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MyPTSD Pro
I was all set to go to a cousin’s wedding now. I knew about it because my family had spoken about it but I forgot until just now that tonight is my Father’s (a.k.a. One of my childhood sexual abusers) Death anniversary and I’m in “I’m curled up into myself with my body rigid as a rock” mode.
Can’t go to wedding.
And I’m pissed and sad.
If he hadn’t done those things to me I could have enjoyed myself. He’s robbing me of yet ANOTHER think that would give me joy.
I absolutely LOVE my dads side of the family. Can’t stand my mothers. So this stings.
Never mind the constant flashbacks I’m having.
And I can’t share with any of my siblings bc… well, it’s THEIR FATHER who died. How dare anyone besmirch his name. His fu&$ing holy memory.
And I’m scared
Can’t go to wedding.
And I’m pissed and sad.
If he hadn’t done those things to me I could have enjoyed myself. He’s robbing me of yet ANOTHER think that would give me joy.
I absolutely LOVE my dads side of the family. Can’t stand my mothers. So this stings.
Never mind the constant flashbacks I’m having.
And I can’t share with any of my siblings bc… well, it’s THEIR FATHER who died. How dare anyone besmirch his name. His fu&$ing holy memory.
And I’m scared