M
Migdid777
Hey. I’m 24 M and she’s 26 F.
We dated for about 6 months and had been on and off/ in contact for another 2 months.
Yesterday she calls me saying I’ve been abusing her by contacting her people. She says I’ve been triangulating her.
The thing is, yes I have broken her boundaries by continuously reaching out to her - and I take full accountability for it, but when I reached out to her people I was doing it out of concern. Up until yesterday I did not know she had CPTSD. She recently started going to therapy.
In our relationship she told me her previous ex had sexually and physically abused her and she had trauma because of it.
I could never truly understood how deep her pain went and I tried my best to be patient and understanding of her, but she quickly started abusing me. She used to think I was cheating on her or would demand my attention a lot, and I’d give her all of it because I liked her and also because I wanted to be comforting, but when we fought she would just berate me for hours.
Again, I didn’t know she had PTSD and though I assumed she had serious trauma, we never got to talk clearly about her triggers and her issues.
We fought a lot, generally we made up after I reassured her how much I loved her.
I made mistakes too. She saw my porn, she saw old notes I wrote to a previous ex, she saw that I liked other girls pictures on Instagram. And when I was confronted I was taken back by how intense she felt & how she insulted me, that I wasn’t able to be patient and listen to her, and I got defensive and also could become mean.
I don’t think either of us realized how her trauma was affecting these situations. I told her I felt like her punching bag to release her emotions, and i told her what she was doing to me was what her ex did to me.
A few weeks ago while we were broken up we saw each other. I told her that some girl texted me and we kind of flirted. She lost it. She started hitting me, threw my phone, and like for 20 minutes was screaming at me and trying to hurt me. I just held her and tried to calm her down.
That was about a month ago and I’ve been blocked for a while.
I got so confused and felt so triggered I would email her because that was the only form of communication I had with her. She would unblock me every now and then, to say something mean. In the moment I wouldn’t feel bad, and I’d try to talk to her. But the days after that, I got triggered and would send her emails incessantly even though she told me to leave her alone. I begged for her to talk to me, I apologized so much.
Lately I reached out to her friends and brother. I asked for serious advice on how to get her back, and that I was concerned for her because of the things she told me. I had always been telling her she should get therapy because she was still dealing w her past. We didn’t know she had CPTSD.
Yesterday she calls me saying me continuously trying to reach out to her has been abusive towards her. I don’t disagree, but I felt at times I couldn’t help it. I just wanted to talk to her, I felt so confused.
I’ve always wanted the best for her and even in her worst, I felt a lot of love and protectiveness towards her. I still love her.
She called yesterday and asked me to leave her alone. I will.
I just don’t know what to do further. She has asked me to leave her alone for months but she would end up calling me. In the beginning when she asked me to leave her alone, I would respect it - but she would reach out to me anyways and if I didn’t respond right away she thought I was ignoring her.
I developed a deep anxiety of our communication. When we talked I could tell she had so much anger boiling up and since I was always blocked, if she got angry and ended the phone call, I would think this is the last time i’d ever speak to her again.
I will not reach out to her again.
Her story has changed she said there were times we could have gotten back together, which leads me to believe she still sees a potential future. Just not now. That’s fine.
I’m 24. I just got my first job and apartment and I’m finishing my masters, I’m super young and I had no experience on how to handle & be a compassionate and understanding partner with someone with such a traumatic experience.
She’s getting therapy now and it seems like she’s getting better but during our relationship she didn’t and never truly talked about what she was going through, only talked about her anger at me.
I love her deeply and I know I could commit to a lifetime of healing with her and I know I can treat her how she needs to be.
But that’s only if she wants me too. And right now she’s asked me to not contact her.
Any advice you guys can share? I have feelings and yeah I went overboard by continuously trying to reach out to her and talking to her people trying to get advice on how I could be better for her. I know I broke boundaries. But I was doing them trying to learn her. I still realize that was wrong of me.
Should I be patient and wait a few months to see if she replies to me? I don’t think I want to date anyone else right now, but that thought of moving on is on my mind because of the fear of being hung up on her is scary because there’s a big chance she views me as an abuser and she will never speak to me again.
Either way I’m glad she is getting help and if I needed to be her villain so she could finally get herself out of her hole, I love her and want the best for her no matter what.
