Does Anyone Else Feel Like They Are Not Getting Anywhere In Therapy?

[mrsps]

I first started seeing my T about 8 years ago and saw her for about a year before I moved away. I have since moved back to my hometown and started seeing this same T again, have been seeing her for about 3/4 months now.
I know it takes a lot of time to work though things but I just feel like we are getting nowhere. We start on a topic and only get halfway through then our time is up so don't finish the discussion. Then the next week I will have had something happen during the week that I want to discus so we move onto a new topic but once again don't finish it. I feel like we are jumping around and not getting anywhere.
Does anyone else feel like this?

 

[mamachick]

I am sorry you feel like you are not getting anywhere in therapy. Sometimes I think that I am not either, and I have been seeing my therapist for years now, since 2009. However, I do not blame her for this at all, or even myself for that matter. Fist, I do not have consistant weekly sessions. I will make a few appointments weekly or bi-weekly but when they run out, she usually has a 3-4 week wait to re-schedule. Second, my insurance approves a few and then tell me I cant see her and must see someone else. So there are lapses in therapy for 6 months at a time during appeals. Many times they have denied my meds and I have more crisis to deal with.

Then like you, I have all kinds of stuff coming up to deal with such as illness and relationship issues. We use the session and do not get to actual trauma therapy. Sometimes I feel like I am all over the place with therapy. I do not have any really healthy people in my life, so she is my sounding board often, which I appreciate. Then as I look back, even though we are not doing "trauma therapy", I do see the progress in many ways. The root may not be addressed, but my thinking and attitude has become better. I have less SI, my reactions to things are better as I am less impulsive and getting back to the person I use to be. Yet I know one day I have to do the trauma work consistantly. I would really like to go to a residential treatment facility for 30-60 days. I just do not see how we can open wounds in an hour session.

I have learned a lot about myself by going to therapy, so I will take that as an improvement.

 

[mrsps]

Thanks for your reply, glad to hear you have learned a lot about yourself through therapy. I don't blame my T either I think she is great. There is just so much to talk about and the time goes so fast in each session. I like you, use my T as a sounding board as she is someone I trust and love that I can talk to her the way I can. I guess I am just impatient lol and want everything to be fixed asap!

 

[Nighthawk]

This has been a long slow process for me. I have tried several types of therapy. I must admit I still feel stuck. I also think that part of being stuck is accepting my limitations. This has been learning to live in a totaly different way like a diet if I eat wrong it can cause issues. I am a lot calmer than I used to be but I still get triggered by way too many things.

Wishing you the best outcome.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

It's so sad to hear when peoples' insurance won't let them have what they need.

Where I live, we've got BUP and DPS. BUP is children's psychiatric, they have a part for both visits and inpatient. All patients are minors. DPS is the same, for adults (18+). Both are public, and as all public services they are free till you reach 16. After that you pay NOK 315 every time till you reach NOK 2040, which is the maximum you'll have to pay for health services, after that it's covered. It should be like this more places, usally it actually works.

I don't feel like therapy gets me anywhere. The first T I had at BUP actually talked so slow I couldn't keep up with her. Then she quit and I got a new one, which is really nice, but I've just been to her twice. I've been in therapy other places too, it doesn't feel like I get anywhere at all. Before it's been 2-4 weeks in between each session; loads of time for me to relapse.

I think more frequent and longer sessions help more, and it seems like not getting to the real problem is pretty common. Maybe you could try talk and find out what you really struggle with one session, write it down, and get as straight to it as possible the next?

 

[Lucycat]

It sounds as if your therapy is without a goal and objectives. I have been seeing the same T for four years. We started with stabilisation and grounding. Then we moved on to trauma processing. Now it is mopping up any residual bits and looking at day to day relationship/ employment issues etc. we have gone from twice a week to now every 2 months.

In the beginning it did not feel like there was a plan in place. Looking back it is very clear the road that I have travelled.

 

[Jane.l]

@mrsps I feel exactly the way you do - it feels like a huge tangled knot . We spent therapy last year just firefighting going from one new drama to the next and I thought once the rest of my life had settled a little we could deal with the orginal reason I started therapy but we -like you never seem get to the end of anything . Sometimes the amount of 'stuff' there is to deal with just becomes over whelming.

 

[NovemberStar]

Reading your post I wondered if part of it is you prefer to TALK to your T, tell the stories etc; and in doing so, you don't have to FEEL as much?

I saw one T for 7 years. Did a LOT of talking ... Not a lot of feeling, and avoided the issue of the therapeutic relationship like the PLAUGE.

Perhaps she wasn't quite the right T. Perhaps (as in more likely) I just wasn't quite ready to do the very hard real stuff.

Whatever the reason - I know in the year I've been seeing this T, I've made more progress (ie felt a lot of pain!) in that one year than I have in the previous 20 years of therapy. I have found the courage to 'go there' and talk about how it feels to trust my T - we talk openly about 'the relationship in the room' - and. It's in doing that, that the pain of past relationships comes up, and I can process it and start to heal.

Just a thought.

Perhaps talk to yr T about it too.

 

[StellaBlue]

In the beginning it did not feel like there was a plan in place. Looking back it is very clear the road that I have travelled.

I think my therapist and I have a plan in place - I just continually forget what it is and ask to be reminded. I hate the "stabilization" phase (especially because we keep having to come back to it). It makes me feel like I'm not DOING anything (and there's definitely a voice inside that INSISTS I be DOING something).

I would be much happier with a clear road map - first A (check it off), then B (check it off), then C (check it off) - all better! Instead we dive down, come back up, regroup, dive down. I find it confusing sometimes.

But I look at where I was a year ago, and I know in my "wise mind" that I have made progress, so there it is. I'm in a doldrums right now regarding therapy, but have committed to "just showing up" for the time being.

 

[StellaBlue]

I have found the courage to 'go there' and talk about how it feels to trust my T - we talk openly about 'the relationship in the room' - and. It's in doing that, that the pain of past relationships comes up, and I can process it and start to heal.

This has been my experience as well. It has been really really painful, but so amazingly healing. I have found, through a lot of fumbling around, that if I am angry about therapy, it's usually really about a past relationship and I am able to start with the "angry at therapy" part and dive into the other stuff instead of getting sidetracked like I did before.

 

[mrsps]

Thanks all for your replies. When I first starting seeing my T 8 years ago I wasn't ready to "help myself" I had transference issues with my T but at the time didn't realise what it was and felt like a freak and that I wasn't normal so I never brought it up with my T.
The reason I have gone back to see my T is that I am now in a stage in my life where I want to be able to help myself. I am now married and we want to have kids in the near future where as before when I saw her I didn't see a future for me. I want to work through all of my issues from the past so I can have a better future, I have spoken to my T about this.
I hate the transference part of therapy but I know that I need it to be able to trust my T to work through everything but I find it extremely hard to deal with. I see my T as a mother figure because I wasn't close with my mum.

 

[Suzetig]

Whatever the reason - I know in the year I've been seeing this T, I've made more progress (ie felt a lot of pain!) in that one year than I have in the previous 20 years of therapy. I have found the courage to 'go there' and talk about how it feels to trust my T - we talk openly about 'the relationship in the room' - and. It's in doing that, that the pain of past relationships comes up, and I can process it and start to heal.

Just a thought.

Perhaps talk to yr T about it too.

I really relate to this - I'm beginning to realise I too like to talk to my therapist, tell stories, explain what's happened with me rather than how that feels, or indeed how I experience her. She's seriously easy to talk to but I also know I need to work at a deeper level with her if I'm going to heal properly - I just get very stuck knowing how to do that.