General Do I Need Therapy?

[Doglover24]

My husband has PTSD and I know being a supporter I can have problems because of it but when do you know if you need help to? I like this forum page because it is helpful knowing I am not the only one going through this. But sometimes I just wanna scream!!! I don't know how to deal with him sometimes, I think talking to someone might help but not sure? Sorry if just going on, nice to let it out. I get so mad sometimes because I cant be mad, short temper, or just irritable without him getting super mad at me. If I had a bad day at work, I have to be super happy go lucky when I get home which is hard. I want to be mad sometimes too!!!!! I feel as if he doesn't understand I also went through everything with him, was by his side and still am through this whole process and I have tried to say something about it but he just gets mad and stops listening. I know he is the one dealing with PTSD but I am dealing with him dealing with it. Hope this is normal and I not just a horrible person for thinking this!!

 

[Saint Nik]

You are not a horrible person. I suffer PTSD and I prefer it when my partner can be himself, it always gives me the feeling he doesn't have to be anyone else but himself, even when he is stressed out himself.
Now, the thing with your partner, if he is expecting you to walk on egg shells around him because he is suffering PTSD then he needs to be told straight that isn't going to happen! It sounds to me that you are there for him and support him the best way you can and he should appreciate this, but when it comes to other stress in your life that has nothing to do with his PTSD, then why should you hold it all in? I wouldn't say you need therapy, but if it helps you, then go for it. . .maybe you will learn new things about yourself and also find ways to communicate with your man.
If anything, I just think it sounds like you both have a communication problem that is now turning into a habit that needs to be broken, if that makes sense!

 

[Sweetpea76]

It is totally normal for supporters to get therapy of their own.

This isn't a job for the weak of heart. It is a mind screw sometimes and emotionally draining. Supporters can get compassion fatigue and burn out, and in extreme cases, secondary traumatic stress. Your sufferer cannot help you with any of this, and supporters need support too.

 

[shadesofgreen]

I reached out for a counselor for myself yesterday and will contact for an appointment tomorrow. This is the first major hiccup we've had, and in the three days after it, I'm still having difficulty reconciling it with myself. He is in another state and is having difficulty communicating (he said), so I need to find an outlet to screw MY head and heart in the right places.

So it's not just you. And I'm "just a girlfriend."

 

[Lucycat]

if you need to ask the question - the answer has to be 'yes'

 

[ah888]

i have the same situation, i don't know what to do either, i just can't be mad or stressed, my girlfriend wants me to be happy and smiling all the time around her but life's tough, how can i be happy all the time, i have to deal with her, with my study and my life.
i want to give this relationship a break but i feel like i'll be a self-fish and horrible person once i put an end to our relationship

 

[Mytime]

I myself go to therapy and we go to marriage counselling. You have needs and they deserve to but met. They may not be normal to some. Example, if your suffer has a hard time saying " I love you" but it's something you need to hear, how about "dido " or 'forever and a day". You have feeling that need to be expressed and released, or one day it will come out and it may not be pretty. Wishing you the best, remember, you matter too:)

 

[A13]

I sometimes I feel like that! I think the problem is keeping on top of self care, if therapy would help you, then why not give it a whirl. Give it a try, if it's not for you.. you don't have to return. If you don't feel comfortable telling friends or family, don't.
Do what's right for you!!
I go to Al-anon .. I take a lot from it, that's another option? Look at meetings local to you, if like me you feel better after getting it off your chest I think why not speak to someone.
Hope you feel better soon :)

 

[dulcia]

Therapy isn't necessarily to fix something that is "wrong" with you as a supporter, but can be to help you with tools on how to respond to your sufferer, communication techniques for your relationship with a sufferer, etc. Plus it's nice as hell to be able to talk with someone about whatever you want for an hour without having to worry about PTSD avoidance or escalation ;)

 

[awayhome06]

Yes, it will help, the sooner the better! And if you can find a therapist that has dealt with PTSD so much the better for you. Definitely a good resource to take advantage of whether you "need" it or not. You may find that just having that resource to go to if you start to feel stressed or have a specific problem with your sufferer is comfort enough and you don't need to go through regular sessions, but find someone, meet with them, get comfortable, let them get to know your situation and get yourself familiar with the process and with the resource. I waited far too long to do this myself because I felt like I was the one who knew how to take care of myself, and used the excuse that it is expensive and we have been trying to pay off our debt. But I will tell you from experience, it is so beneficial as a supporter to manage your self care and have a professional available to help know what to expect and what options you have.
Also of note, the behavior you are referencing of not feeling like you can have a normal reaction because of your sufferer's reaction to it is something I dealt with for far too long. You are allowed to have feelings. It doesn't help for you to act in anger toward him, but that is something that therapy can help you cope with. However, be very wary of allowing him to limit your emotions. If you react as I did, by pushing it down, feeling guilt over not being exactly the person he needs you to be at the moment he needs it, it can become extremely unhealthy for you. SO, like I said, get yourself to therapy ASAP, and deal with the emotions that come up naturally from this hard situation, and maybe address with the therapist at some point how much it is appropriate for you as a supporter to be taking on and start thinking about what boundaries you might need to have to feel safe to be yourself.