Do You Ever Feel Like Your Trauma Wasn't "traumatic Enough"?

[Sandstone]

You were a child. You COULD NOT " technically want to", because you weren't capable of making that choice. All the responsibility sits with the adult, so yes, it is absolutely right to feel hurt that they mis-used you. You aren't overreacting, you are reacting exactly as you should.

What support have you got at the moment?

 

[Mach123]

Not anymore.

 

[Lilfae]

Yes, I can relate, and the situation within my family closely resembles yours. I have hated myself for it, thinking I was weak, pathetic, whining, a drama queen, I've been so ashamed. I still often think and feel I'm overdramatizing, but the hate and shame has started to decrease. But I also have a lot of what feels like body memories, and I'm not sure it's from real happenings or if I'm imagining it to sort of make up a better reason to have ptsd.

 

[Cain]

You were a child. You COULD NOT " technically want to", because you weren't capable of making that ch...

thank you for your words. I currently have a therapist that I see about once a month (going to probably increase that) and I’m on antidepressants. I haven’t told anyone up until now, because I always thought I would get in trouble and the few people I have told have all said that I was stupid for getting myself into it. I think starting to open up to my therapist about it will help a lot.

 

[Sandstone]

Yes, I think this whole area is one where we can't make accurate judgements. It's much easier to see that someone else's trauma is traumatic, yet we rate our own stuff as trivial or blameworthy. We need a therapist to help us get things in proportion.

 

[Deleted member 42984]

I used to do that a lot, it's called minimizing and rationalization. It's a perfectly normal defense mechanism, to not deal with the immense pain the trauma caused. I have often told myself that the sexual abuse that happened when i was 4 years old didn't *really* qualify as a REAL trauma, and that I was overdramatizing it. Or maybe even just making it up. The fact is that it happened and it has damaged me tremendously. Even tho it was just a hit and run and not prolonged repeated abuse. But. Abuse is abuse. And trauma is real.

 

[Lilfae]

I feel this a lot. my trauma comes from the worst times of my depression. i was taken advantage of in my w...

I don't think you're overreacting at all! You were a child and were not qualified to consent, and the adults knew that very well.

But yes, I too minimize my trauma and have hated myself for being weak, a drama queen a pathetic little worm not worthy of the air I breathe in cause "I have no reason to be traumatized". Andmmy rapes weren't "real" rapes (but what the hell is "real" rape?? It was rape!) But I know I do, and I doubt it less and less. I am very sure that I was dissociating from a very young age. And I know now that my brain developed "wrong" because of my trauma, and it needs to be rewired. That's not an easy task. But when I discovered c-ptsd it all made sense.

 

[tin-man]

Yes, I do this all the time. I had a pretty traumatic childhood, but I still think that I'm just overreacting. I can't help comparing myself to others, and then thinking I should stop complaining, they've had it worse. I know logically it's very unhealthy behavior, but I still feel that way.

I had a session with my T yesterday who made me more aware of this. I believed I was past the worst of it. That I didn't have any anger over the past, that I didn't really care about it at all. It's in the past. I've dealt with it. Talking about it is just whining. But I've come to realize a lot of that isn't true. And I just feel angry at myself. I should be over all of this by now.

And then today, I got into a fight with someone at work. And he was totally in the right. He's also much higher up on the chain, and it's a bad idea to get into a fight with anyone above you, whether they're right or not. But I was just so angry. And I couldn't let it go. Then when I apologized, he was so good about it, I almost started crying right in front of him. I got so emotional I was shaking, and I hate the fact that so many saw it. So now I just feel like leaving my job. Cutting all contact with those I know here. Even leaving the city so I won't chance meeting any of them again.

And I'm just caught in loop of self-loathing and shame. I feel so stupid, so weak. I let my guard down in front of people, and all I can think of is how will they use this against me.

Sorry for going off in a tangent when my answer is just...yes. Yes I do.

 

[grit]

Of course your feelings are feelings and rightfully so just like everybody else.
I think the trauma has not happened to you as an adult to make sense out of it. It happened to you as a child who was being developed so those experiences got molded and became structural basis for you as an adult.

If you are looking the experience alone as adult, it has different feeling as if you looked at it as if this is happening to a child. Let us say same thing was happening to a child you know, a niece or nephew, how would you feel for that child?

That feeling you may have toward a real child in front of you is the feeling you could have for when you were a child.

Also even your feelings as an adult are appropriate. A lot of people who have had childhood trauma experience also suffer from impostor syndrome cause it is just too hard to remember everything and imagine from a child's perspective...so it feels like wow! either it did not happen cause it would have killed me or it did not happen as I think it did cause I still love my parents or whoever did this today or many other examples.

I had severe CPTSD but also I am quite functional and luckily do not have co-morbidity but I try hard not to minimize the abuse I endured as a child.

It is good to allow all feelings and contain them and take them as they come...and hope they all lead to some meaning or healing or both or not.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Absolutely!!!!!! whiner, complainer, faker, fraud.... I've called myself every name I could think of[...

Yes. I think it wasn’t traumatic enough. I compare my childhood issues and the violence I endured in my marriage and the emotional abuse I received to todays vetran who had no choice- I often think- buck up- get over it- be strong- I’m just being a coward or a weenie- I didn’t have really bad trauma.

then a family member will be nonsupportive and hurt me and tell me I’m not PTSD. I’m misdiagnosed- they say we’ll accept you if your get “the right” meds. They are dysfunctional and lack empathy. Then I get angry and it starts all over.

 

[katz]

I have a quote of what my friend who has battle ptsd told me about this exact thing. "You can sit a...

I married one. Every time I mention that I hurt, either physically or emotionally - he tells me how sore his back is and how he can't do anything to stop it. He even tells me how much better I'll be when he dies.
This just shuts me down completely. I nod and let him talk. Most of our conversations end up this way - talking about him and/or his pain. We never go back to what started the conversation. Me, feeing bad.

While growing up I just learned to "deal with it myself". So I do.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I married one. Every time I mention that I hurt, either physically or emotionally - he tells me how sore h...

We must have married brothers! Mine got a bruise, any ailment, fibromyalgia or some kind of immune disorder- undiagnosed of course, or even a chest cold to willingly share, and parked his backside in the living room for all to see and pity and would moan and cough and spread the germs when I walked by. His presence took up the whole house when sick or at home- it really was a big house when he wasn’t there.

Yep-listening wasn’t his strength at all. I just hid in my room-in bed-alone. Been gone a year-on my own-it’s kinda pitiful when I think about it. I’m more satisfied with this kind of alone.