Ending Therapy Is Hard.

[Panda Bear]

Breaking up is hard to do.

I'm a mixed basket case of emotions tonite, tomorrow is my usual therapy day and I just texted T and told him "I don't want to come tomorrow"

In almost five years, I've never canceled once or missed a session for any reason. Not one time! I want to run away and never see him again! This is tough stuff, ending therapy after such a long term relationship. A strong, solid, caring, compassionate, attached relationship! We have a few weeks already to work on termination and plan to keep working till the end of January. But I'm getting anxious and worried. There has to be a way out without saying goodbye!

I've cried a lot over the last few weeks, processing the end and what his looks and feels like. We've talked a ton, he won't let me just slip away, but the urge to flee is overwhelming!

We're incredibly close. As we reflected last week, he started to cry. I was crying.....it's a disaster! He told me I was his favorite patient and has never learned more than he has with me.

Anyways, im just lost feeling and unsure. I know I have to stick this ending process out, but it's killing me to detach from him. Yet at the same time, I'm happy about being ready to be on my own too!

 

[MisterCatLady]

Oh god I started to tear up reading this! I'm so happy that you had that therapeutic experience. I think that's rare. How did you know it was time to end therapy? Is it something the two of you have discussed for a long period of time?

 

[Seasounds]

I truly don't know what to say, after almost losing my therapist in November, except from that, I have a sense of what you are going through.

I got sad and anxious, too! It is great that you have hope, about being on your own. I'm supporting you, to move through this however you wish.:hug:

 

[Deleted member 541]

I've had so many therapist through the yrs, but only 1 has ever made a lasting impression on me. I worked hard in his office and out of it. He was the most awesome therapist I have ever had, and when it was time to say goodbye, it was tough. We've remained sort of in touch. I've called him many times over the yrs, and he's always responded.

Be proud of the work that you've done. I know it's hard to say goodbye, but try and turn it around and look at it from a positive point. You worked hard, you've grown, you've become stronger. It's now time to fledge, and put all of that hard work into action. Make your T proud and put all of his knowledge to work and fly with it...

 

[Panda Bear]

@MisterCatLady .....ironically, I knew it was time to go when I started to feel really anxious and nervous when seeing T. A few weeks ago, I started to feel a tug inside my heart. A gentle pull that was was reminding me that T wasn't a forever deal. My heart began to detach and the process of walking away had begun. We've discussed closure for the past year and have tried to gage when a good time to end would be. What life needed to look like, etc. Originally, we had discussed meeting weekly through the end of February and then going bi-weekly March-May.

When that feeling over took me a few weeks ago, I knew it was time to go earlier than we had planned. And I changed the terms of our closure. Since then, it's been a wild ride! This saying goodbye is for the birds! So many feelings and emotions, so much to reflect on and talk about. It's turning out to be an extremely emotional experience. A lot of crying and sorry, but it's okay at the same too. We ended up meeting twice this week because I just had a heck of a time and he was so gracious. T wrote me a hand written letter so that I could take something tangible with me. He reflected on our time and shared how he felt. It's very difficult....

As for how did know when I was done? The basics....life was more normal than not,still bumpy but my bounce back time is a day or two vs. a week or two. Nightmares are gone, symptoms are manageable. Feelings can be coped with, I'm enjoying life, getting out more. Established a good, solid foundation of friends(people I trust and can turn to when life is rough) I can get through daily life with out being paralyzed by fear and flashbacks. Mindful, can use my coping skills and recognize when I'm struggling. Clearly communicate needs, wants, difficulties, emotions, feelings. Handle stressful situations with a lot more ease. Not run from my feelings, stay present and accounted for.

There really is a lot, but honestly....we started to have less to talk about and more fun instead of work. Which is great! It's time, he'll always be available for me down the road should some come about.