Death Anniversary of one abuser

[Smile]

I was all set to go to a cousin’s wedding now. I knew about it because my family had spoken about it but I forgot until just now that tonight is my Father’s (a.k.a. One of my childhood sexual abusers) Death anniversary and I’m in “I’m curled up into myself with my body rigid as a rock” mode.

Can’t go to wedding.

And I’m pissed and sad.

If he hadn’t done those things to me I could have enjoyed myself. He’s robbing me of yet ANOTHER think that would give me joy.

I absolutely LOVE my dads side of the family. Can’t stand my mothers. So this stings.

Never mind the constant flashbacks I’m having.

And I can’t share with any of my siblings bc… well, it’s THEIR FATHER who died. How dare anyone besmirch his name. His fu&$ing holy memory.

And I’m scared

 

[Teasel]

Just to say I hear you

 

[Renly]

I’m so sorry. Not much in the way of words, but sitting with you.

 

[BigLittle]

I was all set to go to a cousin’s wedding now. I knew about it because my family had spoken about it but I forgot until just now that tonight is my Father’s (a.k.a. One of my childhood sexual abusers) Death anniversary and I’m in “I’m curled up into myself with my body rigid as a rock” mode.

Can’t go to wedding.

And I’m pissed and sad.

If he hadn’t done those things to me I could have enjoyed myself. He’s robbing me of yet ANOTHER think that would give me joy.

I absolutely LOVE my dads side of the family. Can’t stand my mothers. So this stings.

Never mind the constant flashbacks I’m having.

And I can’t share with any of my siblings bc… well, it’s THEIR FATHER who died. How dare anyone besmirch his name. His fu&$ing holy memory.

And I’m scared

I am sorry you feel this way and I hope one day you can still go to such social gatherings regardless anykind of triggering anniversaries, because you deserve to be able to enjoy all the goodness that you now have in your life.

Sucks that you had to stay, then again I totally understand what you're going through and want to say thanks for sharing this.

Take care of yourself.

 

[Paula]

I was all set to go to a cousin’s wedding now. I knew about it because my family had spoken about it but I forgot until just now that tonight is my Father’s (a.k.a. One of my childhood sexual abusers) Death anniversary and I’m in “I’m curled up into myself with my body rigid as a rock” mode.

Can’t go to wedding.

And I’m pissed and sad.

If he hadn’t done those things to me I could have enjoyed myself. He’s robbing me of yet ANOTHER think that would give me joy.

I absolutely LOVE my dads side of the family. Can’t stand my mothers. So this stings.

Never mind the constant flashbacks I’m having.

And I can’t share with any of my siblings bc… well, it’s THEIR FATHER who died. How dare anyone besmirch his name. His fu&$ing holy memory.

And I’m scared

Please get your self into therapy specifically for PTSD trauma. The therapist can help you tremendously . You are worth it.

 

[Clocked]

So sorry you're feeling this way. I too am sitting with you for support. I hope you can find someone to talk with.

 

[Friday]

Can’t go to wedding.

And I’m pissed and sad.

If he hadn’t done those things to me I could have enjoyed myself. He’s robbing me of yet ANOTHER think that would give me joy.

I absolutely LOVE my dads side of the family. Can’t stand my mothers. So this stings.

Feel ya.