Falling Apart.

[Dana1010]

A few things occur to me while reading this post. First:

I was feeling better for a long time, and thought I was 'over it'..

Does this mean you were grasping at the idea of being "over it" to the point you were neglecting basic self care and management that could have prevented this relapse? Had you stopped doing the things you did before to stay grounded and stable?

I even asked her to marry me the other night.

It seems that seeing this person has caused a bump in your general happiness if I'm not mistaken. It may seem odd, but I first started experiencing PTSD symptoms right after some life improvements that definitely did make me happier. It's like your brain decides that you can handle more memories and processing once you're feeling better, so it unloads them on you. This might just be another round of processing that was waiting in queue anyway.

I'm not seeing a therapist right now (flat broke)

I think you should look into Medicaid, free or low cost clinics, etc.

late nights and early mornings.. Sleep is an issue sometimes.

This doesn't sound good at all. I think you should try to work on some compromises with her to make sure you are not putting yourself out more than is fair.

 

[Go Hungry]

Hey @Dana1010 ... I think you may be on to something. I've been so busy the last few months that I have neglected some self-care I suppose. Moving twice in two months, adjusting to a radically different life than I was used to. I had gotten pretty well dug-in to the bachelor lifestyle. I was comfortable being alone, if a bit lonely. Well, to be honest.. really lonely. And scared I would never be able to find a nice lady who would be interested in the same things as I was, had similar interests and compatibility. And then BOOM!, out of nowhere she swoops in and knocks me off my feet. In that sort of situation, it is a little hard, I suppose to keep up with everything, including coping skills.

I hadn't thought about the possibility that my mind was off-loading a bunch of memories and anxieties due to the changes for the better. I can say that she is Very good at helping me weather the storms. She's helping me take care of myself, and talking me through the panic attacks. She's an angel, really. But still, I should look into some grounding techniques.

I was able to get the name of a local psych doctor who accepts my insurance, so I'm planning on trying to see her if I can. I've been learning lately about the joys of insurance networks.. Aargh, what a pain.

And sleep? Yeah, I need more of it. I'll work on securing a better schedule.