Drinking Doesn't Let Me Go...

[Tachiyon]

First of all, I don't know if I even posted this thread at right place.

I'm 22 years old. Living in northen Sweden. When I was 18 the hospital wanted to do some tests on me. and heard after the results, that I have PTSD. At my age of 16, my stephfather abused me and kicked me out of the house when the temperature outdoor was below zero at the middle of the night. I didn't get any therapy help for years. Until when I was thinking that something isn't right with me at 18.
I have recently moved to another town to try to start a new life. But...there is a problem. I am very shy. Before I was diagnosed with PTSD I wasn't shy. The last years, I've been lost ALOT of that "social-rules" since I don't socialize much.

I've also changed school, and started in an art class. They said I was invited to a class party. Sure, I said that I could come. I was thinking that I maybe would start to know some in the class and talk to someone. But there is a catch. I was thinking from the other times how I am when I am drunk. At the party... I was quiet. I couldn't open my mouth. I was drunk, yes. I even was in same psychical state as I usually used to be normally when I am sober.

I feel that I am a big failure, doesn't matter how much I drink alcohol, I'm still that quiet guy sitting with his bottle and doesn't say a word. For many people, alcohol affects them,so they are less nervous and can let loose. But not here...

Is talking with new people really that hard? I even found it hard to chat on internet. I oftenly reading and writing in different forums. But it's not personal things I write about on those forums.

What other options is there?!

I even think that I must have some kind of social fobia...

 

[The Albatross]

For myself I found I was "socially stunted"... I got issues with drinking as well but have made progress. Don't be too hard on yourself... to get where you want to go you can't map a course unless you know where you are. I think this post is a really good indication of progress ... you've shared something very personal here. Congratulations! Only you can know if this is a phobia. Maybe you can examine it more (on or off line).

You are right, alcohol can be a disinhibiter... but it isn't absolute. Sometimes it helps me to separate my issues... the old axiom, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." is the one I use. In your post, for example, I'm seeing PTSD, substance misuse/abuse, uncomfortable in social settings, and shy. I get less intimidated when I break it down... and less anxious.

Be encouraged, you just took a big step!

 

[Missy]

22 is still pretty young to be dealing with all of this. I would say PTSD and alcoholism go hand and hand. It would be better if you didn't develop a dependence but I know it can't always be helped. Keep talking and try to get all the help you can.

By the way, you are not a big failure. Because you survived thus far.

 

[Heather]

I usually never drink. But Since January I've gotten drunk 2x's. To most people that may sound like nothing but for me that's a BIG deal because I NEVER drink.

I think things are just too much to handle and I feel like I can't cope. So, I get wasted. It's been really tough lately. Last time I thought I was gonna puke. Serves me right.

 

[Tachiyon]

Thanks for the answers! I'm glad about it!
No, I'm not using alcohol to escape reality or something like that, thing is that I tried alcohol first time 2 weeks after my 22nd birthday. And now I drink alcohol maybe once every 2-3 month.

I want to notice you all that I recently have some serious thougths and was thinking to create a new thread about it, since I think it would be strange or weird to began with a new subject in a thread that is about something else.

The following thread is here: [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/bipolar.16019/[/DLMURL]

But feel free to continue this thread subject.