Feeling like an intruder and wondering if my situation is valid

[EveHarrington]

I mean... I kinda want to return, but I made a total fool of myself here.

I'm sorry for lashing out....

Please return!

I've done a lot of foolish things here...And I don't think you did anything wrong. I think most people aren't going to hold anything against you. Heck, there are so many people here that haven't even read this thread and will have no idea about the exchange that happened. I guess what I'm trying to say is to not worry about it. The thing I've learned about being in a support group, either online or in person, is that I am here for me and nobody else. I need to focus on my own healing and not get wrapped up in everyone else's stuff. So stay and focus on your own healing. If people are rubbing you the wrong way, put them on ignore. I had to do this when someone posted about invalidating my trauma.....which is a common trauma here (CSA)....so yes, the invalidation stuff does happen, even for those of us with a more "common" trauma, and it's best just to ignore those who do it!

 

[deeplyloved]

I’m so sorry you felt invalidated here and elsewhere. So glad you are going to try to stick around and work through. You deserve support!

Can I tell you this thread set off some major anxiety for me? I am officially diagnosed...I experienced life-threatening violence and long-term abuse. Reading this thread sent me spinning about whether or not my trauma and diagnosis are valid enough. It’s not even logical. There’s something triggering about the issue of validation, even when it doesn’t apply to me! So I can only imagine how upsetting this must have been for you.

We all make mistakes and a lot of healing can come from repairing them. I hope you’ll stick around to give those folks a chance. And to look for other sources of support. Hopefully, youll be able to connect with some who have experienced the same trauma you have. Even if not, there’s still a place for you here. Take good care.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@CatInTree I’m glad that you decided to come back!!!!!

 

[CatInTree]

I'm sorry to keep bothering you, but I'm still feeling like an intruder here.

As I said in my initial post this thread wasn't meant to be a discussion about diagnosis. I realize that I wasn't clear there, but I thought I was clearer when I came back.

But in case I need to spell it out more.

I got diagnosed because failing to help people messed me up. I can never make up for any of that. And now I'm here on a forum mainly consisting of people who also need support.

I'm in no condition to provide any. My brain keeps telling me that I'm gonna say the wrong thing and someone's gonna end up dead.

That's why I felt so out of place when I started the thread. Like I'm different and shouldn't be here because unlike everyone else I'm the one who caused my cause to be here. And I'm still paying a small price for it. To make an analogy it's kinda like I'm the addict running to the community s/he hurt to get support. That's why I'm so confused when I'm welcomed here.

Now in addition to all that I've got a case of the "no one's going to want to hear anything about my experiences because it wasn't real trauma".

 

[Freida]

soooo..bout that!

I got diagnosed because failing to help people messed me up. I can never make up for any of that

My brain keeps telling me that I'm gonna say the wrong thing and someone's gonna end up dead.

20 years in 911. yep. I can completely relate to that. Even though my PTSD was with me when I started the job, I still have calls that pop up pretty regularly in therapy. Accepting that we can't save them all sucks. I've said the right thing and saved and the wrong thing and lost. The difference here is that you are not alone. If you say the wrong thing someone will jump in and help. You have a community here. And yea --- that was a huge shocker for me too. It's not just me on the phone trying not to f**k up. It's me offering my thoughts, and then someone coming along behind me who offers theirs. You get to pick the ones you like.

That pressure to make the right decision and and make it right fast because you only have one chance? Nope. Different world here. It took me a couple months of lurking before I was brave enough to comment on a post for the same reasons. and guess what? Now I yammer away at all hours of the day. Because I've learned that if I get it wrong someone will point it out a different option! :D

I'm in no condition to provide any.

In this place, for this time, you don't have to. This is the time for you to be heard. And yep - that is a weird ass thing to accept if you are the one who has always "fixed" others.

I'm the addict running to the community s/he hurt to get support. T

Nope. You are not responsible for why I'm here. And I'm guessing no one else either. That's like me saying I can't be here because people died on the phone with me.

"no one's going to want to hear anything about my experiences because it wasn't real trauma".

yea - you ain't special there either! I think most of us have said that. Poke about the site and you will see a ton of conversations on the damage of "comparing" trauma. I did it too. It's a defense mechanism. Some people are very comfortable discussing what led them here and some are not. So you really don't know what their experiences are. Yours is yours. It's the impact, not the cause, that is important.

It's not that I'm trying to dismiss your concerns. It actually makes me giggle a bit because I had the same ones! Especially that "not enough trauma" one. You don't have to prove you deserve to be here. If being here helps you, then that's good enough.

So stick the fears in the closet for a bit and come along and play.....