EMDR session about mother

[BigLittle]

Hi,

Tomorrow we have an EMDR session planned about my mother and her masturbating next to me from 10 to 14 years old while obligating me to sleep in her bedroom in the twinbed, when I was already acustomed to sleeping alone from early age when my abusive, violent, narcissistic, alcoholic, deranged father had full custody of me.

This has been postponed by me because of my fear how I will react to this.

While good memories are rising above the fog, so are those of the deepest corners of my Pandora's box.

Hopefully this is the last disgusting thing for EMDR...

Helas ... my body and nightly flashbacks tell a different story.

I am getting tired of this bullshit

 

[beaneeboo]

Hi,

Tomorrow we have an EMDR session planned about my mother and her masturbating next to me from 10 to 14 years old while obligating me to sleep in her bedroom in the twinbed, when I was already acustomed to sleeping alone from early age when my abusive, violent, narcissistic, alcoholic, deranged father had full custody of me.

This has been postponed by me because of my fear how I will react to this.

While good memories are rising above the fog, so are those of the deepest corners of my Pandora's box.

Hopefully this is the last disgusting thing for EMDR...

Helas ... my body and nightly flashbacks tell a different story.

I am getting tired of this bullshit

I can totally understand why you would be tired of this... just reading your post i feel f off for you...kudos to you for facing this in therapy... and I hope you gain power and agency working through it... Good luck with it and be kind to yourself

 

[Freddyt]

Doesn't have to be about her directly. Deal with all the stray bits and pieces around it first. Bed, sleep, sleeping alone, etc. As you get through the bits and pieces you will get to the hard parts, and by the time you get there it will be a little easier....

 

[BigLittle]

Postponed the session for 2 weeks. Talked about other yuckness that has risen to my full awareness.

My therapist told me that its a lot with me. I replied yeah its pretty deranged. She replied; at a bare minimum you could call it deranged.

And yet it seems and feels all so normal kinda like a coming home feeling.

The realisation of becoming aware that I am addicted to "The Rush", any kinda rush, is a huge eyeopener for behaviour from my past that was hard to put into place.

I was blind, now I can see...