on him. :)

was also able to shut a guy who did this down when approached on my own with a simple "Dude , i'm old enough to be your mom, quit trolling every female you see " and hitting report button.

sadly all the above was in a disney game. :rolleyes:


Ive been able to approach it this way now that I'm older.

 

[Ronin]

*In different cultures different

Yeah I know right.

What's oh darn harass one place is completely lovely, adorable, admiring, and genuine expression of appreciation elsewhere, and so to be taken into account.

I tend to approach this depending on where I am, largely. And how much I pass, and if I'm trying to pass, and how. But cultural customs and what's conveying appreciation and what's conveying rudeness and insult matter heckuva lot.

Many things that are so faux-pas in America are completely lovely & safe interest in Africa, aww baby thank for being so kind. So weighting that in, before taking offense, helps.

 

[Ronin]

I've always wanted to talk to a straight man who was called out as a sexual object by a straight woman

Honestly, from the people I talked to, perceived orientation and perceived gender expression mattered.

As in the objectification was still related to feminizing said man, on either identity or orientation (or both) scales.
So I think it's more a problem of how societies treat femininity & back to male privilege, than actual identities of people.