Fed Up With The Rollercoaster Of Emotion

[Deleted member 6617]

I most definitely think that counts as doing something KP. Enjoy it! Strength and Hugs (((KP)))

 

[KP the nut]

Yesterday was an awful day, I hated myself and felt disliked. If someone is a bit off with you it is suddenly because they no longer care. I hate that I have become this needy self obsessed maggot.

Today is completely different, I feel more upbeat. I am looking forward to 30 minutes relaxation and then a glass of wine in the garden in the last of the sunshine.

I can even think about returning to work on Tuesday with only an anxiety level of 5 - manageable - just.

 

[The Albatross]

"Managable" is my operative word. I can do that and roll with the reppercussions. Patience, practice, perserverance, and the optional prayer are my credo. Breathe, settle into your body, feel and express. But do it.

 

[The Albatross]

Thanks KP, I call em the 3 (or 4) P's depending on my emotional state.

 

[OKRADLAK]

I know. I thought it was over and then boom.

It makes me mad that "It" is here, hovering like a toxic cloud. Hello.

Actually THEY are here. And because I had to go and think I could get help. I was OK when I was just blocking it all and now the sh*t heads are here.

 

[KP the nut]

Still hanging in and trying to be upbeat.
I keep wanting to think about starting back at work on Tuesday and going to T on Wed. I stop as it is too soon. I'll deal with it at the time.
Breathe and ground, breathe and ground.

 

[Reclusive]

Be in this day - practice being present and grounded. And enjoy this day. Do things with deliberate action. And pamper yourself a little bit - you've made SO MUCH progress - look back and see the ground you've covered!

 

[KP the nut]

Be in this day - practice being present and grounded. And enjoy this day. And pamper yourself a little bit !

((Reclusive)), wise as usual.

I will enjoy today. The sun is out (ok with a cool wind - but with a shawl over my shoulders it is nice). I will enjoy today. A nice shower and body lotion. Then a BBQ in the garden with H and watching the dogs play.

Last night I had a nightmare about my accident. Not the event itself, but I was watching a video recording of the recovery - no such video exists. In my dream it was overwhelming but when I woke I felt calm.

 

[intothelight]

KP,

I hope you find peace and joy in today. I am going to follow Reclusive's advice as the reminder could not have come at a better time.

Linking Arms!
Deb

 

[Reclusive]

Oh, any excuse to dig out the shawls. I love them - irritates my fiance a little, but I can't help it. Any excuse to use one. These small things are the things that are our lives, not the huge things. Days like the one you had, relaxing in the garden, bbqing with the hubs. That's your life. Enjoy it.

And waking up calm from a nightmare is a HUGE step! Do a jig!

 

[KP the nut]

Why oh why do I put myself under such pressure.

Work today went as well as I'd hoped, despite being anxious about the commute. As I came home I thought ' I wonder when my MOT certificate (roadworth test) expires. H checked when I came home and it expires TODAY :eek:.
Sh*t, without it my car is not legal and insurance is invalid. I phoned the garage and they can only do MOT and service next Tuesday :poop:.

I need a car I have T tomorrow and work on Thursday. So instead of a lazy morning tomorrow, I will have to be up and dressed to take H to work, so I can use his car :eek:. Then I will have to pick him up in the evening (after T I usually rest). I will need to take him to and from work on Monday, and on Thursday he will take me to work as he has a couple of appointments.

:poop::poop: I am so stupid. I used to know all this stuff and put it in my diary. I should have checked it earlier. Now I'm under more pressure to do extra driving :(.

And T makes me cry :cry:

 

[intothelight]

(((KP))),

You are not stupid. I forget a lot of things too. I don't know how much is PTSD, or in my case "mentalpause", but it really is common and not a reflection of your intelligence or effort.

Be kind to yourself and you will get through this.

Deb