Ever Feel A Wall Between You and "Other People"?

[blueangel371115]

More recently, I've been spending more time thinking about past trauma. I feel exactly the same way. Sometimes I'll walk down the hallway in my dorm, see a group of people, and immediately start staring at the floor to avoid any interaction with them. I avoid eye contact when I don't want to interact with people. When I was in third grade, I spent every recess standing on a toilet in the girls' room so I didn't have to talk to anyone else. I would leave the bathroom at a very strategic time so no one would figure it out. My whole life seems to be a pattern of drastic efforts to avoid social interaction. I don't know what I'm afraid of happening, but there's no convincing me that it won't happen. If I'm with friends and feeling that way, I'll either make an excuse or suck it up and go along with them. This seems to help the most, because I generally end up having an alright time. I just spend a lot of time crawling in my skin beforehand.

welcome to the forum, you are not alone in your feelings, I have spent much of my life feeling the same way.

 

[freakofnurture]

I feel irritated an awful lot when people do not go with my pace of communication. Is this normal?

Me, too. It's not so much when people talk slowly, but when they tell me something I already know or keep repeating themselfs.
My husband has this habit of restating his opinions about stuff at any ever so small opportunity, and going into great detail. I seriously feel my adrenalin level shooting upwards as soon as he merely gets that certain look on his face that tells me that he just realised that he has an opinion that needs to be expressed. Again.
But it's already normal repetitions that normal people do when just talking away about some random topic. There's these lectures I found on youtube, fantastically interesting topic, but the prof keeps repeating himself. I shout at the monitor if he does that. I call him names -.- It's rediculous.

 

[Grace11]

Me, too. It's not so much when people talk slowly, but when they tell me something I already know or keep repeating themselfs.
My husband has this habit of restating his opinions about stuff at any ever so small opportunity, and going into great detail. I seriously feel my adrenalin level shooting upwards as soon as he merely gets that certain look on his face that tells me that he just realised that he has an opinion that needs to be expressed. Again.
-.- It's rediculous.

I do this, too. I get very angry when my boyfriend does this. I have learned to get up and walk away and physically occupy myself or I will lose my temper. I am relieved when someone else shows up for him to tell his repetitive story to. I have known others who do this (repeat stories) and I tend to do it myself, actually, but for some reason I get totally heated when it occurs now. My temper's rather off the charts,though, and I don't trust myself to not blow up at anyone verbally anymore.

 

[Reclusive]

I find this one so frustrating too! My fiance (also PTSD) tends to repeat himself. He'll state his opinion (he has one for everything) and I say I understand or whatever. And then he restates it in a different way. And again in a different way. And I got it the first time, I really did, but boy does it make my blood boil!

 

[Brontie]

Ever Feel A Wall Between You and "Other People"?

The quick answer would be yes.

If you are speaking about the walls we put up to protect ourselves, a psych-doc told me once that while keeping all the bad stuff out, I was also stopping the good stuff from getting in. After that I began to bring the wall down brick by brick.

 

[blueangel371115]

I find this one so frustrating too! My fiance (also PTSD) tends to repeat himself. He'll state his opinion (he has one for everything) and I say I understand or whatever. And then he restates it in a different way. And again in a different way. And I got it the first time, I really did, but boy does it make my blood boil!

I do that also. I'm sure I drive everyone nuts. Not exactly sure why I do it.

 

[Reclusive]

LOL - if you figure it out, let me know so I can get him to stop. Sometimes it seriously takes him 30+ minutes to finish!

 

[angel2write]

I have always felt like there's been a wall between me and other people. I have always felt like I am different than every one else, like I just quite don't fit in....with the entire world. I always imagined that maybe I wasn't meant to be here, like maybe I was meant to be on another planet or in another dimension, or even another life form. Actually, like maybe I wasn't meant to be a part of the human race. That may sound extreme, but it's been a part of my thinking since I was young.

I used to walk around wondering if I were invisible, or if I even existed at all. Like maybe I existed in a mirror world, congruent to but not really in the world everyone else was. I used to fantasize that I could move through glass or mirrors and enter an alternate reality- which is really weird now that I write it down.

If I could just read/type instead of talking to anyone, I would be very happy. I don't feel a wall at all when I'm texting or on this forum, or in emails or PC's. I feel comfortable and I'm able to say whatever is on my mind. There's something about talking out loud that turns me into a self conscious, nervous wreck.

I've had this experience, too. I've often told my husband that I should be bricked into my room and only interact with the outside world through a keyboard. It would save all the grief and misunderstandings. I've driven away so many friends over the years... I think maybe my problems communicating verbally have to do with spending so many years saying whatever was necessary to avert disaster or get through the day. Now, when I talk to people face to face, I'm always trying to say what I think they want to hear, or what I think I ought to say. When I type or write, it's like the real me is able to communicate. I can be honest. Sometimes when I talk I catch myself lying when there really isn't any need for it... makes me feel like an evil person.

 

[angel2write]

Sometimes I'll walk down the hallway in my dorm, see a group of people, and immediately start staring at the floor to avoid any interaction with them. I avoid eye contact when I don't want to interact with people.... If I'm with friends and feeling that way, I'll either make an excuse or suck it up and go along with them. This seems to help the most, because I generally end up having an alright time. I just spend a lot of time crawling in my skin beforehand.

Yeah- I do this, too. I've also been known to duck into bathrooms to hide. And when I do get in a social situation, I always feel like I'm either sitting around as silent as a stuffed owl, or blathering my head off. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground.

We got invited to a New Year's Eve party and I totally flipped out beforehand and locked myself in the bathroom. My husband finally peeled me off the ceiling, convinced me that I wasn't freakishly ugly, and maneuvered me into the car. I took a stuffed animal in my knitting bag for comfort and hid in a corner knitting to avoid eye contact for the first hour. But after a while, I relaxed some. The people were nice, and I had a good time for an hour or so until I got overwhelmed and we had to leave.

 

[blueangel371115]

I used to walk around wondering if I were invisible, or if I even existed at all. Like maybe I existed in a mirror world, congruent to but not really in the world everyone else was. I used to fantasize that I could move through glass or mirrors and enter an alternate reality- which is really weird now that I write it down.



I've had this experience, too. I've often told my husband that I should be bricked into my room and only interact with the outside world through a keyboard. It would save all the grief and misunderstandings. I've driven away so many friends over the years... I think maybe my problems communicating verbally have to do with spending so many years saying whatever was necessary to avert disaster or get through the day. Now, when I talk to people face to face, I'm always trying to say what I think they want to hear, or what I think I ought to say. When I type or write, it's like the real me is able to communicate. I can be honest. Sometimes when I talk I catch myself lying when there really isn't any need for it... makes me feel like an evil person.

I do that to. I think it is a survival instinct from the abuse ( in my case) . I try to make peace as soon as possible by glossing things over or apologizing when I don't need to.

 

[Marie E.]

I always feel a separation between myself and anybody next to me. It is like two very different worlds! PTSD - Go Figure!

 

[IchBin]

Ditto on the social anxiety, avoidance, and racing thoughts. I've never been able to understand how social situations are calming to people, because they are such a big deal for me. I find them so draining, and when I come home my mind often buzzes for hours rehashing what happened. I find myself wondering all the time if they can tell I'm messed up, if they know I have so many problems and find it hard to be social - yet this also sets up a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's just so strange because I berate myself for being so worried about coming across normal, if that makes any sense?