We dated for about 6 months and had been on and off/ in contact for another 2 months.
Yesterday she calls me saying I’ve been abusing her by contacting her people. She says I’ve been triangulating her.
The thing is, yes I have broken her boundaries by continuously reaching out to her - and I take full accountability for it, but when I reached out to her people I was doing it out of concern. Up until yesterday I did not know she had CPTSD. She recently started going to therapy.
In our relationship she told me her previous ex had sexually and physically abused her and she had trauma because of it.
I could never truly understood how deep her pain went and I tried my best to be patient and understanding of her, but she quickly started abusing me. She used to think I was cheating on her or would demand my attention a lot, and I’d give her all of it because I liked her and also because I wanted to be comforting, but when we fought she would just berate me for hours.
Again, I didn’t know she had PTSD and though I assumed she had serious trauma, we never got to talk clearly about her triggers and her issues.
We fought a lot, generally we made up after I reassured her how much I loved her.
I made mistakes too. She saw my porn, she saw old notes I wrote to a previous ex, she saw that I liked other girls pictures on Instagram. And when I was confronted I was taken back by how intense she felt & how she insulted me, that I wasn’t able to be patient and listen to her, and I got defensive and also could become mean.
I don’t think either of us realized how her trauma was affecting these situations. I told her I felt like her punching bag to release her emotions, and i told her what she was doing to me was what her ex did to me.
A few weeks ago while we were broken up we saw each other. I told her that some girl texted me and we kind of flirted. She lost it. She started hitting me, threw my phone, and like for 20 minutes was screaming at me and trying to hurt me. I just held her and tried to calm her down.
That was about a month ago and I’ve been blocked for a while.
I got so confused and felt so triggered I would email her because that was the only form of communication I had with her. She would unblock me every now and then, to say something mean. In the moment I wouldn’t feel bad, and I’d try to talk to her. But the days after that, I got triggered and would send her emails incessantly even though she told me to leave her alone. I begged for her to talk to me, I apologized so much.
Lately I reached out to her friends and brother. I asked for serious advice on how to get her back, and that I was concerned for her because of the things she told me. I had always been telling her she should get therapy because she was still dealing w her past. We didn’t know she had CPTSD.
Yesterday she calls me saying me continuously trying to reach out to her has been abusive towards her. I don’t disagree, but I felt at times I couldn’t help it. I just wanted to talk to her, I felt so confused.
I’ve always wanted the best for her and even in her worst, I felt a lot of love and protectiveness towards her. I still love her.
She called yesterday and asked me to leave her alone. I will.
I just don’t know what to do further. She has asked me to leave her alone for months but she would end up calling me. In the beginning when she asked me to leave her alone, I would respect it - but she would reach out to me anyways and if I didn’t respond right away she thought I was ignoring her.
I developed a deep anxiety of our communication. When we talked I could tell she had so much anger boiling up and since I was always blocked, if she got angry and ended the phone call, I would think this is the last time i’d ever speak to her again.
I will not reach out to her again.
Her story has changed she said there were times we could have gotten back together, which leads me to believe she still sees a potential future. Just not now. That’s fine.
I’m 24. I just got my first job and apartment and I’m finishing my masters, I’m super young and I had no experience on how to handle & be a compassionate and understanding partner with someone with such a traumatic experience.
She’s getting therapy now and it seems like she’s getting better but during our relationship she didn’t and never truly talked about what she was going through, only talked about her anger at me.
I love her deeply and I know I could commit to a lifetime of healing with her and I know I can treat her how she needs to be.
But that’s only if she wants me too. And right now she’s asked me to not contact her.
Any advice you guys can share? I have feelings and yeah I went overboard by continuously trying to reach out to her and talking to her people trying to get advice on how I could be better for her. I know I broke boundaries. But I was doing them trying to learn her. I still realize that was wrong of me.
Should I be patient and wait a few months to see if she replies to me? I don’t think I want to date anyone else right now, but that thought of moving on is on my mind because of the fear of being hung up on her is scary because there’s a big chance she views me as an abuser and she will never speak to me again.
Either way I’m glad she is getting help and if I needed to be her villain so she could finally get herself out of her hole, I love her and want the best for her no matter what.