General Does Anyone Else Understand??

[becvan]

Tammy,

Between sessions of EMDR is where the emotions are going to whomp him. Did the doctor explain this? Your hubby needs the skills to cope with this, in between appointments, and should have a good basis of meditation and grounding before starting this. Has he worked on this at all before?

I agree with Kathy, your doing wonderfully!

bec

 

[Jen]

Yes Tammy you are doing well to learn what you can I hope Alex appreciates what you are doing for him maybe later he will?
As for the doctor getting annoyed with all your questions!
Too bad you ask as many questions as you like dont let him brush you off!!

 

[Tammy]

I told the dr as soon as we walked in that he wouldn't be speaking to Alex much. I warned him that I had questions and that I wanted answers. I don't really care how he feels about my questions, in my opinion it is his job to answer them.
He did say that in Alex's appt in a months time they will work on some exercises where Alex will learn to calm down again after an attack if he has any. He says that he isn't going to push Alex at all and that if I am having problems at home after the sessions that I can call him and he will fit us in again asap that day. I can't as for much more from the man so I just have to believe in him and that this treatment will work.
I know Alex does appreciate what I do for him; sometimes though it just annoys me to know that at the time it is all my responsibility. He does hlp me out heaps at home and stuff so it's not all bad.
I asked the Dr what would happen if Alex had a really bad reaction and I started to fear for me and the boys and he said that if that happened, which he highly doubts, then he will put Alex in hospital- obviously if my fears are bad enough for that to need to happen.
I am hoping for the best. Alex still hasn't made up his mind but it has only been one day...

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Tammy

I don't know much about any of this but I hope whatever decision Alex makes works out for the best for all of you.

 

[Tammy]

Thats for your wishes. I appreciate it. And I also hope it works out for the best.

 

[anthony]

Tam, if he was trained by Dr Shapiro herself, he should be just fine at EMDR and well aware of the methods to obtain best results. I have not heard of a doctor yet trained directly from her that has stuffed up majorly. You don't get any better than being trained from the creator herself, being Dr Shapiro. Trust you gut, and if that says the doctor knows what he is doing and saying, go with that. Women's intuition is a powerful tool.

 

[Tammy]

thanks Anthony.
The dr did say he has only ever heard of one case where the EMDR didnt work. The dr who performed it was trained by Dr Shapira, but he used another drs notes instead of talking ot the patient first hand. He said the patient ended up having a psychotic break and was in hospital for a week, and then finished the treatment after the dr did his own observations. He said apart from that he has never heard of it not working. Like I told Alex I think it worth a try. He still hasnt made up his mind but he still has three and a half weeks to do that. SO here's hoping it all goes well.

And thanks heaps for the support everyone, I really do appreciate knowing I not just an interfering bitch...

 

[Kathy]

Oh my no Tammy you are most definitely not an "interfering bitch" ! You are demonstrating much maturity and concern in this, Alex is fortunate to have you. More carers should be as you are Tammy. Keep up the marvelous effort.

 

[anthony]

Agree with Kathy Tam, and I know you personally so I can definitely back up that statement. Alex needs to admit where he is wrong, when his is wrong, put his pride back in check and sometimes fight past pride and male ego to just talk it out. He did it on course, no reason he can't continue it if he chooses too. He is simply choosing not to talk honestly about what he feels, instead show anger. Put the iceberg of emotion back in front of him again!

 

[Tammy]

ok so to catch up a little...

We had an appt with Alex's solicitor yesterday and I believe that it went quite well. We asked him about the $64 000 that MCRS asked us to accept and he said whilst he cannot actually tell uswhat to doin regards to that, he pointed out that that amount is only equivalentto 22yrs of their payments to Alex, whereas if we stick with the 90 a fortnight after tax, they have to pay him til he is 65! We had previously asked MCRS to put that offer in writing and we are still waiting for that, we should receive it some time this week. The solicitor said that we should tell them we would accept 150 000 to allow them to haggle an amount we see as fitting. He also filled out some forms with Alex to claim the lump sum compensation payment and he was sending that off yesterday afternoon. He also told me to approach centrelink and apply for the carers payment- I wasnt even aware I was entitled to it, but he is adamant I am.

After he left and due to some of his comments, Alex was quite angry and we had a bit of a fight about him working in the future. Eventually he admitted to being scared of going back to work because 'what if he tries and fails' and he admitted to being scared of not being as close to the boys if/ when he does go back to work. I told him that me and the boys will love him anyway, but I said that I didnt know what to tell him and that he should talk to the psyche about it next week. He then admitted to being terrified of the EMDR therapy and it stuffing up and him ending up in the mental health unit,and again I told him it was his decision and that I would support him no matter what he chose.

Can anyone tell me if this is right thing to do or give me some advice on how to handle the situation better.

 

[Tammy]

sorryabout that, Alex distracted me and I have no idea howI posted that twice. Sorry guys...:crazy:

 

[Kathy]

No harm done Tammy. The duplicate post was edited. Regarding the situation with Alex, as I am not in Australia I am uncertain how to comment, however I believe you should try to fight for the largest amount of money obviously. And yes here in Canada we also have a benefit for carers of adults with disabilities. As Alex has a recognized disability you should be entitled to the payments.

Is Alex now prepared and ready to return to work, or are these simply some thoughts he is having of the future? Perhaps some negative thinking as the meeting upset him and he is worried about therapy? In any event I believe you did the right thing Tammy, saying you would support whatever decision he makes. You are doing very well as a carer.