ED Disordered eating

[ms spock]

I am highly anxious today.

I am doing well with my eating.

Last night I didn't comfort eat. I ate four dates. So this is a big change.

I am not feeling good, but I am still improving.

 

[ms spock]

I fed myself well this morning. We had spaghetti bolognese for breakfast this morning. I made it for dinner last night. I am eating better, and I am making sure that I have a proper portion for a meal, no restrictions.

I want to listen to some Brain Over Binge podcasts today, and also to read the related book, which you can download for free from her website.

 

[ms spock]

I really stressed out, and started eating blueberries and yoghurt, but then I stopped myself, and did a semi supine. So I changed my behaviour.

I walked an hour with my walking group this morning.

 

[ms spock]

My comfort eating last night was blueberries with some yoghurt, continue massive improvement.


I am feeding myself a bit better as well.

 

[ms spock]

I didn't do so well with eating yesterday. I did comfort eat, and I did end up with double the Weight Watchers' points. I am still eating less overall. I am still at a reasonable weight. I need to work on self soothing without food. I am doing better with distorted cognitions and maladaptive daydreaming. I am improving so much. It is tough to change 40 years of disordered eating and thinking but I am doing it.

Feeding myself well is really important, and feeding yourself well, with nourishing regular portion sizes does mean you don't binge eat as much. It really makes a difference.

 

[ms spock]

This morning I went to Weight Watchers, which is changing it's name, but it will still be Weight Watchers to me, I am over all the change of branding rubbish. It is just neoliberalist marketisation, and I am sick of it.

WW helps me be more aware of my eating which is very important for emotional regulation.

I have not done so well with my eating this week. I put on 1.3 kilos from some comfort eating, but even this is an improvement. I used to be able to put on 5-7 kilos per week when I was anxious or triggered, and I am not doing that as much anymore.

I have been feeling very lonely and disconnected. I am scared of the next step in my journey. I just don't want to feel vulnerable.

 

[Friday]

. I put on 1.3 kilos from some comfort eating, but even this is an improvemen

I am considering beginning to weigh myself by Stone.

I like the idea that there’s about 6 kilos of weight fluctuation in normal/healthy living.

But I’m beginning to think that weighing ourselves by pounds and kilos makes about as much sense as weighing ourselves by grams.

 

[ms spock]

Yeah you have a point @Friday, and my body weight definitely fluctuates a lot. And if I didn't have a history of severe obesity/weight loss I would be in your camp.

It is useful for me to weigh myself and watch my weight because it alerts me to changes in my body that I may be too dissociated, derealised or depersonalised to notice. I lost way too much weight in 2013. But prior to that I was obese, so being in my BMI has become a goal for me. It is not as all encompassing as managing distress tolerance, ruminations, comfort eating, binge eating, changing myself and my life. I just can't afford to get either too obese or too underweight.

 

[ms spock]

I am doing better today.
I went walking with a friend and her dog Zeus, and our dog Bluey this morning. I got exercise in, first thing.
I am choosing to not comfort eat so far today.
I have been writing a job application.

 

[ms spock]

I did really well last night. I didn't over eat. I didn't comfort eat. I didn't eat food when I got in to bed. I didn't eat multiple portions at dinner. I stayed with being present rather than numbing out on food. This is very impressive, given that I have had disordered eating for over 40 years. It was the way to numb out from what was happening. It was a way to manage my feelings. It was a way to comfort myself. It was a way of rewarding myself. Food was my parent/family for a long time.

I had one portion of tomato soup this morning. I am making sure that I feed myself properly. Eating properly nutritious food is important for management each day.

 

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I did some comfort eating, and I did that partly because I was thirsty but didn't realise that. I sometimes eat instead of drinking, as I am not able to pick up those cues yet.

I am struggling again, but still overall I am more here and I am doing stuff.

I am not as dissociated as I was, and I am not as binge watching TV, and I am not overall eating and numbing out as much. I do feel really tired though.

I am so tired and I felt scared to feel tired. I am still learning how to feel feelings.

 

[ms spock]

I really struggled with feelings coming up so I really longed for more and more food. I did have extra portions. I am struggling a bit today.