Sexual Assault Diary Of Incest Survivor's Breasts

[Gloria]

Again, thank you for sharing. I have issues about my breasts too, because of what my father did. You have helped me put that into perspective. xx

OMG!! All these years, I thought that bandaging my breasts so that my father wouldn't want to tough them was my one brilliand an unique idea! I guess anyone in that situation would do the same. I thought of my breasts as not part of my body - some terrible growth that was evil and I hate to stop it.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[Gloria]

It was different for me. The first reason was that I didn't want to be a girl. And that was because my father didn't want me to be a girl. As a kid I tried to hide my feminine side and be around boys as much as possible. I dreaded wearing skirts and dresses and dreaded my long hair, but it was the compromise - the only one at it - I made for my mom.
Secondly, I started developing early. And that just made my father angry - he always said that the fact that I was a girl was a guarantee that I was to become a wh**e. And then there were the boys that kept teasing me and grabbing me. One day, during summer, they poured a bucket of water on me to make my t-shirt stick to my body and teased me a lot about it. I wasn't wearing a bra because my mom told me it was bad for my breasts, so I had to go through about an hour of embarassing stares and comments. That made me click and I started binding my breasts and wearing really baggy clothes so that nothing would show. I stopped because I got really strong pains.

The part about over eating is a current problem of mine. I have gained enough weight lately and I say I don't care, but in fact I do, because I like to look pretty. But it just frustrates the hell out of me if I get comments or stares - I won't mention what being grabbed does to me.. :)

It's all about taking control of things in our heads, I guess. Too bad that we don't realize what that "control" does to us..

Thank YOU for sharing. It really was enlightening to read.

It is so weird! Nowadays, all the parents I know are so sensitive to their children's developing bodies. I see women buying girls training bras, etc. My father was a insane, perverted and sadistic drunk. As a child, my father thought it was "cute" that I was shirtless and in fact, I have tons of pictures of me shirtless as child. However, I develeped breasts and even though I cried and screamed, he made he go outside and play with no shirt on. The man next door was ogling me and his wife yelled at me to stay away from me. I was so embaressed. What were these people thinking? Cruel, sadistic embaressment of their children or some unresolved issues about their sexuality? You know what I don't care. I don't care at all why they didn't. I would never do anything unkind or mean to my children - never did. Why did they did it is inexusable.

Thank for sharing!

 

[Nyx]

My father was a insane, perverted and sadistic drunk.

There's your why. And mine too, as a matter of fact. Other words and explanations are just useless...

My T suggested last week that my father was angry at me for being a girl because he was attracted to me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and it's still hard to wrap my head around this insane idea. And still... is it that insane?

 

[Gloria]

There's your why. And mine too, as a matter of fact. Other words and explanations are just useless...

My T suggested last week that my father was angry at me for being a girl because he was attracted to me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and it's still hard to wrap my head around this insane idea. And still... is it that insane?

My mother was an invalid with multiple schlerosis from the time I was a toddler. My father who with his alcohol soaked brain didn't realize that I was his daughter not his wife. He was so jealous of boys paying attention to me. Every day he would make me promise that I would never marry but always stay with him. Sick!

 

[sisterinsurvival]

I am sorry that both of you have had to go through these experiences.

 

[OneofHis]

I went through a lot of "boob-doom" too. I remember my dad playing with mine with there was nothing there to play with. I can't for the life of me imagine what he got out of that.

It was a game to him. Similar to how you'd play peek-a-boo with a baby and then say, "I got your nose!!", Except it wasn't my noes :|

I never binded myself because I never had anything to bind. Not because of deformities but genetics. I'm small frame built anyhow. But as I grew into my teen years I became even more insecure if that was at all possible, because other girls were getting boobs and I looked like a boy:(

So a few years ago when I was going through my divorce I had a mini mid-life crisis and got some boobs. Ive never had trouble with them but they are still fairly new. I breastfed my first two children prior to the augmentation and I'm currently breastfeeding my now five month old, (well not at this very moment, he's asleep:).

I guess it's weird that I would want boobs now after experiencing what I did when I was growing up. It does make more since to react the way others did and want to bind them, but I think maybe in my own weird way I felt like getting "new" boobs was doing away with the old ones that had been treated wrongly. It kind of made me feel like a new me.

Of course even now when my dad comes around I catch myself concealing them more by crossing my arms and such. I absolutely will not breastfeed my child in his presence even with a blanket. My mom who doesn't know what he did to me never understands why I leave the room when they're at my house to feed the baby.

Thanks for sharing your story Gloria. You have a great sense of humor, hopefully neither of us will ever have need to be identified by our serial numbers and may they outlive us and never deflate :)

 

[WonderingWhy]

I guess it's weird that I would want boobs now after experiencing what I did when I was growing up. It does make more sense to react the way others did and want to bind them, but I think maybe in my own weird way I felt like getting "new" boobs was doing away with the old ones that had been treated wrongly. It kind of made me feel like a new me.

OneofHis,:wave:
I couldn't stop myself from commenting on your post. I completely disagree:no:. Your reaction makes just as much sense! That was your reaction to your past abuse. There is no one way that makes more sense.

No one can make any sense out of the action of the abusers! So however you react is not right or wrong, more sensible or not. We are all individuals and we all just get by the best way we can.

Personally, I think your way made perfect sense for your particular case.:) :hug:

Thanks for sharing your story Gloria. You have a great sense of humor, hopefully neither of us will ever have need to be identified by our serial numbers and may they outlive us and never deflate :)

You also, clearly, have a great sense of humor!:lmao: You are smart, strong, and funny. Amazing. Take care of yourself and know you are amazing! I could never imagine the strength and restaint you must have to allow that monster into your house. please take care of yourself!:hug::hug:

 

[OneofHis]

Thank you WW, your awesome!! :))

 

[WonderingWhy]

:rolleyes: Awh geez, :no:not really! But thank you for saying so!:bounce: